Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

Brittany’s visit to Vegas! (food, UFC, training)

Posted in friends, fun, training on May 25th, 2015 by roxyfighter

My friend Brittany came and visited from last Tuesday to yesterday, Sunday! We had a great time but I’m really tired and sleep deprived now, hahaha! She got even less sleep. 😛

I took her to my favorite restaurant SkinnyFats twice and we actually got the same thing both times. lol

buri at skinnyfats 1

I gained two pounds and it’s all Brittany’s fault. XAD
We that night, we went to the Ale House at one point and we got the Super Mega Mountain of Chicken Nachos! I thought that was all we were going to get, but then she got this appetizer plate, and while I was in the bathroom ordered TWO ice cream cakes! She couldn’t eat everything and I couldn’t just stare at the cakes and watch them melt.

omg I thought I was gonna throw up after that. haha Lord. x_x I love/hate you, Bri!!

mountain of nachoes

eating cake with brittany

On Thursday, I had wanted to do MMA class but everything was wrong with my body. lol Nagging injuries, I felt sick (from the above), girl stuff, and sleep deprived. My body was like “eat vegetables, shut up and don’t move.” LOL I ate breakfast and went back to bed. x_x Ended up relaxing for part of the day, going shopping at the NIKE store with Brittany and eating the best freaking potroast in my entire life at the famous Black Bear Diner.

and feeling like a stuffed turkey afterwards. Again. I blame Brittany. XD (love you!)
black bear diner menuespotroast with bri and i
I could have gotten the smaller size, but my mom ended up enjoying the left overs.

Friday we both did MMA!
I didn’t realize it at the time but I totally monopolized Brittany and she didn’t even get to train with the other girls. oops sorry.

brittany and tom and roxy at syndiate
Big Coach John wasn’t there. :/ Helping Mike Pyle cut weight for his UFC fight, but Tom was. We enjoyed his class.
syndicate group pic with brittanygirl training at syndicate brittany
I love Tom’s wall drills at the end.

We went to the UFC on Saturday!
brittany at ufc doors

Bri said I was a walking billboard for Syndicate. lol
brittany at ufc nike

Such awesome fights! We missed Uriah Hall’s and Stun Gun’s cuz we were getting food. ;_; And the girlfight didn’t happen! I’m so bummed…I wanted to see Rose fight. ;_;

Mike Pyle lost decision from getting stuck in guard and not being able to do anything. OMFG like Deja Vous of my last fight! The top guy wasn’t doing any damage but he was being defensive and holding and staying in the top position. Grrrr wtf are we supposed to do then. The ref wasn’t standing them up because the top guy was being JUST active enough. I wanted to throw up and cry at the same time. So pissed off. ~_~; Mike is so slick and almost got two subs. gah

Sitting near us was Eddie “Truck” Gordon from season 19, and….another guy who looked so familiar but I couldn’t place his name. Brittany didn’t know. I hate to bother people for pics, but fans were getting pics, so while they were still standing up, I jumped up and said, “Hey, can I get a pic too?” Eddie was like, “Hey Roxy!” I thought, “Oh damn have we met before? Or does he know me from TUF?”
al iaquinta and truck gordon
Oh, celebrity problems. I shook their hands. “Haha an Ultimate Fighter picture!” he said. lol and I sat down. A clue! omg so familiar. I suck with names. I tweeted the pic “I met two guys from the Ultimate Fighter, can you name them?” Surreptitiously trying to ask the Twitterverse. BUT NOBODY GOT HIM RIGHT. Someone was like “Tim Gorman,” but he was on my season and he didn’t look like him. I forget how I eventually found out, but it was Al Iaquinta. XD Ah, him! I saw him on Ariel Helwani’s MMA hour when he justified cussing out a fan for boo-ing. haha Super nice guy. *_* Now his face (and the spelling of his name) is forever ingrained in my memory because I was starring at his picture for so long trying to recognize him. hahaha hehasaniceface but anyway….

After the fights, we got invited to an after party but neither of us had clothes that they’d let us in a club. Note to self: freaking dress up for UFC events so we can go to after parties. It was midnight and I wanted to pass out because it was past my bedtime of 10:00 PM but took Brittany to Walmart, where in 30 mins and $30 she made an outfit. It looked FANTASTIC. She is an amazing lady, my Brittany. XD
bri walmart
I actually didn’t join her and got scolded by Sean by leaving my friend alone in Vegas while she tried to find the club… ;_; Now I feel bad. anyway….

She left on Sunday and I’m sad. ;_;

It was awesome to have one of my best friends here to talk about serious stuff with. Life is funny. Sometimes you gotta get crazy, and sometimes you gotta tone it down.

Fantastic training, Baby shower, Blue Exorcist, crazy team pic, trip Northwest, Herbal Papaya

Posted in amusing, every day, friends, fun, training on May 15th, 2015 by roxyfighter

It’s been a fantastic week so far! Awesome awesome training. I’m back to training in full force. I learned new combos that I’m hitting in practice already. yay! I hated being out for three weeks. :( I felt like crap mentally and physically so I procrastinated on writing my book…I could have finished it by now, but I felt like such crap. I did take major steps with it, though, which is better than nothing, so I AM almost finished! 😀

And Hannah is back! I love love love training with her. XD and she’s my friend. I love being able to see my friends every day.

I finished reading the Attack on Titan manga, what’s released, and moved on to Blue Exorcist. I really like it!
blue exorcist pic
This boy finds out in episode 1 that he’s the son of the devil and has powers….but his human father is an Exorcist…and adventure ensues.
You can watch it here legally for free.

Janna and John had a baby shower and I was invited. It was so nice and wonderful. XD Babies!!
roxy and tony in glasses

roxy janna babyshower
cool group at baby shower
I kind of want one myself some day. I think I have good genes to pass on, but I have neither the time nor significant other at the moment… and I’m 32 years old. :X Oh well, I’ll just enjoy taking care of other people’s kids for now.

Speaking of other people’s kids, I resumed my private lessons with Preston! The other day he said, “It’s my birthday! I’m older than you! I’m eight!”
roxy and cute student preston and trebla gi
(click to enlarge)
LMAO I laughed so hard I was rolling around on the ground. He has no concept of age. hahaha HE’S SO CUTE I can barely stand it. XD Except when I tell him to get side control or mount on me, he jumps REALLY hard on my chest/face/stomach and I have to block, or I’ll get a heel in the eye. x_x Just because I’m a giant doesn’t mean he can abuse meeeee. <3 I tell ya, kids have no concept of things. 😀

I'm really enjoying my Herbal Papaya products, especially this ground up seed powder. I like putting it on my eggs and salad. It has an appealing nutty-peppery taste and it supposed to be good for digestion.
herbal papaya powder pic
This bag is lasting forever. I used it like every other day and I’ve had it for maybe more than two months and there’s still a third left. So you get your money’s worth.

This happened yesterday. Don’t ask, I can’t tell. XD Coach John texted us to wear crazy stuff and bring weapons after practice. lol wut? The craziest thing I had was my Princess Leia costume. XD haha Hopefully more info coming soon. XD Let’s just say I love my team Syndicate so damn much.
team syndicate  crazy group

Don’t forget, for my fans in Portland and Washington, I’m doing two appearances. One seminar at Victory Athletics, and I’ll be at the event Glamour in Portland! Both May 30th
victory mma seminar

glamour info

Fighter problems: how to defeat the haunting voices

Posted in fight on May 11th, 2015 by roxyfighter

When you lose a fight, the voices come.

The night of the fight, many fighters don’t sleep. I know I can’t sleep. The voices are there. They are my thoughts, they are my coach’s, they are the announcer’s, they are the opponent’s after she won. “I need you to do ONE more take down!” “Okay I think you won the first round.” “Thank you, everyone. I trained so hard for this fight, it’s so satisfying for me….” “Why was I so stupid?”

Random phrases replaying over and over and over and over. They leave me no peace. That’s why I hate to be alone after my fight. They are so loud. If I’m with other people, they are drowned out by what my friends are saying.

But after dinner when they leave and I lay down….

Fighters who lose should try and spend as much time as possible with the team, friends, family members, etc. I think it heals their minds and hearts and fastest, and helps shut the voices up.

They are silent sometimes and then pop up suddenly. Like if I’m watching a fight and someone’s in guard or does a knee…..

“Why didn’t you try and stand up?” “Why did you knee her head?”

“Shut up,” I tell them. “Not now, I’m busy.”

I start hitting pads again and do a hard one two kick combo. “Good,” my coach says. I’m pleased with how my power has improved. “Why couldn’t that have knocked her out in the last fight? Did I even land it?” the voice screamed.

“The punch is fine,” I argued with it, trying to cram it back down to wherever it came from. I was trying to focus on training. One, two, windmill kick!


That is such a sweet move!

“Did you even TRY to throw that in the fight?” the voice asked.

So for me, three and a half weeks have passes since my fight. I hear the voices now and then, especially now that I’ve resumed training after healing up most of my injuries from the fight. I have to keep reminding myself that my techniques are solid. Especially in my last fight, I KNOW that I got so much better and used my skills really well. I just made a few tactical errors and lost on points.

“Just choose. It doesn’t matter which. Nobody can foretell the outcome.”
Erwin Smith in Attack on Titan, and Levi say this phrase a lot.
erwin smith
“I should have tried to stand up,” the voice said. But I was waiting for her to cock back an arm and try to punch, so I could try and triangle her. I tried for submissions. I MIGHT have submitted her! It just didn’t happen. So I can’t really fault myself for the choice because I couldn’t have known.


Usually, a big challenge for me, having lost, is to not doubt myself. I thought my stuff being sound, I didn’t win, so….

But! I remember once I was asking Coach John a question about my movement and techniques because a teammate was trying to correct my technique, saying I had openings here and here. I got really bothered and started doubting myself.

“Why are you listening to that teammate? Not even a pro or coach? Do you believe them over me?” John said.
“No, no!” I protested. “That’s not what I meant. I would never doubt you.”
“If you’re doubting yourself, you’re doubting me,” he said. “Because I would have told you if you’re doing it wrong.”

I’ll never forget his voice, and how he stared at me when he said it, and that phrase.

Every time the voice in my head said, “Is your punch really strong…?”

I can reply immediately, “Yes, it is. Because John said so.” And the voice goes silent.

john talking to roxy prefight2
(Invicta 8, prefight)

I am not set back by my loss. I don’t “have to go back to square one” or “go back to the drawing board.” I have built so much and we’re only continuing to build on what I can already do well.

happy roxy back to training2

Today John and also Tom, a new addition to our coaching staff, taught me some new stuff and I can’t wait to try it out. Every day is an exciting challenge of how much stronger I can get, how many more skills I can add to my tool box, and how much closer I can get to my goals.

I hope I fight again soon!

week after my fight (Tourney of Kings, bro, seminar, movies, Kalecia)

Posted in every day, family and holidays, fight, friends on May 4th, 2015 by roxyfighter

A little over a week has gone by after my fight and it feels like forever because I’m not on my usual training schedule. I have minor injuries from the fight, so I had to take a little more time off. Hopefully this week I can get back. :) I’ve been weight-lifting, and the only time I can weight-lift properly is if I can’t do MMA class. So might as well make use of that time.

btw Here is my post-fight interview. I wanted to make a statement but it wasn’t my place to join the press conference since I didn’t win. But Invicta graciously provided me a camera man and took my statements.

It’s really hard to not dwell on it, since I don’t have another job I can distract myself with. Emotional pain of a loss never really heals…you just have to bear it and cover it with hope and hard work and the next win. And try to be positive.

And I positively did try to eat a lot and hang out with as many people as I could! I’m also watching a crap-ton of anime. I rewatched Attack on Titan, Kenichii, and a few real people movies like The Avengers. (yes I saw the new movie! It was fantastic!)

I hung out with my teammate Kalecia at SkinnyFats one day, and went out for sushi with her another.
kalecia and sushi

My friends sent me flowers!! <3 So sweet.
flowers from rob and friends

My friend from Ryan came to Vegas to visit, and we got to hang out! I’ve known him for like…over ten years, but we’ve only met once before since he lives in Canada. 😀
ryan and roxy and armor
We went to the show called “Tournament of Kings,” where we eat a hen and potatoes with our bare hands and watch knights jousting. I thought the guy who played “King of France” was kind of hot… *_*
knights from tournament
Before that, we played games and he bought me ice cream. *_* So sweet. The man and the ice cream. He introduced me to the Dairy Queen “Peanut Buster parfait” or something and omggggg so yummy.
tok ryan packman airhockey

The Tournament of Kings was Friday. On Saturday, I went over Coach John’s house with teammates and we watched the boxing Mayweather vs Pacquiao. Fun!
Sunday I saw the Avengers.

Today, my step-brother (blue shirt) and his friends came to town for a bit of vacation and we met up! I was really really looking forward to it, and it was awesome! I showed them Syndicate and we went to SkinnyFats 😀 So good to see Chris again!! <3 It was kind of bizarre not being in Boston when together. Haha It's my neck of the woods now!
chris and friends in vegas

I’m planning a trip to Washington State, Tacoma and Portland. I am going to do a seminar at Victory Athletics on May 30th, and then I’ll be at the Glamour event in Portland that night!
More info on their facebook page!
victory mma seminar

My Invicta 12 adventure

Posted in fight, friends on April 27th, 2015 by roxyfighter

I left Vegas and arrived in Kansas City on Tuesday afternoon. Another Vegas resident, fighter Raquel Pa’aluhi was on the same plane, so we got to chat a bit.

In the evening, I went grocery shopping with my TUF 18 buddy Peggy Morgan and her friends. We also stopped by sight-seeing spot Union Station. I wore my Naruto Ninja headband.
union station with peggy
On Wednesday, I was still by myself because coach John would arrive later. To pass the time, I worked out at the gym on the horrible squeaking eliptical machine and then went to Sea Land, an aquarium!
roxy at sea life
I learned lots about sea horses and I touched a Pencil sea Urchin! 😀 I also saw a guitar shark. I LOVE SHARKS, and guitar sharks are SO FREAKING COOL LOOKING!! 😀 😀 😀
guitar shark
I had been managing my weight and food quite well. This is important and takes experience and guidance. Since the previous Saturday, I had been waterloading. That means drink over a gallon and a half of water a day. Basically, if you don’t feel sick, drink water. If you’re not peeing every 30 minutes, you’re not drinking enough. Also reduce salt since Sunday, and cut all salt by Monday. That means no salad dressing, no deli meat, watch contents of protein bars and other packaged foods. Then Wednesday night was the night before weigh-ins, I skipped dinner and stopped drinking around 3:30-4. Just a sip once when my mouth was like a sock, but my body was so conditioned to peeing, that I just kept peeing all evening and night and woke up light in the morning. So on Wednesday morning I was 136ish pounds fully hydrated. Wednesday night I was 133 so I put on a sauna suit and jumped rope and did elliptical until I put 131-ish. Went to sleep. Floated a pound and woke up at 129.5 lbs. Ate a handful of nuts and one orange slice and slept in and read until 12, when I hopped in the salt bath. Sit and sweat for 25 minutes, out for 10minutes. weighted myself – I was 128 lbs. Get back in for another 30-ish minutes, out for ten. 127 lbs.

John helped me in and out (I have bra and shorts on, obviously) so I don’t slip and fall and injure myself like that dude in the UFC who had to cancel his fight? Plus, you are really dizzy and lightheaded during the process. #lobster
But some say it’s easier than sauna because your head isn’t cooking…
weight cutting dead

In for another 20ish, get back out 126.1. Nooooo 0.1 pound over! But wait, there’s more! I peed and reached 125.9 lbs. HAHA yes.

I went down to weigh-ins and saw Amanda Bell jogging around trying to sweat out a pound. Ug, I used to do that. Exhausted and dehydrated, exercising? No thanks. But then again, she had dinner the previous night. Hey, she made it.

So my opponent didn’t make weight. Wtf
I know she weighed more than me because I snooped and saw her various weights. What was she doing all day on Thursday that she came in at 4 PM 3 pounds over weight? :( Please. It’s hard for me to be mad at her because every time she saw me she smiled and waved. -_-;; I get some of her purse, but still. We have two main jobs – make weight, fight, and for bonus points, be extra entertaining to the fans, like social media interactions and interesting weigh-ins etc. which I don’t even think of as a job. I love fans. I did all of my jobs.

I dressed up like Naruto Kyuubi Mode!
It’s near the end of the series where Naruto powers up with Nine-tail’s chakara – his most powerful form! I think I looked fantastic. John, who doesn’t know the series, said I looked like some Bruce Lee in a yellow jump suit. lol
sherdog roxy weigh in 2 faceoff2
Food was good. We went to Bar Loui’s, and I got what I got last time – a pulled pork sandwich. 😀

Fight day, we hit mitts a bit to warm up, and then hung around all day waiting for 5:30 PM when we had to go over there. I always get a nervous stomach. It sucks so much. ~_~;;;

John wrapped my hands.
john wrapping my hands

roxy  john invicta 13 prefight cage2
I loved my locker room … Peggy, Amanda, Katja, Ediane – I know them and feel comfortable with them. WE ALL FREAKING LOST. wth ;_; Like, bad luck locker room.

I fought really hard. I thought it was really close. I didn’t think I got overwhelmed. In the first round, I think it was close but I might have eeked it out. The second round, she took me down and got on top in guard. She did zero damage from there and I worked for submissions, but you know, nowadays when you’re on the bottom, you’re losing in the eyes of the judges. She also rocked me once pretty hard striking, but I didn’t go down. I figured I lost the second round. In the third round, I wasn’t sure who won it. I think I controlled the pace and pressure and landed a lot, but she also landed more leg kicks and took me down once or twice?

When the fight ended, I didn’t feel like I’d lost, but I guessed the judges might give it to her by split or majority decision. I was surprised to lose unanimously. Geez…

I made some tactical errors. I should have tried to stand up from guard because it kind of wasted my time. But who knows?! I might have pulled off a submission! and I was able to rest a bit on the bottom. If I had opened my guard and tried to kick her away, she might have passed my guard. I shouldn’t have done a spinning back kick without setting it up – John always scolds me to set it up first.

I think John blames himself for some things, but no no no , I won’t have that. I will never blame my coach for something like that. *I* am the one in there making the final decision. They can yell all they want, but the fighter has to do it or not do it. I get mad when fighters blame their coaches.

(stole some collage pics from Katie Spoo)
collage 2 of roxy from katie

collage of roxy from katie spoo

The only reason I would have to blame my coach is if, weeks ago, I said, “hey, could you teach me and practice with me?” and he either says “no” or ” yes” but then never makes time. Or he doesn’t come to my fight when he could have easily. John always made time for me, flew to Kansas to corner me when he could have stayed home and cornered other team mates, gave me emotional support…. He’s the best.

I felt so awesome in there…my head was clear and I really felt like my ability improved since the last time! What a cool, satisfying feeling! Dude, I was checking leg kicks, and when I fought Andrea Lee in December, I didn’t know HOW to check kicks. I mean, I “knew” but had no reaction ability. Thanks to my training and Team Syndicate and John.

Vanessa fought really well and hard, and so did I. I accept this loss but I know that I have it within myself to beat her. I just couldn’t last Friday. And I’m sorry. But the support of the fans has been overwhelming and welcome. I’m so glad that my fans don’t turn on me when I lose. Thank you.

Here are some pics I took from

I hit her in the face a bunch, but my face is way more f*cked up than hers. That makes me angry. :(

Holy leg-muscles, Batman!


-_-; *sigh* I dieted down from my comfortable walk-around weight so I could make weight… I wonder if she did? Whatever. It’s hard to be mad because she was pretty nice to me whenever I ran into her. lol But I’ve never been embarrassed to go outside because of black eyes before. And in the past, my mom didn’t live with me so never had to look at me all banged up. I hate this. I don’t want my mom to look at me and I can tell she’s upset, so I’ve been hiding in my room. Whenever I look in the mirror, I get angry. I’m not sure where my Tussle shirt is “I’m not abused, I’m an MMA fighter.” so I’m wearing my Fightchix shirt that says “Fighter.” lol

With my fight money, I wanted to visit my dad in Boston, buy a massage chair, and buy a new iphone because mine sucks. :/ I’ll have to nix the last two and just go for the more immediate need of iPhone. *sigh* I got some nice sponsorship (mainly from fans) this time! Thanks, guys! You help me pay the bills! I want to fight on the July card but I don’t know if there’s space. :( I might have to wait until fall?

Please petition Invicta to let me fight in July in Vegas! haha

Once my ankle, knee, and face stop swelling, I can’t wait to get back to practice.

Oh, thanks to my friend and former training partner Steve and his bro and student for driving a ways to see me fight!
dinner after invicta group
And my fan/friend/sponsor Katie also came from quite a distance!

So my motto is “Smile anyway” and “Smile and carry on.”
Even if you are not happy, smile to acknowledge the positive things. The very least of which is: You are alive. Therefore, you have the chance to improve and grow.

roxy amanda smile anyway

Give yourself credit for the effort which brought you this far. Give yourself credit for your courage. Give yourself credit for your ability, even if it wasn’t enough.
katie spoo after fight
My sponsor: “The Void” is a Facebook group that was made to motivate and encourage people. Pls check it out, guys, and “like it” if you want.