envy and embarrassment
I didn’t used to be like this, but over the years, I’ve found myself becoming more meticulous when it comes to learning technique. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen so many thousands of techniques over the 15 years I’ve been training. But especially over these last 3 years or so, I can’t understand something if someone doesn’t explain it step by step exactly. Not just “Put your hand on the neck and step back and pull.” I need, “Angle your elbow down at 90 degree angle…then at the same time you pull down, drop your weight and step back, placing your foot 7 inches from this other foot, putting 50% of your balance on this leg and 50% on this leg.”
Like, seriously, that is my idea of a good explanation that I can understand. If you don’t do this, it takes me time to comprehend it, and I get really frustrated. EVERYONE in the class got it and was doing it except me.
As a pro with a record of 15-10, that’s really embarrassing. For grappling it’s faster, but for striking it’s even worse. If the teacher assumes I already know and just gives me a brief demo and expects me to do it, forget it, I want to cry already.
I’m so envious of everyone who just ‘gets it.’ What the hell happened to me? I used to pick it up so quickly. I’m trying to figure it out. Maybe because I’ve had people explain a bit and then I waste my time and energy trying it out until I get it, like trial and error, I’m tired of it. I don’t want the teacher to leave until I understand the concept so I don’t waste my time trial and erroring if they can just tell me. 🙁 I dunno.
I got really frustrated at Neo Judo last night, trying to do a technique, and I think I bummed everyone out. I think I bummed the teacher out, and it wasn’t his fault at all. I was just so confused, and it was so humiliating. ~_~ I didn’t know the Japanese language enough to ask the simple question I wanted to ask. That’s the worst.
I kind of got it in the end, but I couldn’t do it in sparring. I guess we can’t always do new stuff immediately…but still. Or maybe my expectations are high and I want to do it perfectly the first time? Maybe that’s it…maybe I expect to be able to do it immediately.
I want to know if anyone is like this….…Details