“A fight is like a party!” he said.

I really need support from my coaches. After my fight, I was depressed. I talked to Abe-san and he smiled and said, “There’ll be a next time! Just train hard! It’s alright! You need more physical training! Come to my kids wrestling class! Become stronger!” Thank you, Abe-san.

I really looked forward to my lesson with Kunioku-san today. It was our first time meeting since my fight. Whenever I’m feeling down, for some reason I always feel calm and more confident when he’s around. Celine said she noticed that, too. (She’d come to London to corner me together with him)

(At King of the Cage, Jan 2010)

First of all, he didn’t speak a word of Japanese the whole lesson, which was amazing. I asked why he wasn’t speaking Japanese, and he just laughed at me. He’s so mysterious. I said, “Look at my hat!” and showed it to him, which had “smile” written on it. He squinted at it and said, “Smee-lei?” purposely mispronouncing the word. I laughed and flipped it around. The back said, ‘peace.’ He said, “Uh, peach?” I nearly cried with laugher. XD XD

I then asked him, “So if you practice something, you’re supposed to get better at it, right?”. He nodded. “So then why,” I continued, “can’t I seem to do striking well? I practice so much.”

“I don’t know,” he said with a smile, shaking his head. “Practice! Just practice! The most important thing is to never give up. If you give up, everything will be nothing.”

“But, I’ve been practicing for years…”
“You know, a fight is a party! It like a party! It’s a fight! You don’t know what gonna happen!”. He struggled to say more but couldn’t find the English.

I stopped. I thought. I reflected. I smiled. A party. I was wondering if he’d be able to say something to inspire me. This was it? lol Interesting comparison. True, a fight is fun… like a party. Well, at the time it’s hard and painful.. But he’s right. I should not forget my love of the fight, and I have to stop holding myself to set expectations I have to do this or that in a fight, or I’ll only make myself miserable if I can’t do it. Just see the opponent, aim, FIRE!

…it’s just so depressing to practice and practice and still not be as good as I want, and disappoint certain people…I got so depressed after Cage Warriors, you have no idea. 🙁 Yodchatri from the Singapore gym Evolve tweeted a quote: “Studies have shown that the pain of losing is 100% greater than the joy of winning.That’s why you have to love what you do.” I totally agree.

Thank you, Kunioku-san. You are exactly the person I needed to talk to. You’re always there for me. Everything feels better now. It’s all inside. That’s why you’re my hero.

(before Cage Warriors)

[edit] I have a sinking feeling part of my problem is my extremely poor eye-sight…but I’m deathly afraid of surgery and I can’t wear contacts… maa,nan to ka naru sa! 🙂…