Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

censorship…imagery or topics…cultural?

Posted in cultural on May 27th, 2015 by roxyfighter

I was talking to my Japanese friend Goto-san about censorship. It was sparked by me passing posters for “Attack on Titan” in Walmart. I saw them, and a few seconds later, a mother pushing kids in a cart passed by, and a little boy who looked about 8 exclaimed, “Oh, Attack on Titan posters!!!”

I thought, “Isn’t he a little young to be watching that?” Giant titans eat people and tear them apart and their guts go flying everywhere as they scream in terror. I feel like parents don’t sensor their kids nowadays. More and more violence is on TV and video games, and nobody seems to care.
titan eating someone
I really feel like exposing anybody to violence influences them subconsciously. Either it desensitizes them or influences them somehow. BUT there are no studies to say that watching violence makes someone violent. Studies are inconclusive and people I’ve talked to always remind me of that.

I know that regarding myself, I’m a very sensitive person and I’m very glad my parents censored what I watched as a kid. Now, I make sure not to see super violent movies with lots of shooting and violent death and blood spurting everywhere. It bothers me.

titan eating someone 2
But parents claim that it won’t bother their kids. How do they know it won’t? How do they know it will? Hmmm difficult topic. Some people say that the kids have to know about the world some day. It depends on the kid, they say.

Getting back to my conversation with Goto-san, he was saying that the topics are more important than the imagery. Kids know that giants eating people is fiction. However, stuff like bullying, suicide, child pornography, and themes are more important in censorship. He mentioned that nudity is acceptable in anime and for the general public to see, whereas it’s more prohibited on American TV and movies and shows are rated R and stuff. However, there’s more of a problem with child pornography and rape and kidnapping stuff in America than Japan. I said that that’s just culture. Hmm.

So imagery and topics….

He said that morality is can be taught through anime. Like “One Piece,” for example. It really focus on the topic of friendship and nakama. Valuing people, being loyal to people, protecting those you love. Some day that the school classes about morality are unneeded since we have “One Piece.”
one piece friendship pic
I totally agree that One Piece has all these themes, and if you get into the anime or manga, it’s really touching and influential.

I remember there used to be this Sunday morning cartoon called “Leap Frogs,” and my parents sat me down when I was a kid and told me that they didn’t want me to watch it anymore because it conveyed bad stereotypes about black people. They didn’t want me being exposed to those bad stereotypes.

I wish tests and studies could be more conclusive….

Like over time, kids who play super bloody and violent video games grow up….. how do you define “fine” and how do you measure the influence on their thought process and daily activities?

You can’t say that I’m kind because I didn’t watch violence growing up. Or can you? How do you measure psychological trauma? I know a family friend showed their daughter Poltergeist and she had nightmares for weeks.

Not related to this theme, the fact that this statue exists makes me want to throw up……

statue of attack on titan
am I the only one who thinks this is horrible? I feel like it’s making fun of death. Those people on the show DIED. Eaten! Ripped apart. Is that so interesting? Am I the only one taking this way too seriously? Is everyone else like “oh it’s just a show hahaha.”
Maybe THAT is the point of this whole thing! Maybe I’m desensitized to the violence so take it super seriously and everyone else just sees it as “fiction.” Eren’s mother was eaten by a titan and Eren was crying and mourning her the whole rest of the show. It’s so sad. If my mother got eaten I’d be devastated. Am I taking it too seriously…? It seems nobody else thinks like that. But is that good or bad? or just is?

I welcome your opinions and comments. either on my facebook or on this page or

Brittany’s visit to Vegas! (food, UFC, training)

Posted in friends, fun, training on May 25th, 2015 by roxyfighter

My friend Brittany came and visited from last Tuesday to yesterday, Sunday! We had a great time but I’m really tired and sleep deprived now, hahaha! She got even less sleep. 😛

I took her to my favorite restaurant SkinnyFats twice and we actually got the same thing both times. lol

buri at skinnyfats 1

I gained two pounds and it’s all Brittany’s fault. XAD
We that night, we went to the Ale House at one point and we got the Super Mega Mountain of Chicken Nachos! I thought that was all we were going to get, but then she got this appetizer plate, and while I was in the bathroom ordered TWO ice cream cakes! She couldn’t eat everything and I couldn’t just stare at the cakes and watch them melt.

omg I thought I was gonna throw up after that. haha Lord. x_x I love/hate you, Bri!!

mountain of nachoes

eating cake with brittany

On Thursday, I had wanted to do MMA class but everything was wrong with my body. lol Nagging injuries, I felt sick (from the above), girl stuff, and sleep deprived. My body was like “eat vegetables, shut up and don’t move.” LOL I ate breakfast and went back to bed. x_x Ended up relaxing for part of the day, going shopping at the NIKE store with Brittany and eating the best freaking potroast in my entire life at the famous Black Bear Diner.

and feeling like a stuffed turkey afterwards. Again. I blame Brittany. XD (love you!)
black bear diner menuespotroast with bri and i
I could have gotten the smaller size, but my mom ended up enjoying the left overs.

Friday we both did MMA!
I didn’t realize it at the time but I totally monopolized Brittany and she didn’t even get to train with the other girls. oops sorry.

brittany and tom and roxy at syndiate
Big Coach John wasn’t there. :/ Helping Mike Pyle cut weight for his UFC fight, but Tom was. We enjoyed his class.
syndicate group pic with brittanygirl training at syndicate brittany
I love Tom’s wall drills at the end.

We went to the UFC on Saturday!
brittany at ufc doors

Bri said I was a walking billboard for Syndicate. lol
brittany at ufc nike

Such awesome fights! We missed Uriah Hall’s and Stun Gun’s cuz we were getting food. ;_; And the girlfight didn’t happen! I’m so bummed…I wanted to see Rose fight. ;_;

Mike Pyle lost decision from getting stuck in guard and not being able to do anything. OMFG like Deja Vous of my last fight! The top guy wasn’t doing any damage but he was being defensive and holding and staying in the top position. Grrrr wtf are we supposed to do then. The ref wasn’t standing them up because the top guy was being JUST active enough. I wanted to throw up and cry at the same time. So pissed off. ~_~; Mike is so slick and almost got two subs. gah

Sitting near us was Eddie “Truck” Gordon from season 19, and….another guy who looked so familiar but I couldn’t place his name. Brittany didn’t know. I hate to bother people for pics, but fans were getting pics, so while they were still standing up, I jumped up and said, “Hey, can I get a pic too?” Eddie was like, “Hey Roxy!” I thought, “Oh damn have we met before? Or does he know me from TUF?”
al iaquinta and truck gordon
Oh, celebrity problems. I shook their hands. “Haha an Ultimate Fighter picture!” he said. lol and I sat down. A clue! omg so familiar. I suck with names. I tweeted the pic “I met two guys from the Ultimate Fighter, can you name them?” Surreptitiously trying to ask the Twitterverse. BUT NOBODY GOT HIM RIGHT. Someone was like “Tim Gorman,” but he was on my season and he didn’t look like him. I forget how I eventually found out, but it was Al Iaquinta. XD Ah, him! I saw him on Ariel Helwani’s MMA hour when he justified cussing out a fan for boo-ing. haha Super nice guy. *_* Now his face (and the spelling of his name) is forever ingrained in my memory because I was starring at his picture for so long trying to recognize him. hahaha hehasaniceface but anyway….

After the fights, we got invited to an after party but neither of us had clothes that they’d let us in a club. Note to self: freaking dress up for UFC events so we can go to after parties. It was midnight and I wanted to pass out because it was past my bedtime of 10:00 PM but took Brittany to Walmart, where in 30 mins and $30 she made an outfit. It looked FANTASTIC. She is an amazing lady, my Brittany. XD
bri walmart
I actually didn’t join her and got scolded by Sean by leaving my friend alone in Vegas while she tried to find the club… ;_; Now I feel bad. anyway….

She left on Sunday and I’m sad. ;_;

It was awesome to have one of my best friends here to talk about serious stuff with. Life is funny. Sometimes you gotta get crazy, and sometimes you gotta tone it down.

Fantastic training, Baby shower, Blue Exorcist, crazy team pic, trip Northwest, Herbal Papaya

Posted in amusing, every day, friends, fun, training on May 15th, 2015 by roxyfighter

It’s been a fantastic week so far! Awesome awesome training. I’m back to training in full force. I learned new combos that I’m hitting in practice already. yay! I hated being out for three weeks. 🙁 I felt like crap mentally and physically so I procrastinated on writing my book…I could have finished it by now, but I felt like such crap. I did take major steps with it, though, which is better than nothing, so I AM almost finished! 😀

And Hannah is back! I love love love training with her. XD and she’s my friend. I love being able to see my friends every day.

I finished reading the Attack on Titan manga, what’s released, and moved on to Blue Exorcist. I really like it!
blue exorcist pic
This boy finds out in episode 1 that he’s the son of the devil and has powers….but his human father is an Exorcist…and adventure ensues.
You can watch it here legally for free.

Janna and John had a baby shower and I was invited. It was so nice and wonderful. XD Babies!!
roxy and tony in glasses

roxy janna babyshower
cool group at baby shower
I kind of want one myself some day. I think I have good genes to pass on, but I have neither the time nor significant other at the moment… and I’m 32 years old. :X Oh well, I’ll just enjoy taking care of other people’s kids for now.

Speaking of other people’s kids, I resumed my private lessons with Preston! The other day he said, “It’s my birthday! I’m older than you! I’m eight!”
roxy and cute student preston and trebla gi
(click to enlarge)
LMAO I laughed so hard I was rolling around on the ground. He has no concept of age. hahaha HE’S SO CUTE I can barely stand it. XD Except when I tell him to get side control or mount on me, he jumps REALLY hard on my chest/face/stomach and I have to block, or I’ll get a heel in the eye. x_x Just because I’m a giant doesn’t mean he can abuse meeeee. <3 I tell ya, kids have no concept of things. 😀 I'm really enjoying my Herbal Papaya products, especially this ground up seed powder. I like putting it on my eggs and salad. It has an appealing nutty-peppery taste and it supposed to be good for digestion. herbal papaya powder pic
This bag is lasting forever. I used it like every other day and I’ve had it for maybe more than two months and there’s still a third left. So you get your money’s worth.

This happened yesterday. Don’t ask, I can’t tell. XD Coach John texted us to wear crazy stuff and bring weapons after practice. lol wut? The craziest thing I had was my Princess Leia costume. XD haha Hopefully more info coming soon. XD Let’s just say I love my team Syndicate so damn much.
team syndicate  crazy group

Don’t forget, for my fans in Portland and Washington, I’m doing two appearances. One seminar at Victory Athletics, and I’ll be at the event Glamour in Portland! Both May 30th
victory mma seminar

glamour info

Fighter problems: how to defeat the haunting voices

Posted in fight on May 11th, 2015 by roxyfighter

When you lose a fight, the voices come.

The night of the fight, many fighters don’t sleep. I know I can’t sleep. The voices are there. They are my thoughts, they are my coach’s, they are the announcer’s, they are the opponent’s after she won. “I need you to do ONE more take down!” “Okay I think you won the first round.” “Thank you, everyone. I trained so hard for this fight, it’s so satisfying for me….” “Why was I so stupid?”

Random phrases replaying over and over and over and over. They leave me no peace. That’s why I hate to be alone after my fight. They are so loud. If I’m with other people, they are drowned out by what my friends are saying.

But after dinner when they leave and I lay down….

Fighters who lose should try and spend as much time as possible with the team, friends, family members, etc. I think it heals their minds and hearts and fastest, and helps shut the voices up.

They are silent sometimes and then pop up suddenly. Like if I’m watching a fight and someone’s in guard or does a knee…..

“Why didn’t you try and stand up?” “Why did you knee her head?”

“Shut up,” I tell them. “Not now, I’m busy.”

I start hitting pads again and do a hard one two kick combo. “Good,” my coach says. I’m pleased with how my power has improved. “Why couldn’t that have knocked her out in the last fight? Did I even land it?” the voice screamed.

“The punch is fine,” I argued with it, trying to cram it back down to wherever it came from. I was trying to focus on training. One, two, windmill kick!


That is such a sweet move!

“Did you even TRY to throw that in the fight?” the voice asked.

So for me, three and a half weeks have passes since my fight. I hear the voices now and then, especially now that I’ve resumed training after healing up most of my injuries from the fight. I have to keep reminding myself that my techniques are solid. Especially in my last fight, I KNOW that I got so much better and used my skills really well. I just made a few tactical errors and lost on points.

“Just choose. It doesn’t matter which. Nobody can foretell the outcome.”
Erwin Smith in Attack on Titan, and Levi say this phrase a lot.
erwin smith
“I should have tried to stand up,” the voice said. But I was waiting for her to cock back an arm and try to punch, so I could try and triangle her. I tried for submissions. I MIGHT have submitted her! It just didn’t happen. So I can’t really fault myself for the choice because I couldn’t have known.


Usually, a big challenge for me, having lost, is to not doubt myself. I thought my stuff being sound, I didn’t win, so….

But! I remember once I was asking Coach John a question about my movement and techniques because a teammate was trying to correct my technique, saying I had openings here and here. I got really bothered and started doubting myself.

“Why are you listening to that teammate? Not even a pro or coach? Do you believe them over me?” John said.
“No, no!” I protested. “That’s not what I meant. I would never doubt you.”
“If you’re doubting yourself, you’re doubting me,” he said. “Because I would have told you if you’re doing it wrong.”

I’ll never forget his voice, and how he stared at me when he said it, and that phrase.

Every time the voice in my head said, “Is your punch really strong…?”

I can reply immediately, “Yes, it is. Because John said so.” And the voice goes silent.

john talking to roxy prefight2
(Invicta 8, prefight)

I am not set back by my loss. I don’t “have to go back to square one” or “go back to the drawing board.” I have built so much and we’re only continuing to build on what I can already do well.

happy roxy back to training2

Today John and also Tom, a new addition to our coaching staff, taught me some new stuff and I can’t wait to try it out. Every day is an exciting challenge of how much stronger I can get, how many more skills I can add to my tool box, and how much closer I can get to my goals.

I hope I fight again soon!

week after my fight (Tourney of Kings, bro, seminar, movies, Kalecia)

Posted in every day, family and holidays, fight, friends on May 4th, 2015 by roxyfighter

A little over a week has gone by after my fight and it feels like forever because I’m not on my usual training schedule. I have minor injuries from the fight, so I had to take a little more time off. Hopefully this week I can get back. 🙂 I’ve been weight-lifting, and the only time I can weight-lift properly is if I can’t do MMA class. So might as well make use of that time.

btw Here is my post-fight interview. I wanted to make a statement but it wasn’t my place to join the press conference since I didn’t win. But Invicta graciously provided me a camera man and took my statements.

It’s really hard to not dwell on it, since I don’t have another job I can distract myself with. Emotional pain of a loss never really heals…you just have to bear it and cover it with hope and hard work and the next win. And try to be positive.

And I positively did try to eat a lot and hang out with as many people as I could! I’m also watching a crap-ton of anime. I rewatched Attack on Titan, Kenichii, and a few real people movies like The Avengers. (yes I saw the new movie! It was fantastic!)

I hung out with my teammate Kalecia at SkinnyFats one day, and went out for sushi with her another.
kalecia and sushi

My friends sent me flowers!! <3 So sweet. flowers from rob and friends

My friend from Ryan came to Vegas to visit, and we got to hang out! I’ve known him for like…over ten years, but we’ve only met once before since he lives in Canada. 😀
ryan and roxy and armor
We went to the show called “Tournament of Kings,” where we eat a hen and potatoes with our bare hands and watch knights jousting. I thought the guy who played “King of France” was kind of hot… *_*
knights from tournament
Before that, we played games and he bought me ice cream. *_* So sweet. The man and the ice cream. He introduced me to the Dairy Queen “Peanut Buster parfait” or something and omggggg so yummy.
tok ryan packman airhockey

The Tournament of Kings was Friday. On Saturday, I went over Coach John’s house with teammates and we watched the boxing Mayweather vs Pacquiao. Fun!
Sunday I saw the Avengers.

Today, my step-brother (blue shirt) and his friends came to town for a bit of vacation and we met up! I was really really looking forward to it, and it was awesome! I showed them Syndicate and we went to SkinnyFats 😀 So good to see Chris again!! <3 It was kind of bizarre not being in Boston when together. Haha It's my neck of the woods now! chris and friends in vegas

I’m planning a trip to Washington State, Tacoma and Portland. I am going to do a seminar at Victory Athletics on May 30th, and then I’ll be at the Glamour event in Portland that night!
More info on their facebook page!
victory mma seminar