{"id":1660,"date":"2012-02-23T05:21:31","date_gmt":"2012-02-23T11:21:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/?p=1660"},"modified":"2012-02-23T05:52:25","modified_gmt":"2012-02-23T11:52:25","slug":"give-me-fuel-give-me-fire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/2012\/02\/23\/give-me-fuel-give-me-fire\/","title":{"rendered":"Give me fuel, give me fire"},"content":{"rendered":"

As my fight draws nearer, I’m confronted with a lot of different things. Thoughts swirl around and around my head like a whirlpool, and emotions wind around my heart like a complicated, yet beautiful green vine. <\/p>\n

The vine has thorns. I can’t untangle it.<\/p>\n

I wrote a post before about the voices in my thoughts. (link to blog entry<\/a>) I’m still thinking about them.<\/p>\n

I’ve been forcing myself to watch MMA every day, and thinking I could pump myself up by watching Hashi fight online, but it’s just making me anxious. ~_~ Today I went into work in my street clothes and organized the teacher’s room. I just didn’t feel like going home after training. One of the staff asked me, laughing, “Today’s your day off, so why are you HERE?” I replied, “I like it here.” I feel valued there.<\/p>\n

Well, I finally got my hands on some Dragon Ball Kai. I started watching from the beginning. How many dozens of times have I seen that episode, I wonder…..<\/p>\n

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And I watched.
\nAnd I remembered.
\nI tensed up when Raditz bashed Krillin through the wall, took away Gohan, and sent Goku flying with a knee that must have cracked some ribs. The new music is sooo awesome and adds so much to the mood, doesn’t it?<\/p>\n

Goku, clutching his chest, screamed out for his flying cloud. He knew what he had to do.<\/p>\n

I remembered the thrill, the inspiration, the desire to fight. I started Tae Kwon Do because of the Power Rangers. I’ve said that in interviews. But I was inspired to be a FIGHTER from Dragon Ball Z. A fighter. Who does what is right, what has to be done, no matter what condition he or she is in, under enormous amounts of pressure. Am I a professional athlete? Hah. “Athlete.” I never aspired to be an ‘athlete.’ Do I have an athlete’s body? Who knows.<\/p>\n

I’ve accomplished so much.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\n(post-Fatal Femmes Fighting- Porto TKO)<\/p>\n

I’m a fighter. Not a brawler, not a street fighter, not a jiu-jitsu fighter, not a DBZ fighter…an MMA fighter? I’m my own kind of fighter. I’m fighting my own kind of fight, in my own heart and mind and body. I’m not fighting to win a belt. I’m really not fighting to become number 1- although everybody needs a goal. That had become my goal, but what was the FIRST REASON I ever started training? I think I’ve lost sight of that over the years, getting wrapped up in the sport of MMA. What was the reason the fourteen-year-old me picked up 5-pound dumbbells and without instruction, did the stereotypical curls over and over? I wanted to get stronger. I wanted Piccolo’s muscular arms. I wanted Goku’s limitless determination.<\/p>\n

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I remember looking at the DBZ characters, thinking, “Wow, they are so strong.” Even Krillin was strong in his own way- his character was devoted, loyal, and he did what he had to do to protect himself, his friends, and his conscious. He showed his fear, but he’s no coward.<\/p>\n

And….lastly….Dragon Ball Z IS SO F-ING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
\nWatch this.
\nThat is all.<\/p>\n