Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

TUF 26 ep 10 blog – Life in the TUF house, Barb vs Rachael, Nicco vs Montana

Posted in Uncategorized on November 20th, 2017 by roxyfighter

8/11 I fought the previous day, but today, it’s fight day for Nicco and Montana. I didn’t know which of them would win. I like them both and they are both skilled, but I suppose I hope Nicco wins since I’m a bit closer to her. Montana was my favorite sparring partner, though. I never really like to try to analyze and make guesses on fights… I’m not good at it, and really, anything can happen in a fight. It’s like a gamble.

I had a really hard time sleeping last night. Not sure if it was the caffeine I took at 1 PM for my fight, or just the exhilaration of the fight. I never sleep more than an hour of dozing off the night of a fight, but this time it was in the afternoon so I thought I might sleep. It could also be the tension of watching and knowing my next opponent. Man, this weight cut is hard on Sarj. How could she make 125 for the title of she has to cut her hair every time to make 126? I worry about her health.

I had ordered sushi for a victory dinner a day in advance, but it hadn’t come. I was really disappointed and was complaining about it to my friends. Then one of the producers came out and apologized, and I felt bad and like a petty brat because I forgot they could hear everything I said on my necklace microphone. ~_~; I ended up eating veggies, eggs, and a bite of chicken for dinner, which is the most pathetic victory dinner I’ve ever eaten. I would have to fight in one week, though…. I ended up figuring out how to fire up the portable firepit table outside and made some smores! Nicco, Gillian, and Karine joined me joined me. That was nice and fun and finally felt like a celebration. I had trouble relaxing, but that helped.

I had been feeling a little queezy, actually. And my body was getting its period on and off for the past two weeks.
I know for a fact that it means my body still feels a little messed up from the weight cut- the stress and low percentage of body fat. I couldn’t eat a lot even if I wanted to.

That was yesterday, the day of my fight. This day I woke up at 2 AM and cooked rice and eggs plus broccoli I swiped from the fight catering that they bring us on fight days. I couldn’t sleep, so at 3:30 AM I sat at the kitchen table and drew two Japanese hanafuda cards with the colored pencils Shana and DeAnna requested from the House Fairies.

They came out not perfect, but pretty enough to make me happy. I posted one of them above, along with the original. Then I cleaned the kitchen and did a few loads of towels. During that time, an air conditioner on one side of the house broke, so one of the producers Mr. C came out and offered everyone fans, since it was really hot in the dead of summer. At 3 AM. I can’t believe he was still up! What a guy…. “I leave when my work is done.” Much respect to that. That’s why the show is such high quality! I went then outside and lay outside on the hammock under the stars. But I still wasn’t sleepy! Karine came out and we talked a bit.

Finally, I lay down around 5 AM and woke up around 6:30 AM. YAY more sleep.

The staff wanted to film me turning over Shana’s picture on the tournament line-up board and putting up Emily’s but I politely refused. I didn’t want to. It just felt sad to me. I mean, she already lost and felt sad about it, so to see footage of her opponent flipping it over is even more sad, right? I didn’t like it. I had to appeal to the upper level bosses, but it got okayed that I didn’t have to do it! πŸ˜€ They had been filming all of us doing that, but I don’t think they put any of that footage in after all. πŸ™‚

Rachael vs Barb was super competitive. I honestly thought Rachael won the first round, and Barb won the second. I was surprised it didn’t go to a third! Their stand-up was back and forth.

Barb actually shot on Rachael, which surprised me since she knew Rachael was a wrestler, but got the take-downs! Rachael defended well and shook her off her back a lot. In the second round, Barb managed to keep top position and GnP more.
Nicco vs Montana was intense. Nicco was just so tough, moving well and cutting angles well. Montana shot in but Nicco defended the single well in the center and against the cage. Then Nicco kneed Montana, opening up a cut, took her down, and GnP. We all went “oooh” and kind of watched while wincing. It was a really hard fight for us to watch. Our team was kind of close. Nicco did what she needed to do, though. Much respect to her for that. Nicco ended up winning the decision. Phew man.

I was really impressed with everyone- what hard-fought battles!

That night, our coaches brought over 30 inch pizzas from Brother’s Italian Bistro (near Syndicate!) It looked normal but it was seriously the best pizza I’ve ever eaten!! I dunno, just the flavor and crust and cheese and omg! I had two small pieces but was sad I couldn’t chow down since I was cutting weight still. Like constantly cutting weight. ;_; We hung out with them, played charades, and went to bed when they left.

It’s crazy to look around the room at our team and realize that everyone but me and Nicco have lost. I used to be one of those fighters, just miserably waiting for the season to end, eating whatever I wanted, not caring about weight, wishing I could be back with my friends and family. I still had work to do, though.

In training the other day, we got one of the staff to cover up logos on Vinny’s gi (because logos are not allowed to be visible) and I rolled with him! It felt so amazing to train in the gi again! I had been going three times a week, and missed it. Jiujitsu makes me happy. He powered out of all my attacks, but it was funny. I couldn’t do anything but I tried, and it was hilarious. I got out of a bow-and-arrow submission, though. That was my achievement of the day. He took the time to now and then point out mistakes I made, or good ways to do some escape or attack. That was the best! It was so interested and really helpful. That’s my favorite way to learn jiujitsu, to point stuff out as it happens because I can understand the situation.

That really helped rejuvenate me mentally. Thanks, Vinny!

Shout out to my blog sponsor My Consumer I.T.

New Logo! They’re a business solutions company.

TUF 26 ep 7 blog- Rachael vs Melinda, Female fighters

Posted in Uncategorized on October 19th, 2017 by roxyfighter


Dana stopped by the house last night, just as my massage finished. Poor Nicco got stiffed and only got about ten minutes, but I was safe.

He gave us Conor McGregor T shirts as gifts! πŸ˜€ Thank you!
Then, he wanted to see the backyard, so we all went out there. I turned on the waterfall to show him (there’s a control panel) and then turned it off again after a while, so the noise wouldn’t interfere with the cameras. See what a good reality-show contestant I am? As part of the talk you heard, he told us how much money Ronda made. It was insane. “I wasn’t going to do woman. You are all here thanks to Ronda Rousey. She convinced me to have women. It’s F-ing skyrocketing. In no other sport are women making this much money.” Yeah that’s nice. Well, I have yet to make said money and I doubt everyone on the show will. But it’s great, in theory. LOL It tempts us and motivates some people.

Personally, I don’t fight for money. But love of the sport can’t pay my rent and phone bill. Or help me take care of my ailing relatives. Or save for my retirement.

Please stop using the term “women’s MMA!” Men and women do the same MMA techniques. Sorry, semantics. But I’m an English teacher.

“This is the hardest thing you’ll ever do,” Dana said. “And some people do it TWICE.” And looked at me. hahaha!!

Anyway, Dana asked us what we missed the most, and people were like, “Husband. Kids. My dog.” We had quite a few people say “dogs.” He laughed at us and said, “You all miss your dogs, but the men obviously missed…. “other” things.” He called me a sick puppy for saying I missed Syndicate. What’s wrong with that? ;_; I missed Syndicate SO FREAKING MUCH, and my coaches, and teammates, and friends!

Sarj claimed to have taken Dana White’s car around the block while we were in the back talking! haha. Then Dana offered and Emily accepted to go for a drive, so a few of them piled in there and took a spin. I didn’t go. haha!

I don’t really care about cars. My boy Lee, my 2008 Toyota Corolla LE is enough for me! <3

The unknown is scary and I realize that. That’s a big part of why I was so anxious in the first half of the season. Would I like the coaches? would I get the training I needed to be ready? Would I have acceptable body care? They brought massage therapists for us. Finally, I knew I could handle TUF 26 and I started to relax and enjoy training more. I enjoyed training with Justin. I like him and his spirit. The coaches are so enthusiastic and supportive. It’s hilarious listening to Matt and Luke talk smack to each other constantly. I was hesitant to learn any new steps that don’t fit in with my natural movement, though, that Trevor was teaching. I always felt like I was cheating on Coach John because I swore to myself I would never go to another MMA gym, but obviously I couldn’t help it. John crafted my striking by building steps and combos into my awkward style, and I didn’t want to throw a wrench into it without his approval. (I did get off my groove and it took me and John a month to get my flow back, actually)

In evening practice, we requested and go to spar MMA. We went pretty hard, but one think I love about my teammates is that they have the ability to go hard without knocking me out or hurting me. I didn’t once feel the need to wear headgear, or worry about my brain! Thank you Rachael, Nicco, Gillian, Montana, and Maia! (I never actually sparred MMA with Emily or Karine. Weird how that worked out) It’s SO important to be able to control yourself and trust your partners. There have been many examples of fighters who have been forced to retire because they keep getting concussions that won’t heal. Brieta, Serena’s former opponent, got signed to Invicta but then had to retire.

I digress. But just wanted to stress that.
Yay team Gaethje! (click to enlarge)

The weigh-ins were great. Rachael wore lingerie and looked really hot. lol

As always, I loved hearing both lady’s interviews and seeing footage of their homes. I knew about Ruby Rose, Rachael’s daughter, and saw lots of pics since I follow her on Instagram. πŸ™‚ She’s such a cutie!

I know people on the internet only see how pretty Rachael is, but she’s such a nice, good person, too, and strong and skilled! πŸ˜€ I had a feeling she was going to be able to handle whatever Melinda threw at her.

COME ON, I can’t BELIEVE they blurred out her Wonder Woman costume!! They have all those sponsor companies on the banner but blurred out wonder woman?! Gimmie a break…. she looked so cool in it!

I tried to get to know Melinda a little bit, despite being on the other team. I often saw her alone, walking around, or playing ping pong outside by herself with the table up.

Actually, I saw her leave her group and go out there, and the camera crews followed her, so I followed them. Cameramen hustling usually means something is going down. I played with her once. She seemed really sweet, and had the softest voice I’ve ever heard.

But you have to watch out for the quiet, unassuming one……. and this is coming from an unassuming one. haha

She told me a bit about herself. Once the season really got underway, our training schedules were reversed and I only got to talk to her a little bit. I had no idea she was hurt (obviously she’d hide it). Her English was pretty good. I was impressed how carefully and accurately she spoke. #Englishteacherthings
I felt she was too skinny. I saw her eating berries a lot. It reminded me of watching Peggy Morgan half-starve herself to make weight at 135 on TUF 18. I think Melinda was coming down from 135 and was taller than me. *shrug* You gotta fight where you feel good, not at what weight you can barely make. Rachael had no problem making weight. She’s shorter than me, but has more muscle. She feels really strong when training with her!

Melinda said she was fine, though, and far be it for me to butt into someone else’s weight cut, especially someone on the other team. I just care. I wanted Rachael to win anyway. But let me stress this: We are competitors, not enemies!

Well, some men talking smack would argue otherwise. haha

About the fight! Rachael had good distance judgement, and used her overhand well, eventually taking down Melinda and getting past her knee shield. As Melinda scrambled, Rachael rear mounted, punched, and sunk in the choke. I was happy for her!

Then Melinda started looking at her hands and started talking to people who came in the cage, like the doctor and then Eddie. I thought her hand might be broken. There was a delay in announcing the winner because she kept talking to Eddie. I was so curious to find out what was being said, and finally by watching the ep, I learned.

She wanted to dissect the fight right there and then? I get it, you are devastated and need to make some sense of it, but you gotta get out of the cage and go lay down for a bit first. :/ My heart went out to Melinda seeing that footage. I get it. I remember watching an opponent getting their hand raised, while inside, I was screaming, “WHY?! WHY?! Whyyyyyyyy?!”

Rachael was concerned about Melinda’s health, especially hearing that she was taken to the hospital. Melinda said the next day said something about her eye cut and needed stitches ….in her eye? I think it was lost in translation, though. Medical discussions in a foreign language are hard. I would know. So I was freaking out but then I realized it was probably a corneal abrasion. Slight bruise, not complete tear, on the cornea, because she said it would heal in a week. phew. Stitches on the eyeball. God, I don’t even want to visualize that. Rachael is such a kind person. But like me, she’ll do what she’s gotta do to win.

Shout out to one of my sponsors, Rob and Aardvark Painting up in Western Washington State! You have a building or deck, he has paint!

Japan blog 2: Mon-Thurs (shrine, owls, BJJ legends, the weight of a weapon)

Posted in Uncategorized on October 10th, 2017 by roxyfighter

So Monday night I met my former training partner friend-turned-pro wrestler Sakura. She had a “surprise” for me, so she had me go to Ikebukuro (and I got lost trying to find the proper station exit. x_x There are dozens!) Then she led me to a building with my eyes closed. Haha Apparently whatever it was was written on signs and all over the walls, so I had to go up like three flights of stairs with my eyes closed. I cheated and opened them a crack to see the floor, but dutifully didn’t look up.

“Okay open!” she said. We were at an owl cafe! Or “Owl Park!”

I had told her I wanted to go to a Neko (cat) cafe last year when I visited because it was such a novel concept to me. We did and it was fun. I had since read lots of negative things about other animal cafes, such as owls, because they’re nocturnal and humans are bothering them all day when they’re supposed to be sleeping. :/ So I had mixed feelings about that at first. The staff members were very kind, though, and were educated about how to handle them, how to touch them, etc. I’ve never touched an owl before!! It was great!

… was cool. I enjoyed the experience a lot! Thanks, Sakura-chan!

Tuesday morning, I think I just went shopping by myself. I met my former host mother, and co-star of my autobiography Sadako-san for sushi lunch! I offered to go closer to her, but she said she liked to get out and came to Hirama, near Kawasaki. She’s basically my Japanese grandmother. I love her! She’s so sweet and awesome! She gave me bowls and chopsticks for presents!!

Everybody asks me the difference between sushi in America and Japan. See this roll? This is about as complicated as it gets in Japan.

Something in the middle and a dab of something on the top. Not like the “sexy girlfriend rolls” or “dragon rolls” or whatever Americans made up slathered with everything, WHICH ARE FREAKING DELICIOUS. haha! Good job, America! You improved sushi rolls. πŸ˜€ BUT, single pieces of fish on rice are the BEST tasting in Japan.

I got back to Kawasaki and met one of my best friends Goto-san, and we went to Kawasaki Daishi temple together, which has become a tradition! My favorite sembei rice cracker shop WAS there but the owners weren’t. ;_; It wasn’t as fun without taking to the owners! I missed my yearly chat.

Here are the real life statues that are what the replicas he gave me are modeled after! <-- You know when you are listening to music and trying to write something and some weird grammar comes out? Goto-san gave me figurines that are modeled after these statues. lol

Then we met Goto-san’s wife and went to Tsuru-chan’s restaurant, Fukuzushi! I’m SO happy I got to go again and taste his awesome cooking, and also introduce my three friends to each other. πŸ˜€

You don’t want to know what this is.

okay I’ll tell you. ;D Beef intestines! I hate them normally, but for some reason, anything Tsuru-chan cooks, I like. u_U I ate it. omg.

Wedneday morning I decided last minute to try and find a place to train, and went to Hearts! Unfortunately, my former training partner Kenji Osawa was not there. :/ But I enjoyed rolling with everyone!

Thanks for letting me go to your gym, Osawa-san!

After that, I met my former co-worker friend Grace and we went to this “Samurai Museum” that I had never heard about, despite living in Japan for eight years. IT WAS SO COOL!! I consider myself very knowledgeable about Japanese culture but I didn’t know a lot! For example, the number of lines on a helmet means how sturdy they are. The amount of color and decoration on armor signifies rank. Family crests are always displayed on them.

I got to try on a helmet and dress up. She said that she wanted to be the male, and I was like, “Alright then. Give me that kimono. And umbrella! And plastic hair! LOL” I went all out.

We also watched a man of samurai linage demonstrate some kenjitsu stances and strikes. IT WAS SO COOL. He was cool. I think I got an instant crush on him. He called for volunteers to try it, and Grace was saying, “Do it, Roxy, do it!” I wanted to, but I didn’t want to be greedy and take all the opportunities every time, since I also tried on the helmet. I waited like five seconds and only one other guy stood up, so I stood up! IT WAS SO COOL.

I tried so hard to imitate his stance correctly. Someone asked how long he’d been training and he said since he was a child. “But!” he added adamantly, “the most important thing is reading philosophy!”

When they gave me the sword, I knew it probably wasn’t really sharp, or they wouldn’t hand it to a stranger. I was very conscious, though, that this was a weapon used to take people’s lives and I took it very seriously. I really respect all warriors who never fight because they like killing, but because they have someone to protect, or something to serve. When I held the sword in my hands, I was so aware of the weight of this. This was a sword. It was not a toy. It made a bloody mess of other human beings who are somebody’s sons and husbands. Philosophy indeed.

The weight of a weapon is heavy indeed.

In the evening, I met my former English student friend Meiko for dinner! It was great to see her again!! I gotta keep in touch better from the US! X_X I love you, Meiko!

On Thursday morning, I trekked to Paraestra Tokyo! And I mean TREKKED. Battled. Through Kawasaki/shinagawa rush hour traffic of being squished on trains, and train delays because of a little rain.

It was a huge hassle, but Goto-san had been telling me for YEARS about that place, and how amazing Yuki Nakai was. Dude, Yuki Nakai is a legend.

Click here to glance at his wikipedia entry. Yuki Nakai (δΈ­δΊ•η₯ζ¨Ή Nakai YΕ«ki) is a retired Japanese mixed martial artist and Shooter. He currently teaches shoot wrestling and jiu-jitsu, and is the president of the Japanese Confederation of Jiu-Jitsu. He competed in Shooto, a proto-MMA promotion; as well as Vale Tudo Japan 1995, where he was outweighed by every opponent in the tournament. Despite this, and despite suffering a severe eye injury in the first bout, Nakai managed to make it to the finals where he lost to Rickson Gracie. Nakai is a legend of Shooto by many fighters and fans.

It was an amazing class!! We drilled stuff for like an hour and a half, during which I asked him a bunch of questions and he answered them. He had the aura of knowing everything about all things!

I was like…

omg so many high level people there. I rolled for like 45 minutes with people, including three two brown belts and two purple belts. Then this black belt guy (on the right) tried to give me advice but my brain was overflowing with techniques I was trying to remember and had already shut off…. and I had to use the bathroom so that I ended up excusing myself, which made me want to cry… but he said his name was Kimura and he had 4 ragged stripes on his black belt. My eyes nearly popped out of my skull. omg omg

I flew home on Friday! I felt really happy and satisfied with my visit except I didn’t get to see all my friends. πŸ™ I wish I had more time! I wish I could go twice a year! But months leading up to my visit, I was dreaming about Japan. Then, I had a nap dream on the airplane that I was trying to get back to Vegas. Yeah, my subconscious is pleased.

TUF 26 blog ep 6 – Barb vs Gillian, Contender Series viewing

Posted in Ultimate Fighter/UFC, Uncategorized on October 6th, 2017 by roxyfighter

Aug 1st

I was always the first one awake at 4 AM. The next person up was Karine, who always came in without her microphone (lol always got scolded), and then Barb, around 5 or 6ish. I’m SO sorry, Team Alvarez guys in the first bedroom, I didn’t know you could hear all my kitchen noises. I think Barb or Lauren said, “Yeah it’s easy to hear things” and it didn’t quite register that I should stop washing the dishes because they were clunking, and then one of them repeated a week later, “Yeah we can hear EVERYTHING.” Then I was like, oh dang, sorry. I hope I was better after that.

There are no doors in the house.

I had a nice long chat with Barb this morning. I didn’t really know her that well, and every time I looked at her, I just wanted a rematch of our fight six years ago when she choked me out in Black Eye Fight Promotions. Haha!

The RNC is my favorite move, too! Shucks. I really just wanna see how much I’ve grown and if I can take her. But I really was interested in getting to know her as a person. She’s not active on social media so I knew next to nothing about her. I enjoyed hanging out with her a bit in the house. She was usually starting breakfast just as I was cleaning up, and she swam around the same time I did my warm ups and yoga outside. I respect her so much, and appreciate her seriousness and dedication.

Aug 2nd, Wed

Tuesday, unexepcted things happened. The schedule said we’d get massage therapy, then a meeting with a UFC staff member, then training at the Performance Institute. (noo! Not after my massage! I didn’t want to go….) Well, suddenly the meeting got canceled but a nutritionist came and talked to us about weight cutting. Then Dana White invited us to the Contender series fights!

I decided to do conditioning in the morning at home before my massage. I got in a good, hard leg day. I did my trainer Lorenzo’s jump squat series outside on the sidewalk. Then squatted down and lifted up a 30-ish pound rock I found in the back yard up over my head, and replaced it gently. I usually throw a heavy weighed ball over my shoulder, but couldn’t exactly roll a hard, jagged rock over my shoulder. I also took my rubber band, wrapped it around a tree branch, and did punches with resistance. Maia rode an exercise bike in my vicinity so we could “work out together.” Later, I did mountain climbers by sliding my stocking-ed feet across the tile floor in the den.

It was hard to know how much to do because we never knew what kind of training we’d do that day. I didn’t wanna kill my legs and then have to do hard sparring a few hours later, or do some in-class conditioning. :/ Well, I’m really glad that I have a great trainer like Lorenzo who taught me good techniques I could take into the house and do on my own, and know they would help keep me prepared for a fight.

I was so tired and hungry for the rest of the day! It was also hard to know how much to eat. I took a solid nap for an hour. Then we got to be out in public! We couldn’t wear any UFC clothes.

Our names hadn’t been announced so nobody knew we were the cast. We weren’t allowed to tell anybody, obviously, with a very expensive lawsuit hanging over our heads if we did. So the TUF staff led us out in groups of three to sit in the bleachers with other family and friends also invited. On the way to my seat…I think I sat with Maia and….someone? Shana or Sarj or Christina? One guy game up to me and said, “OH! Ultimate fighter!” I thought, “Does he suspect this season or recognize me from the last season?!” He came over. Other people started looking. Crap. “Hi,” I said. “You are a fighter, aren’t you?” “Uh,” I said. “What’s it like to live in the House?” (he still hadn’t used the past tense to let me know if it was season 18 or not). “Well,” I said, seriously, “I live in an apartment.” My housemates in earshot started snickering. “Uh, oh?” he said, confused. “So who are you rooting for tonight?” I said, and steered the conversation away. LOL

I also successfully deflected another guy who recognized me. Then, over the next hour, the man sitting next to me said a few comments about the fights, like nice move, or whatever. He finally said, “I’m with the UFC. I watch all these fights.” I forget what else he said. “So you’re part of the next season’s cast, right?” he said, not exactly softly.

It caught me off guard because I didn’t know who in the UFC knew or not.

Then suddenly, I saw my jiujitsu instructor Captain come out and corner one of the fighters! My heart leapt into my mouth. I knew John was cornering Julian in the main event! Captain’s guy lost, unfortunately. But I timed my bathroom run with when the guys were doing the doctor check. Then as we were both heading back, me to my seat, and them to the locker room, I “accidentally” bumped into them and “accidentally” embraced Captain as hard as I could. I missed him sooooooooooooooo much. ;__; It had been almost a month but felt like years since I’d gone away!

Then I got scolded by a producer. ^^;;

Sorry not sorry. It felt so great. Then they made us leave before the last match because we had a time schedule, so I didn’t get to accidentally hug Coach John. But later we found out Julian KO-ed his opponent and got the UFC contract. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO #TeamSyndicate!!! whoop whoop! I was elated! Oh, I accidentally hugged my training partners Shawn and ran into Eric. That was nice. Man, seeing them was like water in a dry desert!

I was really impressed with the fight between Gillian and Barb. Gillian is really physically strong and good at taking the back. I was always trying to fend off her attacks from the back when we rolled. lol And you never know in TUF how a fight is gonna go. Everybody is out of their element without their normal coaches. Gillian really took it to Barb. She was really threatening with the armbar, but Barb stayed calm and defended it correctly. Barb then got the better of Gillian in round two and finished with TKO stoppage. It was an exciting fight.

TUF 26 blog episode 5: Maia vs Sarj

Posted in Uncategorized on October 1st, 2017 by roxyfighter

Saturday, July 29th

I was told that the teams would switch times half way through the season. I’ve been counting down the days! Training during mealtimes sucks… 12:00-2, and then 6:00-8. The other team got 10 AM -12, and 4 PM-6. When am I supposed to eat? And we sat around all morning, when I was most energetic, and then got home late, when my body shut down so I had crappy evening sessions. My other teammates appeared to be of the same mindset, but then when the staff said that we hade a choice and do we want to switch? Nobody seemed to jump at it. Huh? I was so confused and upset. Maybe nobody wanted to rock the boat? I was DYING to switch, but the team was like, “Whatever you guys want.”

Yesterday at our morning first practice a guy came to balloon our noses. It’s some treatment that’s supposed to help clear out blockages and help fighters breath. I do have a deviated septum so I can’t breathe out of my right nostril, actually. It happened during my fight in the last Ultimate Fighter season 18. However, I heard that the procedure can cause bleeding and you have to get it done again in the future, so I skipped it. They had come to Syndicate once. I didn’t want a ruptured nose in the middle of my fight camp.

I was the only one who seemed to feel this way, though. They were doing it in our training time, so I thought somebody would also opt out and join me to train, but no. ~_~;; I wanted to train! People kept bringing in guests during our training time. I was really annoyed, actually, but the procedure helped some people, so that’s good. It was very nice of whoever arranged it to want to help us fighters. Everything done was for our benefit. I just wished they did it in the morning at the house when we had nothing else to do but clean the kitchen.

I started doing physical training stuff like jumps onto the cage platform, an ab routine, squats, etc. :/ We finally started half an hour later. Muay Thai specialist Phil Nurse was visiting. I really liked his combos! We did jumping lows, and a pendulum-style kick with a check jab. I got to work with Karine. I didn’t really like the “batting the hand away” thing he taught, but my striking style is avoidance and blocking, rather than parrying, so it makes sense I didn’t take to it. Justin came over and said he thinks the combos will fit into my game.

Once drilling was over, the coaches started doing game-planning practice with Maia and Gillian who were fighting soon. I sparred with Rachael a bit. She wanted to kickbox with small gloves, while I wanted to either grapple with small gloves or kickbox with big gloves, so we only just did a little bit.

I was really anxious that I didn’t work hard enough that class, so I asked Karine to help shark-tank me. I would flurry on the bag really hard for 30 seconds, and then she would take me down and hold me for 1 minute and I’d have to get away. Then 30 seconds striking, repeat etc.

We did one round, and just as we were starting the second, one of the staff came over and said, “NO CONTACT FOR TWO WEEKS!” and literally pulled her off me. GRRRR I was so pissed off. I don’t get pissed off easily. Unfairness, children being harmed, my name being spelled wrong, and not being able to train how I want are pretty much the only things.

Later on, the coaches had a meeting and said that they preferred to switch training times. Their living schedules were messed up, too, and they were tired as well. I was SO relieved.

Sunday July 30th

I met Maia for the first time on the show and we made friends. From the very beginning, we enjoyed doing jiujitsu together. Actually on the first day we couldn’t go to the gym, we did jiujitsu in the den on the carpet! I knew I was fighting so she said she’d help me prepare. I love Maia! She’s so sweet and thoughtful. I hadn’t even realized her background was boxing since she was so slick on the ground.

Sarj just barely made weight. Maia made it no problem. Maia was worrying about Sarj, but I tried to tell her not to worry about it, and just focus on herself. It’s hard, though, because if Sarj couldn’t make it, she would be sent home and there would be no fight. I like Sarj and wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help or advise, but obviously I couldn’t do that for someone on the other team. Plus I wanted Maia to win.

As the time got closer to go to the weighins, I heard someone praying.

“Dang,” I thought. “Are they asking God to help them now? I bet she stopped sweating.” I felt sympathetic because I know how much weight cutting sucks, but I’ve never gotten to the point where my body stopped being able to lose fluids. That’s super extreme. But hey, at the end of the day, if you can’t make the weight, you don’t belong in that weight division.

In the fight, the weight-cut didn’t seem to affect Sarj. She still seemed sharp. Maia’s striking looked sharp and on point, too! In the end, Sarj managed to get the take down and get a submission. Maia used to fight at 115, and Sarj, at 135. That’s a three weight-class difference! And Sarj is really skilled on top of that, being a decorated black belt. Maia’s loss effected me deeply. I really made friends with Maia and I was so bummed out for a days. Even one of the camera guys, who’s not supposed to talk to us anymore than we can talk to them, whispered, “Are you okay?” to me. I know there’s nothing we can do or say to make the pain of a loss any better, only refocus the mind and cover that negative experience with positive experiences in the present. Maia has been such a great support and friend to me. I hoped I could do the same for her. She didn’t really get to show all that she could do and all her potential in this fight. I can’t wait to see her next match, whenever that may be!

This episode showed how Lauren felt like Eddie was giving her a hard time for not coming to practice. Is that an old school mentality? Even when I won my fight with zero injuries, my coaches were telling me to take a day off. Fighters need to! We put our bodies through so much stress and trauma with not only cutting weight (starving and dehydrating yourself unnaturally), and then the emotional stress taxes you FOR DAYS, and then physically beating on and getting beat on somebody using 100% of effort and physical ability? And then if you lose, you are devastated and thrown, a flaming ball of misery, into the emotional pits of Hell?

It’s not just “oh you lost the game, don’t worry, you’ll live and learn and try against next time!” No. People who say that make me upset. Please try to understand- fighting is our career and livelihood. Winning or losing means our next job is on the line. What if you worked for 6 months and didn’t know what day you would actually get paid, or if you’d make your full salary or half? If the boss likes you maybe he’ll let you work another six months but then still might not pay you? That’s the uncertainty of a fighter.

ooookay sorry that turned into a rant about my pet peeve. lol

Anyway, fighters need to rest and are notorious for not resting enough, especially after getting hit in the head. Rest that brain! I usually try and take more time off if I’m at home (meaning 5 days haha), but in the Ultimate Fighter house, there are only eight girls on the team, so if somebody is out, somebody doesn’t have a partner.

But you know what? Too bad! I remember on the last season of the Ultimate Fighter, I got slammed on my head, right? I got a concussion. I was feeling dizzy and unwell, but I was pressured by the coaches to ‘get back in the gym and help everyone train.’ In their defense, they didn’t know I had a concussion. A few weeks after that, I got an MRI and found out the news. My back, shoulders, and neck were effed up, but I still let Julianna practice guillotining me a billion times. SO when she beat Sarah Moras in the finals by THAT guillotine, you guys have no idea what ecstatic joy I felt! I was like, ‘YEAH! YEEEEEEAH! F YEAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

So I really like Eddie a lot and respect his thought process, but I totally sympathized with Lauren on this one. Sometimes you have to suck up your feelings and do stuff, but happy fighters fight well, so emotions do play a part. Being made to feel confident, cared about, etc, play a role in performance.

Shout out and many thanks to my sponsor Remove it Restoration for always supporting me. πŸ™‚ graffitti removal, glass repair, restoration company operating out of southern Cali!