{"id":5508,"date":"2015-05-11T22:34:04","date_gmt":"2015-05-12T04:34:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/?p=5508"},"modified":"2015-05-11T22:34:04","modified_gmt":"2015-05-12T04:34:04","slug":"fighter-problems-how-to-defeat-the-haunting-voices","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/2015\/05\/11\/fighter-problems-how-to-defeat-the-haunting-voices\/","title":{"rendered":"Fighter problems: how to defeat the haunting voices"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When you lose a fight, the voices come. <\/p>\n<p>The night of the fight, many fighters don&#8217;t sleep. I know I can&#8217;t sleep.  The voices are there.  They are my thoughts, they are my coach&#8217;s, they are the announcer&#8217;s, they are the opponent&#8217;s after she won.  &#8220;I need you to do ONE more take down!&#8221;  &#8220;Okay I think you won the first round.&#8221;  &#8220;Thank you, everyone.  I trained so hard for this fight, it&#8217;s so satisfying for me&#8230;.&#8221;  &#8220;Why was I so stupid?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Random phrases replaying over and over and over and over.  They leave me no peace.  That&#8217;s why I hate to be alone after my fight.  They are so loud. If I&#8217;m with other people, they are drowned out by what my friends are saying.<\/p>\n<p>But after dinner when they leave and I lay down&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>Fighters who lose should try and spend as much time as possible with the team, friends, family members, etc.  I think it heals their minds and hearts and fastest, and helps shut the voices up.<\/p>\n<p>They are silent sometimes and then pop up suddenly.  Like if I&#8217;m watching a fight and someone&#8217;s in guard or does a knee&#8230;.. <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Why didn&#8217;t you try and stand up?&#8221;  &#8220;Why did you knee her head?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Shut up,&#8221; I tell them.  &#8220;Not now, I&#8217;m busy.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I start hitting pads again and do a hard one two kick combo.  &#8220;Good,&#8221; my coach says.  I&#8217;m pleased with how my power has improved.  &#8220;Why couldn&#8217;t that have knocked her out in the last fight? Did I even land it?&#8221; the voice screamed.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;The punch is fine,&#8221; I argued with it, trying to cram it back down to wherever it came from.  I was trying to focus on training.  One, two, windmill kick!<\/p>\n<p>*Whack!*<\/p>\n<p>That is such a sweet move!<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Did you even TRY to throw that in the fight?&#8221; the voice asked.<\/p>\n<p>So for me, three and a half weeks have passes since my fight.  I hear the voices now and then, especially now that I&#8217;ve resumed training after healing up most of my injuries from the fight.  I have to keep reminding myself that my techniques are solid.  Especially in my last fight, I KNOW that I got so much better and used my skills really well.  I just made a few tactical errors and lost on points.  <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Just choose.  It doesn&#8217;t matter which.  Nobody can foretell the outcome.&#8221;<br \/>\nErwin Smith in Attack on Titan, and Levi say this phrase a lot.<br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/erwin-smith.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/erwin-smith.jpg\" alt=\"erwin smith\" width=\"255\" height=\"237\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-5509\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n &#8220;I should have tried to stand up,&#8221; the voice said.  But I was waiting for her to cock back an arm and try to punch, so I could try and triangle her. I tried for submissions. I MIGHT have submitted her!  It just didn&#8217;t happen.  So I can&#8217;t really fault myself for the choice because I couldn&#8217;t have known.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/PortoModafferiVulgamoreCombatPress-2090.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/PortoModafferiVulgamoreCombatPress-2090-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"PortoModafferiVulgamoreCombatPress-2090\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-5510\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Usually, a big challenge for me, having lost, is to not doubt myself. I thought my stuff being sound, I didn&#8217;t win, so&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>But! I remember once I was asking Coach John a question about my movement and techniques because a teammate was trying to correct my technique, saying I had openings here and here.  I got really bothered and started doubting myself.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Why are you listening to that teammate?  Not even a pro or coach? Do you believe them over me?&#8221; John said.<br \/>\n&#8220;No, no!&#8221; I protested.  &#8220;That&#8217;s not what I meant. I would never doubt you.&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;If you&#8217;re doubting yourself, you&#8217;re doubting me,&#8221; he said.  &#8220;Because I would have told you if you&#8217;re doing it wrong.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ll never forget his voice, and how he stared at me when he said it, and that phrase.<\/p>\n<p>Every time the voice in my head said, &#8220;Is your punch really strong&#8230;?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I can reply immediately, &#8220;Yes, it is. Because John said so.&#8221;   And the voice goes silent.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/john-talking-to-roxy-prefight2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/john-talking-to-roxy-prefight2.jpg\" alt=\"john talking to roxy prefight2\" width=\"720\" height=\"540\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-5511\" srcset=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/john-talking-to-roxy-prefight2.jpg 720w, http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/john-talking-to-roxy-prefight2-632x474.jpg 632w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n(Invicta 8, prefight)<\/p>\n<p>I am not set back by my loss.  I don&#8217;t &#8220;have to go back to square one&#8221; or &#8220;go back to the drawing board.&#8221;  I have built so much and we&#8217;re only continuing to build on what I can already do well.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/happy-roxy-back-to-training2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/happy-roxy-back-to-training2.jpg\" alt=\"happy roxy back to training2\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-5512\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Today John and also Tom, a new addition to our coaching staff, taught me some new stuff and I can&#8217;t wait to try it out.  Every day is an exciting challenge of how much stronger I can get, how many more skills I can add to my tool box, and how much closer I can get to my goals.<\/p>\n<p>I hope I fight again soon!  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you lose a fight, the voices come. The night of the fight, many fighters don&#8217;t sleep. I know I can&#8217;t sleep. The voices are there. They are my thoughts, they are my coach&#8217;s, they are the announcer&#8217;s, they are the opponent&#8217;s after she won. &#8220;I need you to do ONE more take down!&#8221; &#8220;Okay&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fight","category-7","description-off"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5508"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5514,"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508\/revisions\/5514"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/roxannemodafferi.net\/RBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}