Almost surgery time, other updates

So I’ve been having knee problems for a few years now, on and off. I twisted it really hard trying to kick free of a jiujitsu technique called “grapevine.” My knee cracked REALLY loudly. It’s been aching on and off. It used to be that if I iced it and went easy on it for a while and it kinda stopped hurting as long as I didn’t stress it a certain way.

However, right after my most recent MMA fight in January, after I got back into training, the pain intensified and I restarted physical therapy on it at the PI. The therapists thought it was just scar tissue catching under the knee cap, but physical therapy, massage, and ice wasn’t helping. Then in Feb it cracked again extra loudly and got WORSE. I couldn’t really spar on it. I was biding my time, hoping it would calm down again, but then time came for me to enter my fight camp against Talia and I couldn’t train hard. My knee felt like it was shifting and cracking and was unstable. If I twisted it weird or rotated on it with weight on it, it would move and shift and hurt. I was so stressed out… I’m going to go into Mortal Kombat against a Brazilian killer on this thing? Then recently, it cracked and moved more than I’ve ever felt, and got so bad I couldn’t do anything except walk without pain. That was it. I got an MIR and they found a meniscus tear that had degenerated over time, along with a few other things that made total sense.

I’m scared about surgery and upset I had to pull out of my fight, but I’m actually really happy it’s a diagnosable problem and there’s a “fix.” (I hope.) If they hadn’t found anything and didn’t know how to help me, I don’t know what I would have done! Even if I retired from fighting, I couldn’t do jiujitsu or anything! I could barely jog! Right now, straight movements like walking or squatting are fine, but any twist hurts. It’s gonna be this Friday – April 16th! Soon! Yay! But omg! O_O;

I’ve been teaching kids jiujitsu carefully. Yesterday a kid yelped in pain and I leapt to reach him, and my knee shifted and cracked, so that sucked. ~_~ But usually I can do it.

Yesterday I actually got kind of mad at the kids. One boy said, “I have a headache” so Coach Rick allowed him to sit out. Another kid saw that and said, “I have a little headache… can I sit out?” So he was allowed not to roll. Then a third girl said, “Coach, I have a headacheeeeee” really whiny during free rolling time. I told her to try and just do her best, we only had ten minutes left. I tried really hard to encourage them in a positive manner. She wouldn’t try. Unfortunately, I was depressed on top of that had had a rough morning, so finally, I exclaimed loudly, “Alright, you guys, that’s it. I ALSO have a headache, actually. And my knee is busted so I need surgery. My back hurts, my hip hurts, my neck hurts, my shoulder is sore, and I sprained my wrist. I want you two headache guys fight each other, and I’M gonna fight THIS guy!!!” I gestured to a teenage boy who I was trying to get the girl to roll with but she wouldn’t. (He was like, holy crap) I hung my glasses on the cage and rolled with him, which probably wasn’t wise, but WHATEVER.

It was his first week and he didn’t know much, so I ended up teaching him how to pass guard, so that was helpful. I glanced over a few times and saw the two headache-ees standing in front of each other once, and then the second time I saw them tussling a little. YAY.

So after class finished when we lined up, I made sure to praise the headcahe-ees and give them the thumbs up for trying to fight through their pain, even though I had to twist their arms, and they only did it for a minute. They smiled. (Later, my boyfriend Chris gave me some advice about some good things I could have said.) I knew I was emotional about other things so I tried hard not to take it out on the kids, so I didn’t yell angrily. (I never yell angrily anyway) But I couldn’t think of anything good to say. doh.

I’m so so passionate about the kids that their success is my greatest pleasure, but I’m also really emotional when negative stuff happens. lol

SO yeah. I’m in limbo and it sucks, but at least I don’t have the pressure of knowing I have a fight looming but I can’t train. That happened to me before and it was one of the worst months of my life. I have all the support of my coaches and friends, and I have a wonderful boyfriend / life partner who will be able to take care of me when I’m gimpy. <3 I’m feeling positive about it, even if I’m depressed at the same time. I cry sometimes, but doesn’t everybody?

*sigh* Other things… I watched WandaVision with Chris. What a good series! Also I can’t wait for the next Attack on Titan ep. I’m starting the newest seasons of My Hero Academia, Cells at Work: Code Black, and Promised Neverland.

When I’m gimpy, I’m gonna write more of my second autobiography and play piano. I’ve got plans. OH I have new T shirts! email me if you want one. basilisk875 at

I had a good Easter! Colored Easter Eggs with my inner child, Serena, and Chris!

Taking care of Chris’ dog Gangis! Bath time! He looks like a Sith Lord lol

Darth Gangamous
older students who did the throw of the day last week!

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