Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

My Invicta 19 blog

Posted in Uncategorized on September 25th, 2016 by roxyfighter

Well, I had an exciting week at Invicta FC 19. I arrived on Tuesday, coach John on Wednesday, and we successfully dressed up as She-ra and He-man for the photo shoot. I made a big effort to find the costumes, and swords. Then found I didn’t have adequate support for “the girls,” and the front fell. Jessy found lingerie tape for me, which I didn’t know existed, so I could tape the top to my chest so anyone taller than me wouldn’t have a view. I’m just mentioning it cuz it took effort! lol And the wig…I tried on like 6 wigs at the costume store, texting pics to Jessy and John. There was a golden one I liked, too, but those two thought the blond one was best.
And I had wanted to find just a He-man rashguard or something for John since he is built like He-man anyway and doesn’t need fake muscles, but then I wouldn’t know how to make a furry loincloth. lol
Money was spent but well worth it.
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Cutting weight was not fun but as easy as I could have made it because I dieted well, salt-cut well, and waterloaded well. Thursday morning I climbed out of the tub, craweled downstairs at 10:30 AM, weigh-ed in in front of the commission, and then got to rehydrate and eat. It’s “early weigh-ins,” a new thing the commissions are doing. Then later that day at 7 PM, we did the staged one.
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I always take some sportsfood strips after weigh-ins. They have sodium and electrolytes.
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Sportsfood sponsored me a bunch of fights ago and I tried them because of that, but found that I REALLY like and support the product more than I expected. So shoutout to sportsfood! Thank you!
http://www.sportsfood.com/
My friends from out of town started showing up!
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I didn’t take as many pictures as I usually do, I think.
Then the public weigh-in and Faceoff!
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I like Jennifer a lot. I sense she’s a good martial artist. When I looked into her eyes, I sensed only excitement and readiness to fight me.
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I hung out with Jessy Jess and John and Tom on fight day. Got my hair done. Went to Cheesecake factory. lol a lot. Walked around the Plaza shopping area.
Then it was fight-time.
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I’d never felt so good physically with zero injuries. I’d never been in such good cardio condition. I’ve never had so many tools in my toolbox. I was so ready.
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I didn’t really feel any emotions. I just walked out there ready to fight.
It was a great fight. (Images owned by Invicta)
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I wasn’t able to corner her against the cage as much I had hoped. I wanted to get a take-down that way. She actually tried to do that to me, and I had to hustle to regain the center of the cage. Once I was half turned from ducking out and kind of jogged away and thought, “Crap, I wonder if ppl will see this like Conor turned his back to Nate Diaz and got flack for it online” LOL BUT I DIDN’T MEAN TO, honest.
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I am very proud of myself for being able to land a lot of combos that I’d been practicing. However, it was as if she ate them and was like, *Terminator voice* “Your attacks are stupid,” and pushed forward. Then when she hit me, I was jolted backwards. x_x That was pretty discouraging. Her face wasn’t bruised or anything and my face is all f*cked up. John said he thinks I won the fight, but if you look at my face, you wouldn’t think so. :/ I just wasn’t strong enough.

I feel proud I was able to do the techniques, like the Roxycoper! but also really sad they didn’t fell my opponent. Before the fight I was constantly stressing to interviewers that the belt really didn’t mean as much as the win, and while that’s true….I had really wanted to bring the belt home to Syndicate. I was rehearsing in my head, that when Shannon wrapped the belt around my waist, I would hold it up with John and Tom on either side and say, “This is Syndicate’s belt!” I had wanted to show my kids and let them touch it. I wanted to be John’s champion…

That didn’t happen. It feels good to know that I can hang with and almost win against the fighter ranked number 1 in my division. But still. Half the money, half the glory. Well at least nobody asked me if I’m going to retire anytime soon! YAY!! That question is so annoying. People just quit asking me and just wished me a happy birthday. Good.

I’m so grateful to Invicta for giving me this opportunity to fight in their awesome organization, and fight Jennifer! They always treat me well! Thank you Shannon, Julie, Angie, Kaitlin, and the crew!
My friends didn’t give me a chance to get sad and took me out to dinner and I ate cheesecake for an appetizer at…the CHEESECAKE FACTORY. We went there so often . lol
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So many friends came out from all over the States. Even Eric holden, my favorite stalker (he’s not really a stalker, though) joined us! I didn’t want any pictures after my fight because of my face, and then Steve said, “Own that shit!” and I cried on his shoulder because he was right, I should be proud to be a fighter, but actaually I failed to hurt my opponent. I rarely hurt my opponent. I’m not a fsking striker and it’s so frustrating. Jiu-jitsu is the art that allows you to use leverage and not strength to defeat your opponent, and I couldn’t quite “jiu-jitsu her.” I’m also not vain like “oh my beautiful face.” It’s like, “You didn’t block that. You suck.” every time I look in the mirror.

I’m glad my mom isn’t here to see this.

I love you all.
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I turned 34 on September 24th, the day after the fight. Despite going to bed at 3 AM, Candy woke up and drove me and Jessy to the Urgent care at 8:30 AM because I have a bruised cornea. Thank you!
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That’s like partial tear on the surface of the eye…it heals within a week, but the pain is excruciating. Every time you blink it’s like needles, and if you cry, the salt gets in… Because of that, I only iced my left eye so my right eye ended up swelling shut. Which was almost a blessing in disguise because I didn’t have to use facial muscles to hold it closed or get an eyepatch. I just looked super f*cked up so Jessy lent me her sunglasses. I don’t want people to look at me and be sad…

I kept bumping into people on my right side while walking, only looking through my very nearsighted left eye…and I thought to myself…dang, I’m glad I have an eye! Imagine trying to function in this world completely blind?! I have friends who got their orbitals broken, who see lines permanently in their vision, and that poor guy who went blind cuz Faber poked him in the eye? I’m so lucky I got off with a messed up face, bruised cornea, and swollen ankle.

Then when we finally got home, Jessica, Cindy, and Hannah burst into song!! A surprise party! 😀 aaaah Taco bell and ice cream cake! I’m so touched!!
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I felt really loved.

Today, Sunday, through freezing my face, I managed to bring down the swelling a bit so I could open my right eye. I rewatched my fight…. :/
Then went over Cindy’s and had Hannah’s and her joint birthday party. It was nice. Now I’m back and looking at pictures of my fight.

My skull hurts a lot from bruises. x-x I can’t wait to heal up so I can get back to training. I want to do more gi BJJ and find out what physical training coach John has in store for me.

You never know in the MMA world. Things are crazy. Things never happen fairly or the way you’d guess. Things can change in fighters’ lives overnight with fight offers and opportunities. We all have to be ready mentally and physically at all time.

I did a pretty good job of being positive and uplifting in post fight interviews. Now I feel like sh*t and just want my cornea to heal so my vision stops being blurry so I can watch anime instead of laying on the sofa like a loser with ice packs covering my head…. I hope I can drive tomorrow.

Best fight camp of my career! I’m so ready!

Posted in fight on September 19th, 2016 by roxyfighter

This has been the best fight camp of my career! You know what made it so great?

I started WAY AHEAD OF TIME. I started dieting months in advance, so I didn’t have to stress about being exhausted from calorie deficit during training. I kept my cardio very good, and then just turned on the training hard the final month. That’s why I never really doing get “fight camps.” I built my regular training schedule so that I work as hard as my body can go without breaking and getting sick. The only extra thing I do before a fight is more cardio, and well, shark tanks, too.

Plus the game plan is straight forward, and I have all these moves I can’t WAIT to try!

And thanks to Teri, our resident massage therapist, my body feels great.

No injuries at all!! All my nagging injuries are silent. Just like before my last fight. Man, I owe her so much. It’s amazing. I haven’t felt this good in ages.

I feel like I can’t possibly lose! But of course I’m pushing those thoughts out of my head. Of course I could lose. I could go out there and slip when I should have blocked and she could knock me out with the first punch. That happened to my friend and it will always be in the back of my mind. Man, she was looking so good in training! And I’m not gonna be like “I’m gonna win because I want it more!” Jennifer Maia wants to win, too.

I like her. I really wish she would get more promotion but she doesn’t speak English so I guess it’s hard? :/
I posted this on intragram!
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And she replied! 😀
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Today was my last day with the team before leaving.
Mitts with head coach theonlypersonwhocanteachmestriking Jedi Master “Big” John Wood.
Wearing his clothing line “Maverick Unbranded.”
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I wanna do well so badly but I’m trying not to put pressure on myself. I won’t let myself get caught up in, “I’m fighting for my family! for my friends! I must win for my coach!” yeah it’s true but just stick to the basics: I want to land the combos I’ve been working. When I repeat visualize the techniques it helps me calm down. Man, I’m not looking forward to fight day before the actual fight happens. Worst tension, worst indigestion, worst restlessness you ever experience.

Today I was sitting between Jess and Jessy after doing technique!
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You ladies really helped me out with my fight prep. Certainly not the only people I trained with, but thanks for coming in to do shark tanks!
and Serena jumped in!! <3 The Reena! jess-jessy-and-serena-and-roxy

I’m ready.
Thanks to all my sponsors…so many fans and friends are supporting me! <3 thank you! 😀 roxy-posing-small
Dragon Do, Remove it Restoration, Combatsportslaw.com, Rob and Aardvark Painting, Top Notch Fighter, Cryohelmet, East and West, The Crilly Family, Celia Lemon Badger, Mike Boxing Wiz, Passive Jay, Katie and The Void, Gene Perez, Dominate Your Game, Idrink, Herbal Papaya, KSA Martial Arts Academy in Tennessee, my webmaster at Wetdryvac.net, and my sponsor agent Brian Moore and Legends of the Cage.
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For Crypohelmet, if you use the code ROXYCRYO you get 25% off! check out the website cryohelmet.com

Fightergirl’s BBQ, training, mentality, CM Punk’s fight, “performance”

Posted in every day, fight, friends, training on September 11th, 2016 by roxyfighter

My week was pretty awesome. I’m really happy with my training. Every session I achieve something.
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Honestly, it’s almost been too good. I keep telling myself things over and over again to keep from being overconfident. I’m not “cocky” but I don’t want to feel like I’m gonna cream her and it’ll be easy. Jennifer Maia is really tough, really skilled, she’s gonna hit me hard, I have to keep pushing, I’m not perfect, I’m sure lots of my moves won’t land, I might get tired, my cardio isn’t endless.

I feel really good when I start thinking about how excited I am to be able to face off against the number 1 ranked fighter. I can’t wait to try all my new stuff! The only way I’ll feel pressure is when I start thinking about the significance of everything, like how this fight effects my life. If I just keep it simple, such as “I want to try my Roxycopter on her” everything else melts away.

My kids classes have been a bit small, probably due to back to school stuff, but my students are doing awesome! We’ve been working on arm-bars lately and a few kids have been making others tap.

Last weekend, the fightergirls of Syndicate had a BBQ at Jessica’s apartment complex! Hannah left before we could take the picture and Jamie couldn’t make it. But we had a lot of fun! I’m glad we could welcome Jessy Jess to the team.
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Kalecia got a Darth Vader pinata, and we let the kids playing in the pool, plus Jessica’s kids whack at it. Actually, I was a little disappointed because I’ve never actually gotten to hit a pinata in my life. I thought that day might be the day but I was wrong. My disappointment was erased when we shooed the kids away and Serena decapitated it with a roundhouse kick. XD LOL
pinata
Today is September 11th. In 2001, I was a freshman in college and had just returned to my dorm room which I shared with two other girls. They were both watching TV and said, “Hey, an airplane just crashed into the World Trade Center!” I was like, “What?” How is that even possible? It was almost like watching a movie….impossible stuff like that don’t just HAPPEN to places I knew and loved!

Killing other people is sad. I wish people would stop. The end. It’s simple. Usually the most difficult, complicated-seeming things are actually the most simple.

SO yesterday I watched the UFC and watched CM Punk fight Mickey Gall. I’ve been curious and watched some pre-fight interviews of both men. I like them both, actually. Mickey seemed pretty down-to-earth and cool. I’ve actually met CM Punk before! It was at an Invicta show, and Shayna Baszler knew him from Pro wrestling.

So my feelings on this matter are…. “Pride never die!” Pride is the name of a Japanese MMA organization that always had “freak shows,” or big mismatches because they were interesting. They sold a lot of tickets and had a TV deal…until they didn’t, and MMA slowly died in popularity in Japan. But we Pride fans are sad so we say “Pride Never Die!” to continually show our support. Anyway, so the “sport” of Mixed martial arts is a combination of “sports” and “entertainment.” We fighters only get paid of people want to see us fight. People want to see us fight if A) we are skilled B) we have interesting, flashy moves C) look interesting, whether it be beautiful, or have big boobs, or are super ugly, or huge and monstrous, or maybe have an interesting personality (prolly why I got chosen for TUF).

CM Punk got his chance in the UFC because of his popularity in his pro wrestling career. A pro baseball player got to fight against an actual fighter in Pride. This is not like a president giving a cushy, well-paying desk job to his son or daughter where they do nothing and collect money. These guys who are not prepared will get beaten down. I have no sympathy if they go in there unprepared. They, or their coaches, should know this and if they they still want to try and show their skills, good luck to them. They trained hard and I can respect that. Losing a fight is traumatizing as hell!

Another thing is, I’ve always found it weird when people talk about a fighters “performance.” When I came back to America after living in Japan for years, it struck me as odd to hear that word, but I figured I was just getting used to English again. lol I’m not really “performing.” I’m fighting. I don’t care what other people think of the beauty of my punches and kicks. I’m going out there to win a fight which could result in broken bones or concussions. I’d rather say “Oh you fought well” rather than “You had a good performance.” Performance my butt! I’m not an actor. The weigh-ins are my performance.

So yeah. 🙂

Oh, check out my new sponsor “Cryohelmet.” It cools the head after sparring, and is good to make headaches and migraines go away. If you use the code “ROXYCRYO” at purchase, you get 25% off! http://www.cryohelmet.com/

And idrink!

the law of the fight game, shugyou

Posted in fight, training on September 1st, 2016 by roxyfighter

My week has been pretty great.

I haven’t run stairs in a week and a half because I’m getting plenty of stamina and cardio training from Saturday’s MMA circuit and Wednesday’s shark-tanks. My weight is really low thanks to my good diet, self control, and food poisoning. 😀 I only have to lose two more pounds of fat and then I’m good. I can do that in one week.

One of my friends once told me that I shouldn’t write that I’m learning so much and I don’t know this and that, because I’m supposed to be a high-level fighter who should give the impression of being a master and not weak.

I don’t agree at all, but every time I write “I learned this new thing!” I think of him. haha But really, lately I’ve been learning things that I didn’t know I didn’t know. Sometimes it’s frustrating because sometimes I know that I’m doing portion A of the move correctly, like the stepping and hip movement, but there’s some portion B I’m doing wrong. I’m not sure what B is, but I know that’s the problem. However my coach keeps explaining portion A again. Then my brain gets stuck and even if he happens to mention the real problem, I sometimes don’t notice. That happened yesterday. Later, my training partner was like, “Actually your problem was using your upper body and arms to pull more” and then I realized my coach had mentioned that, but my focus was on the other thing so it didn’t sink in. 🙁

Communication is complicated, isn’t it? My brain is complicated. AT LEAST IT’S IN ENGLISH! 😀 I remember my former instructors trying to explain something in Japanese and I kept having to tell them to slow down because not only did my brain have to understand how the technique worked, but I had to translate the meaning of the words first. x_x The average non-language teacher has trouble slowing their speech.

Anyway. I randomly learned two super important techniques without even meaning to this week.

Jessy Jess is here visiting from Australia to train! I didn’t even know her last name until ten minutes ago when I googled it + sherdog LOL…it’s Clark. I love having her here and training with her. She attacked me with some stuff that I’m not used to, and that lead to me practicing a new defense. Thank youuuu. New friend, yay. (purple hair)
girls monday practice jessy
Coach John has been putting in a lot of extra time to my fight camp. I hope he knows how grateful I am. I’m tired every day and I don’t have to worry about taking care of a family or running a gym or managing other people’s fight careers or a clothing line, etc!
What clothing line? I’m SO GLAD YOU ASKED. Check out http://www.maverickunbranded.com/
maverick shirts

So a shark-tank means that I do five 5-minute rounds with a mix of hitting pads hard with John, then Jessy will try to take me down and I have to defend, then Jessica will hold me against the cage and I have to get away, then I have to pick up the heavy bag, carry it around, slam it down, ground and pound, then get back up and hit mitts, then Jessy will get on top and I have to escape, etc.
shark tank with john jessy jess
It’s already not easy when you are feeling energetic and in shape, but what if you’re tired and hurt?

Pretty much, the law of the fight game is that you have to “win anyway.” You could be gassed, but you have to punch anyway. Your hand could be broken, but you have to find a way to win anyway. Hurt eye? Tired arms? Cramping legs? Move anyway. Find a way to win anyway. Or you lose.

I’ve known this and believed in it for a long time. “Win anyway” became a mantra after I fought Hashi with hurt knee. I accepted the fight and realized that I couldn’t use the knee as an excuse.

And if I can dork out for a moment, can you name a single anime series where the hero isn’t already tired and beat up from fighting lackies before facing the end villain, who is always fresh? Can you?
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Anime is life, how many times do I have to tell you this? 😀

I’ve gotten into shamisen music. I’ve always liked it. It’s in some Naruto battle music. I also love the Yoshida brothers. Here’s a video of theirs.

I’ve been really into Hakuoki lately. It’s an anime covering the Boshin war in 1868. The characters (who are attractive and bad-ass) are actually real people. The character development is good. They act very Japanese and very bushido. I love it.
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(click to enlarge)
They depict the highest standards of honor. Whether in real life it was really like that 100% of the time is another matter, but the ideals are what I shoot for in my life.

That’s the other thing…. I feel I need to strive for perfection, and since it can’t be reached, I’ll never sit back and believe I’ve reached it. That’s why I prefer to wear white jiu-jitsu gi’s after all… it symbolizes purity of heart and an open mind.
And there’s not only physical practice of techniques, there’s “Shugyo,” which translates roughly to mental training.

Title fight psychology

Posted in fight, friends on August 25th, 2016 by roxyfighter

I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I think it’s daylight savings time nearing it’s end (that always happens to me). It doesn’t help that I have been feeling more anxious over the past two weeks about my fight. Psychology is so interesting. You can know things in your brain but your body reacts a different way despite that.

I wake up at 2 AM, thinking about my fight. Wake up at 2:30 thinking about my fight. Then 3:45.
I have been telling myself that this “title” really is just a title, and a fight is a fight, so I only really care more about the fight than the title. I’ve had a few traumatic experiences where I hadn’t done enough stamina training and my arms and legs felt like heavy lead, so I know that this absolutely can’t happen this time. Since I’ve been at Syndicate, this has never happened, though. Only in Japan and on the Ultimate Fighter.

I’ve been doing my homework, i.e. running stairs and doing burpie sets throughout the week. So before I started my circuit sessions these past two weeks, I was thinking, “I BETTER be able to get through this no problem!” And that thought lead to, “If not, that means my favorite method of cardio isn’t good enough!” And that thought lead to, “I’ll be behind and not able to get in good enough shape.” So there were three worries right there.

But the sessions went very well and proved that everything is fine. Same thing on Wednesday when John and Jess shark-tanked me. I felt anxious before that and awesome and confident afterwards.
john jess roxy shark tank
http://www.maverickunbranded.com/
I realized that I’ve been imagining training days as how it’s going to come out in the fight, which is not necessarily good. “I better be able to land this punch or else…” “It’ll suck if I can’t last the whole class because blah blah hurts….” If I got taken down by a teammate and try a technique and it failed, I got stressed out. Tuesday, one of my nagging injuries that comes and goes was really bugging me, and I was feeling nervous about being able to perform the techniques I’d been practicing in my private lessons. Usually I just “want” to land the techniques. I don’t worry about “oh what if I can’t.” Two worries. But I did it and it was all fine. I powered through it practice without gassing out and it was alright.

Yep, negative thoughts. I hadn’t even realized I was thinking negative thoughts. I’m usually pretty good about siphoning them out. That’s why they call me The Happy Warrior. With the help of my coach and Mom and friends, sometimes.

Testing myself with the hard rounds this week pretty much confronted and eliminated those anxieties.

I used to drive to training thinking merry thoughts like, “Oh boy, I wonder how many combinations I’ll be able to land today. I can’t wait to try and foil Shawn’s takedowns. I can’t wait to try and escape from Hannah’s guard. I can’t wait to try and take down Jessica off the cage. I’ll see if I can avoid Adam’s lightning combos.”

My mom texted me the following:

“Well, being anxious/stressing out/worrying seems to be fear in disguise. You are not a fearful person. You are not driven by fear. Somehow you have to internalize your confidence in yourself to combat the fear. Know in your heart and soul that you are performing to the best of your ability. You need to search out that thought that is making you anxious and confront that fear.”

That reminds me of what Coach John tells me before fights – you know in your heart that you did your best to prepare to the best of your ability. Have confidence in the techniques.

I am genuinely excited to go to Syndicate every single day. Every day holds new challenges and potential for growth. Potential for pain, too, but I don’t think about that. So yesterday I just let the whole fight thing go and went to the gym to train and get better and try my techniques. I love doing MMA – that’s the bottom line. When the fight day arrives, I will apply those techniques to my opponent. No use stressing out over landing or not landing a take-down at the moment. Just try it, learn from it, get better from it. I’m in great shape already. I already proved that I have the stamina and skills and now I just have to wait for fight day! I have great tools in my tool box. And there will be more by the time the fight rolls around. I have a great, strong, skilled opponent waiting for me. And a strong, caring, supportive team behind me.
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shawn and adam and roxy
I have loving friends and fans around me. Dude, you’ve gotta be a die-hard fan or best friend to dress up like this, right?!
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I’m tempted to say, “I can’t possibly lose!” but of course I can lose. That’s why it’s a fight, and I’m so ready.

I walked into the gym excited to try my techniques and it was a really amazing practice with no stress or fear. Chapter 7, “Be Excited about Everything.” Bam!!! Read my book, sold here:

http://roxannemodafferi.net/RSite/node/8

Haha Coach John had once told me, “Go read your own book” one day when I looked down. He’s right. He’s always usually right. 😉
I just did a radio interview and one of the guys said, “You never have a bad day!” Hah not true. But I know how I think and I can manipulate my own emotions with my thoughts. Lol read my book…..

Big goals or tasks are always overwhelming. You always have to break them down into little small short-term, easily achievable goals. Finish this scramble. Then finish this round. Then get a new partner and finish the first minute. Then finish the round. Before you know it, you got through a tough training sessions. Don’t think ahead. Things never happen as you imagine they will.
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Same for other things in life.