Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

Changing up my training! Let’s do this! busy week!

Posted in fight, friends, fun, training on October 21st, 2016 by roxyfighter

For some reason, when I plug my iphone 5 into my computer, the computer won’t show it as being plugged in and I can’t transfer my photos. This has been happening ever since the latest phone update (which I never want to do anywany but it forces me.) Does anyone know why? Can someone help me?

This week has been a really hard week training, but hard in a good way.

This is my first week back to MMA because my nose isn’t swollen anymore. This week, I’ve been consistently doing double classes – first BJJ 10:00 AM to 11:30, then and then MMA 11:30-1:15-ish. So actually, I really only have the physical strength and energy to do one hard class well, especially with all the various nagging injuries I have, so in the past, so I deprioritized jiu-jitsu and only did MMA. After all, I won’t be fighting in the gi, right?

I realize now that jiu-jitsu gave me a kind of physical strength due to all the pulling, pushing, holding tense positions, etc. I had decided to focus on BJJ after I was done my MMA career, but after my last fight, I changed my mind and decided to work on it NOW. NOW NOW NOW. That tournament I fought in last weekend and lost both matches upset me so much. So much. SO MUCH. To be fair, it was my first gi competition in 11 years and it feels So different than MMA. I’m glad that I’m friends with the person who beat me. But I’d still love a rematch.

I’m so frustrated about everything – losing my MMA fight, not feeling like I have enough physical strength, losing a BJJ competition even though I’m supposed to be the “BJJ girl.” Actually, I wasn’t as torn up about the MMA fight as I was the BJJ competition!

One of my friends said, “I’m sad to see you so upset” and another one said, “This might seem f*cked up but I’m glad to see you are upset because it shows how seriously you take it.”

Well, yes, indeed. I know I’m not going downhill- I’m improving all the time. I keep having successes in training. But I just happened to lose lately. I’ve decided to change up my training a bit, and I’m at the perfect place to do it: Syndicate MMA. I have everything I need here. Not only Coach John, who can teach me striking, wrestling, grappling, MMA, etc, but Capitao who is probably my second most favorite coach in the world when it comes to explaining things in a way I can understand. And Casey. I also have teammates who are very knowledgeable about strength and conditioning.

I’ve been doing weight lifting every other day for the past three weeks. I’ve also started taking little 30 minute jiujitsu private lessons with Casey for jiu-jitsu. I really understand well when he explains things. I need slow paced, step-by-step, every excruciating detail. I’m a tough student. My teachers probably just wanna choke me sometimes….

I’ve decided that I’m going to do extra strength training, and BJJ training, plus MMA training, and if my body breaks down at the end of MMA class, I’ll just have to stop, which is mentally tortuous because everyone else is still going and I feel like a wuss. Like the other day, my back was hurting so much I couldn’t walk and John told me to spar with Jessica and I said “no” and felt like a pile of @#*$&#*($. But so be it, because it seems like this is what it takes. The last few classes I couldn’t do the last sparring round because my body felt broken. I just have to steel myself for it.

This seems like the normal training routine for a pro fighter, but I don’t recover as fast as I did when I was 20.

The other day, my masseuse Teri asked me if I was lifting weights because I had more definition in my arms. I was like….

I’m so happy Captain is the jiujitsu teacher. I can really get behind him and trust him. He came up the same way I did….Judo, BJJ, MMA. So his attitude is very Japanese. We bow into class Japanese style, he uses the technique names in Japanese, and teaches us Judo throws. I’ve always wanted to review my Judo, and he makes an effort to go out of his way to teach me. He spent his free time on Saturday to come corner me, Brandon, and Enzo, at the BJJ tournament. Yesterday when I was getting frustrated, he put his hand on my head and said, “No emotions!” Just like the Jedi code I believe in. lol
master-yoda He said, “We don’t need emotion. Like samurai! Win or lose. I don’t run and jump on cage like RAAAAAAHHHH! Be like Samurai!” That’s exactly what my Japanese friend told me. I love it.

I’ve been teaching a lot lately, not only my little kids BJJ class, but helping Rick with the big kids class. I really love coaching the big kids class. I don’t have to worry as much about discipline and can just teach them the moves.

I promoted my first student! Congrats, Preston! I’m so so SO proud of you!!!
I’m really really strict with my promotions, too. I don’t promote on time, but ability…

Even though I got hurt (emotionally) these past weeks, my mind knows what to do, and I know who to trust, so I just smile, make a plan and proceed! That’s what I’ve always done. I still wake up everyday excited for training. And tostadas.

Finally, anime. I’ve been looking forward to this new anime called “Drifters” which is done by Kouta Hirano, the same guy who did Hellsing.
The art is really cool, and it’s creepy how the characters smile demonically as they’re fighting, as if they enjoy bloodbaths. It’s actually like a twisted, guilty pleasure to watch…. the voice actor for the main character is Yuichi Nakamura and I’m a HUGE fan of his. *_*
And….after I watched the only two eps out twice in a row (is that weird?) I got the urge to watch Hellsing again, even though the level of blood and guts exceeds the Roxy Tolerance level.
My psyche hurts watching, but I can’t look away….and I have a crush on Alucardo’s voice, Jouji Nakata’s… *_*

appreciation, fans, life

Posted in amusing, every day on October 13th, 2016 by roxyfighter

I’m reading this book called “Who says you can’t? You do.” Coach John told me to buy it, and said “It’s sh*t I say but more in depth.” or something. I dunno about that, but I like it. I share a lot of the same positive, constructive thinking processes that the book suggests anyway, which is a pretty cool think to realize, but I’m not very far along. It did make me think hard about being compassionate and sparked an interesting convo with Serena.

Anyway, the book suggests that you make a list of things you’re grateful for, saying that we humans are so focused on what we want, we forget to appreciate what positive things we have here and now, and we should make a list for us to read when we feel negative. That’s a technique I already use when I’m feeling bummed or upset for whatever reason anyway, even trying to motivate myself to train if I’m hurt.

I could go on forever. The first thing I’m grateful for is always that I’m alive. Next, that I can walk. I’ve been hurt so that I couldn’t walk in the past, and it’s the worst thing ever. Some people don’t have legs and will never walk, or have sciatica and spine problems and every step is agony. So I’m grateful I can walk. I always think this almost every day. That I have my senses. That I have friends. My parents are alive and are really great parents! My grandparents are dead, but I’m glad I got to meet them. That I have fans who love me and support me… I could go on for a long time because I’ve thought about all this before…

….but branching off on that last one, I was invited to dinner by two fans of mine! I met them while walking past the Keno lounge in the Orleans Casino, where I go two times a week to run stairs! They’re lovely people, and this time I got to meet their son and we had such a nice time. They told me how they got a bunch of people together and were crowded around an iPad to watch my fight. I’m really touched to hear that!

Actually, I’ve gotten two interview requests lately. That’s unusual. I’ve only ever gotten pre-fight interview requests before, never ones after my fight, especially after losing! Why do they wanna talk to me? But it reminds me of the loving feeling I felt while leaving the cage after losing in the UFC TUF 19 finale….I was so crushed at my loss, but as I walked down the pathway to exit the arena, I felt that the people around me were screaming my name and cheering just as much as when I had entered. Thank you.

I have my own goals in life. Win a title. Beat Barb Honchack. Actually make a profit with my fight money. lol Not depend on government assistance for health insurance. Live by myself. Build a big kids jiujitsu team at Syndicate as big as when Alberto was here!

I’m so grateful I can teach kids and that they like me and my class! I don’t have kids of my own (yet?), and I want to help raise our next generation to be good people!

I’m grateful I have amazing coaches who care about me as a person and also making me successful.


I wanna get stronger. Get more fluent in Japanese to do translating jobs.

These things haven’t happened yet but I’m still really grateful for what I have and I think about them a lot. Every time I put on a pair of socks I feel loved, since like 75% of my socks are gifts. 😀

Reminding myself of these positive things constantly enhances my every day life while not putting me into a state of complacency where I wouldn’t want to try and work for more things. You don’t want to be “totally satisfied” in life, but you want to feel good about what you have while you strive for more!

And this is a really pretty song and makes me feel so excited about life!

recovery, jiu-jitsu vacation! :D and tourney

Posted in fight, training on October 9th, 2016 by roxyfighter

The week after my fight was rough, partly because I lost the fight, however I wasn’t feeling as low as I could because I’m proud of my performance. Friday – Sunday I had my eye injury and birthday parties to distract me. Monday and Tuesday I felt like I was getting sick so I just wanted to lay down. But then through Wednesday I was like, man, I really want to get back to training…. every day I’m not training is wasted, I feel.

From Tuesday, I started teaching my kids class, and nearly cried when a kid grabbed my swollen ankle. Friday I ended up helping Rick teach the older kid’s class. It just so happened that his normal coaching assistant Chris couldn’t make it for a week, so I ended up covering classes in his place. I made back the money I didn’t make because I was away from my fight! YAY MONEY!!!!!!!!!! off topic-sort of on-topic my health insurance premium just went up for no reason. *cry* I keep having this foreboding that the government is suddenly going to decide to make me back-pay all the assistance I’m getting and then I’ll owe $250 a month instead of what I’m paying now which is $55. *worry worry*

And that Friday and onward, I started rolling lightly with people while wearing the awesome grappling shin guards that Dragon Do sent me. I first got them in the package and thought, “Pfffft, there’s no way I’d wear these!” and then ended up wearing them every day. lol They are not super bulky and fit under my gi pants! Dude, Jennifer kicked me only like twice, but my shins were bruised up and down and so tender. I guess because I kicked her! ug.

So that week happened and then the second week after my fight (oct 3rd-7th) I pretty much did the adult jiu-jitsu class in the morning and two kids jiu-jitsu classes at night.

So much happiness!!

I adore jiu-jitsu. I really really want to get better at it.

And I can’t do striking because my nose is still swollen from my fight. (it keeps getting bonked and hurt a little bit in grappling but not too much) But I make sure I do lots of striking since it’s my weak point but now I can skip it and not feel guilty. Through focusing only on jiu-jitsu now, I realized how many things I’ve forgotten or abandoned because it didn’t fit in my MMA game. The very way you MOVE is different in MMA than jiu-jitsu. You absolutely should not be on the bottom in MMA. Even black belts get stuck in bottom guard and pounded out and lose in MMA fights. But for jiu-jitsu, the majority of submissions come from there. And gi…I love gi, but I have absolutely no idea where I stand in the rankings now.

I’ve been a purple belt for 11 years, but for 8 of those years when I was in Japan, I didn’t even put it on. I’ve been doing jiu-jitsu for 15 years now, and other people younger than me are getting their black belts. 🙁 I don’t just want to JUST get the belt, you know. I want the skill. if I become a black belt, I want to be able to answer ANY question. Like, Captain or Vinny or Pyle or any of the other black belts I ask a question to always have a great answer. But if someone’s like, “Roxy, how do I do Z guard?” or “what’s the best foot placement for a heel hook?” I wouldn’t know. I can do a text book heel hook but I’ve never gotten it in rolling because I haven’t really done it in ages.

I’ve been telling myself that I’d do a jiujitsu tournament after my fight. One is coming up October 15th and at first I was hesitant about doing it because my body hasn’t recovered. But my ankle isn’t swollen anymore. I’m not waking up in the middle of the night with my legs aching anymore. My face is healed. It’s just my shin bruises but I’ll suck it up. aaaand now I have to lose like 3 pounds this week. and I had ice cream yesterday. bah.

I’ve been so happy and thrilled going to Captain’s class every day.
It was destiny that I found John Wood as my MMA coach, but I was still searching for a Brazilian jiu-jitsu coach I could apprentice myself under wholeheartedly. My learning style makes it tough for me to really click with coaches…but Captain explains everything SUPER slowly, step by step, like ten times. I think I’ve become Captain’s biggest fan. *_*

I’ve also been lifting weights every other day since Saturday the 1st, and trying to do 50 push ups a day. I’m always so frustrated with strength training. I have a hard time putting on muscle and building strength. While I have recorded slight increases on paper, it takes forever, even with me making a big effort! And how much is that really translating in my fights?! Makes me want to give up and just do things I know will have more of an effect, but focus on BJJ class training or mittwork.

I really want to give up. Not because I’m a quitter, but it’s insanity to keep doing the same thing if it’s not working!! Right? When you think about it that way, it makes sense.


But John said work harder at it, and I do what he says. But I want to do what HE says, not what some physical trainer says. I’ve met so many physical trainers who assure me I’ll become able to do stuff I can’t, and when I try to do it, I hurt myself. So of course I’m not gonna wanna listen to them. When I’m planning out in my head how to go about this, my thoughts keep going in a circle without coming to a good resolution. GRRR. Jessy is going to share some strength training methods with me. Make a plan. Get John’s approval. Then DO IT. So if it still doesn’t make a difference, at least I can say I followed directions… and John is usually right…. so this time it should work. If he can make my striking work, a strength training plan he approves should work, right?

So yeah. I’m excited about this BJJ tournament Saturday! yay for another week of not getting punched and BJJ focus! I really wanna see how I match up with other purple belts!! So much! I’m afraid that I have high expectations of myself, despite trying to mentally lower them. This is my first tournament as a purple belt, and first tourney in 13 years!! It means a lot to me….

the week after my fight

Posted in every day on September 30th, 2016 by roxyfighter

So I’ve been partially successful at making myself rest for a week. I can’t believe it’s Friday already. I started feeling sick on Sunday and Monday, but I think avoided coming down with something by just laying down and watching anime until I got sleepy, and then napped. For me, “taking time off from training” means not doing kickboxing. I always want to do grappling…it’s what makes me happy. 🙁 First I had to let my injured eye heal, which it did by Monday. Now my shins and calves and ankle is swollen and hurt, so I’m HOPING to be back next week, but that’s optimistic. I’m glad I’m not more hurt. I’m just impatient. Every day I’m not working to improve myself is wasted, I feel. And if I don’t exercise off all that ice cream, I’ll get fat! 🙁 I’m so jealous watching everybody else train….

I lifted weights with my upper body yesterday and I’m a little sore today. Yay!

Well, at least I got back to teaching kids! I wore make-up for a few days so I wouldn’t scare them. Many of the kids had seen my fight and told me “Good fight” and gave me hugs. Then one kid was like, “You got beat up!” and another kid joined in, “Yeah, you got beat up!” I wanted to retort, “DID NOT!” dang, kids! ;_; So mean! haha Whatever, they’re not entirely wrong….if you just look at my face….

But even though I felt I lost, I think it was a really close fight. And just barely losing to the number 1 ranked fighter in the world? Not too bad. I think it was the best striking performance of my career.

For some reason that escapes me, while I was showing a technique to my group of kids, one kid randomly grabbed my foot and squeezed. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! Did he KNOW it was hurting? gah whyyyy

So I’m gonna see if I can do the big kid’s class and roll lightly with them with the help of my DRAGON DO SOFT SHIN GUARD! Hopefully it’ll fit under my gi pants.

I’ve gotten a lot of random chores done that I’ve been procrastinating. And it’s time to start studying Japanese again.

I want to visit my family in New England, but I don’t want to spend the money and also don’t want to leave my kids class again for an extended period. :/ *sigh*

So I’ve been watching Fairy Tail. I’ve been kind of on the fence about this anime, but I’m really getting attached to Gray and Natsu.
I love how Natsu is rash and a hot-head but SMART. So many of the main heroes are good people at heart but so dumb and their sidekicks are always having to look after them.

I also saw the first ep of season 2 of Lucifer. I like that series a lot!!
I also watched Waterworld for the first time per John’s recommendation. Then The Huntsman!
It was good….not the best movie in the world but I just wanted to watch Chris Hemsworth for two hours. XD

It seems like the Naruto anime creators have stopped fillers and are finally finishing the final battle. I had gotten so mad earlier this year that they stopped at the CLIMAX OF THE FINAL BATTLE to start a filler arc. I mean wtf. At least wait for the battle to end before starting the filler. There was no reason for that, since the manga had already been completed, so it’s not like they had to wait for the author to finish the series! grrr! So I already know what happens, but enough time has passed for my brain to forget some of the details. Right now I’m on ep 456, Itachi’s story. Man, that guy has had a hard life.

My Invicta 19 blog

Posted in Uncategorized on September 25th, 2016 by roxyfighter

Well, I had an exciting week at Invicta FC 19. I arrived on Tuesday, coach John on Wednesday, and we successfully dressed up as She-ra and He-man for the photo shoot. I made a big effort to find the costumes, and swords. Then found I didn’t have adequate support for “the girls,” and the front fell. Jessy found lingerie tape for me, which I didn’t know existed, so I could tape the top to my chest so anyone taller than me wouldn’t have a view. I’m just mentioning it cuz it took effort! lol And the wig…I tried on like 6 wigs at the costume store, texting pics to Jessy and John. There was a golden one I liked, too, but those two thought the blond one was best.
And I had wanted to find just a He-man rashguard or something for John since he is built like He-man anyway and doesn’t need fake muscles, but then I wouldn’t know how to make a furry loincloth. lol
Money was spent but well worth it.

Cutting weight was not fun but as easy as I could have made it because I dieted well, salt-cut well, and waterloaded well. Thursday morning I climbed out of the tub, craweled downstairs at 10:30 AM, weigh-ed in in front of the commission, and then got to rehydrate and eat. It’s “early weigh-ins,” a new thing the commissions are doing. Then later that day at 7 PM, we did the staged one.
I always take some sportsfood strips after weigh-ins. They have sodium and electrolytes.
Sportsfood sponsored me a bunch of fights ago and I tried them because of that, but found that I REALLY like and support the product more than I expected. So shoutout to sportsfood! Thank you!
My friends from out of town started showing up!

I didn’t take as many pictures as I usually do, I think.
Then the public weigh-in and Faceoff!

I like Jennifer a lot. I sense she’s a good martial artist. When I looked into her eyes, I sensed only excitement and readiness to fight me.
I hung out with Jessy Jess and John and Tom on fight day. Got my hair done. Went to Cheesecake factory. lol a lot. Walked around the Plaza shopping area.
Then it was fight-time.

I’d never felt so good physically with zero injuries. I’d never been in such good cardio condition. I’ve never had so many tools in my toolbox. I was so ready.

I didn’t really feel any emotions. I just walked out there ready to fight.
It was a great fight. (Images owned by Invicta)




I wasn’t able to corner her against the cage as much I had hoped. I wanted to get a take-down that way. She actually tried to do that to me, and I had to hustle to regain the center of the cage. Once I was half turned from ducking out and kind of jogged away and thought, “Crap, I wonder if ppl will see this like Conor turned his back to Nate Diaz and got flack for it online” LOL BUT I DIDN’T MEAN TO, honest.
I am very proud of myself for being able to land a lot of combos that I’d been practicing. However, it was as if she ate them and was like, *Terminator voice* “Your attacks are stupid,” and pushed forward. Then when she hit me, I was jolted backwards. x_x That was pretty discouraging. Her face wasn’t bruised or anything and my face is all f*cked up. John said he thinks I won the fight, but if you look at my face, you wouldn’t think so. :/ I just wasn’t strong enough.

I feel proud I was able to do the techniques, like the Roxycoper! but also really sad they didn’t fell my opponent. Before the fight I was constantly stressing to interviewers that the belt really didn’t mean as much as the win, and while that’s true….I had really wanted to bring the belt home to Syndicate. I was rehearsing in my head, that when Shannon wrapped the belt around my waist, I would hold it up with John and Tom on either side and say, “This is Syndicate’s belt!” I had wanted to show my kids and let them touch it. I wanted to be John’s champion…

That didn’t happen. It feels good to know that I can hang with and almost win against the fighter ranked number 1 in my division. But still. Half the money, half the glory. Well at least nobody asked me if I’m going to retire anytime soon! YAY!! That question is so annoying. People just quit asking me and just wished me a happy birthday. Good.

I’m so grateful to Invicta for giving me this opportunity to fight in their awesome organization, and fight Jennifer! They always treat me well! Thank you Shannon, Julie, Angie, Kaitlin, and the crew!
My friends didn’t give me a chance to get sad and took me out to dinner and I ate cheesecake for an appetizer at…the CHEESECAKE FACTORY. We went there so often . lol

So many friends came out from all over the States. Even Eric holden, my favorite stalker (he’s not really a stalker, though) joined us! I didn’t want any pictures after my fight because of my face, and then Steve said, “Own that shit!” and I cried on his shoulder because he was right, I should be proud to be a fighter, but actaually I failed to hurt my opponent. I rarely hurt my opponent. I’m not a fsking striker and it’s so frustrating. Jiu-jitsu is the art that allows you to use leverage and not strength to defeat your opponent, and I couldn’t quite “jiu-jitsu her.” I’m also not vain like “oh my beautiful face.” It’s like, “You didn’t block that. You suck.” every time I look in the mirror.

I’m glad my mom isn’t here to see this.

I love you all.

I turned 34 on September 24th, the day after the fight. Despite going to bed at 3 AM, Candy woke up and drove me and Jessy to the Urgent care at 8:30 AM because I have a bruised cornea. Thank you!

That’s like partial tear on the surface of the eye…it heals within a week, but the pain is excruciating. Every time you blink it’s like needles, and if you cry, the salt gets in… Because of that, I only iced my left eye so my right eye ended up swelling shut. Which was almost a blessing in disguise because I didn’t have to use facial muscles to hold it closed or get an eyepatch. I just looked super f*cked up so Jessy lent me her sunglasses. I don’t want people to look at me and be sad…

I kept bumping into people on my right side while walking, only looking through my very nearsighted left eye…and I thought to myself…dang, I’m glad I have an eye! Imagine trying to function in this world completely blind?! I have friends who got their orbitals broken, who see lines permanently in their vision, and that poor guy who went blind cuz Faber poked him in the eye? I’m so lucky I got off with a messed up face, bruised cornea, and swollen ankle.

Then when we finally got home, Jessica, Cindy, and Hannah burst into song!! A surprise party! 😀 aaaah Taco bell and ice cream cake! I’m so touched!!
I felt really loved.

Today, Sunday, through freezing my face, I managed to bring down the swelling a bit so I could open my right eye. I rewatched my fight…. :/
Then went over Cindy’s and had Hannah’s and her joint birthday party. It was nice. Now I’m back and looking at pictures of my fight.

My skull hurts a lot from bruises. x-x I can’t wait to heal up so I can get back to training. I want to do more gi BJJ and find out what physical training coach John has in store for me.

You never know in the MMA world. Things are crazy. Things never happen fairly or the way you’d guess. Things can change in fighters’ lives overnight with fight offers and opportunities. We all have to be ready mentally and physically at all time.

I did a pretty good job of being positive and uplifting in post fight interviews. Now I feel like sh*t and just want my cornea to heal so my vision stops being blurry so I can watch anime instead of laying on the sofa like a loser with ice packs covering my head…. I hope I can drive tomorrow.