Always fighting. Life. Heroes. (blog,self-reflection&vid)

Monday I felt crappy, like I was catching a cold. I did mitts, lifted weights, and then went home and actually laid down. (and watched lots of Bleach) Despite training, I still felt bad about myself for missing MMA team practice. x_x;

Tuesday, I still felt crappy, but I did jiu-jitsu class. Which was AWESOME. Casey reviewed different grips, ways to break them, single-legs, ways to get it when someone is hopping and defending (I learned something new!! booyeah!! Thanks Casey!) Then stuff to do from the leg-sheild from half-guard. NEW! I loved it. 😀 😀 I felt like my grappling got a little sharper just that class. But I still felt bad about myself for not doing the kickboxing/MMA sparring class. ~_~;; *sigh* But didn’t feel up to getting hit in the face/hitting anyone else…

I had stomach problems ALL afternoon and was totally miserable. Also called the Health Insurance company and was on hold for 40 minutes. What a fiasco. _< Did some Yin Yoga in the evening. The room was cooler, but man, I can't hold positions for 4 minutes each. Stuff actually started hurting. I think I like the Earth Flow class the best. My back actually HURT yesterday, and I was like "damnit" but today I woke up and stretched and stretches so far! 😀 So it must have done something.Go yoga! Go Yoga! :} My body is FIGHTING my cold!!! FIGHTING! I'm not coughing or sneezing, but I still feel crappy. :{ Always fighting…..

Fighting for the ideal. I made a Facebook post: “There are so many things about the world and human nature that I just can’t comprehend. Whenever I see a violent movie or the news, I count my blessings. And I wonder, is my mind living in an idealistic Disney movie?

It would seem almost contradictory that I abhor violence, since I’m a pro fighter. A Facebook friend commented, “Violence is when someone is hurt against his or her will, be it physical or mental. What happens inside a ring or cage or similar arena is an athletic struggle between two consenting adults.”

This is true. Sometimes I feel stupid and ignorant closing my eyes to violent things. I guess I’m lucky to have grown up with a loving family in a safe area, and now I try and be careful what situations I put myself into. My heart is sensitive.

I worry that I’m being too idealistic in life. I expect too much. Another facebook friend said, “the ideal is what we seek.”

I think that sentence is key: I want to be the ideal. I want to represent the ideal. I want to teach the ideal. I have a drive to be perfect, which can never be achieved. But you have to tell yourself it can be, in order to try your best. Through reflecting on my past job as a teacher for kids, I see that I’m teaching them the ideal behavior, so they can strive for it and achieve something close. Same for adults, but in different ways. That is the best we can do, and as long as we do our best, we can be good people. That’s why I said that quote from Les Brown (which I screwed up on TUF): Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land amongst the stars.

pic by keith mills

And everybody needs a hero. A hero is someone we can look up to and put on a pedestal. But heroes aren’t perfect. They have flaws. That’s the nature of a hero. They are supposed to be imperfect. We have to love them for what they inspire in us, but don’t expect a god. I’m not perfect, and my heroes definitely aren’t perfect. haha <3 Oh and please watch this vid I made. 🙂 (if it doesn't appear, click on this link: )