Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

of men and women, love in animals

Posted in Uncategorized on June 30th, 2012 by roxyfighter

So I’m far from an expert on this topic. Maybe that’s why I’m pondering it.

How different sexes and genders are! I know there’s a debate about how ‘gender’ is different than ‘a person’s biological sex’ so I’m going to try and write about this carefully. It really seems like men are such different creatures from women. It frankly amazes me how we can live together and the population has continued. Ways of thinking are different, communication styles are different, so many things are different. And yet, we multiply. And for some reason, nature added this thing in us how “opposites attract.” I wonder if that’s nature’s way of ensuring a variation in the gene pool.

Then I thought, “How do people stay together?” and I thought, “That’s what love is for. It binds people together.” If you love someone, you try and overlook their differences, right? So then I thought, well, we are biological creatures, animals. So how does it work in the animal kingdom? Do other animals feel love? How long are male and female animal parents together?

Before that, I decided to look up the length of marriages. It seems like the average length of a marriage in the US is now 8 years. WHOA. Apparently the divorce rate exceeds 50%, and the rate of people who GET marriage in the first place is dropping. And in the UK the average length of a marriage is 37 yrs? I know these rates are effected by the social acceptability of divorce. In Japan, it’s not socially acceptable to get divorced, especially if you have kids. Forget about it.

Back to animals. Can animals feel love? Pet owners together, on the count of three…one…two…three, “What a dumb question!!” lol They must feel something. As a former dog owner, I can attest to that. But what about ROMANTIC love?

I’m looking on the interwebs and I’m realizing that animals tend to have shorter life-spans than humans, and that must effect statistics. Oh, I found a website of animals that mate for life (http://www.mnn.com mother nature network):
-gibbons (monkeys)
-swans
-black vultures
-French Angelfish
-wolves
-albatrosses
-prairie voles (rodents)
-turtle doves
-bald eagles

So I’m almost thinking that it’s biologically unnatural for animals (including people) to stay together for their entire lives. People grow and develop…and naturally grow apart in different directions. Is that really so bad? I mean, biologically, two beings of the opposite sex get together to produce offspring to ensure the survival of the species. Marriage seems like a social construction- a necessary one, I think, because people need some kind of commitment and rule to keep some kind of order in societies.

I just wonder… is there a better social system out there? That better matches human’s natural tendencies? Or was this social system introduced to repress our natural tendencies and keep people in check? Much like a damn too small for the river, but at least it holds some of it back?

[edit] From people’s comments so far, it seems like people think I’m questioning my gender. ^^; I’m not…I’m just wondering about the social system of marriage and what love is. That’s it…

my hope, boobs, tsukiyaki lunch, cute Korean girls

Posted in friends, fun, training on June 28th, 2012 by roxyfighter

Today I went to the pro sparring class at 9 AM, and sparred about three times with the pros.

I got there early beforehand and asked for Katsumura-san’s counsel. I got a lot off my chest. It was about how I hate striking and I want to give up on it, that I’ll ever get good. But I don’t want to quit MMA. And it seems like I used to win, but I’ve been surpassed and am only losing now. He thought, and then answered with technical technique issues I have, and told me that I can do very well if I fix these.

I don’t think I can fix them. I’ve been training for so long and I can’t fix them.
But on the other hand, everybody has their own way of teaching, and maybe the other things I’ve done just haven’t worked for me. I have to trust in Katsumura-san and BJ-san. That’s why I joined Ground Slam, in addition to not being able to make training times at the AACC. ;_; I miss them, but I adore Ground Slam. I have to trust that I’m where I belong now. He seemed to have all the answers! He told me what I needed to do and then said, “Go do it,” and “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to do all that.”

\(;o;)/ *heart eyes*

I tried to apply some stuff in sparring. Some worked, some didn’t. But he said I was on the right track. Then, Brittany, Hidaka-san, Murui-san and another guy showed up to the 10:30 class (I’m trying hard to remember their names). Katsumura-san taught us this take-down I really like and I’m looking forward to practicing it more! 😀

I realized something: boobs get in the way. YES. Like, when you’re trying to escape from side control, you’re supposed to slide your arm down your chest and in a swimming motion, get under the arm of the person on top…WELL BOTH OF OUR BOOBS got in the way. Right Brittany? -_- What a pain. We have to turn to our side more to make more space. Damnit! lol Well at least we don’t have to wear cups.

After training at noon, Katsumura-san, Omigawa-san, Brittany and I went out for lunch to this shabu shabu place in Yokohama. I shared a tsukiyaki nabe with Katsumura-san (well, we both ordered it so it’s custom to use the same pot). It was really tasty! XD I really enjoyed hanging out with them….

Anyway. I certainly enjoyed that. <3 Katsumura-san treated us ladies! He's too nice...I want to pay him back, so I'll do it by teaching him good English! >😀

Then I ate ice cream, went to work and did a kids demo. It was really fun! I think the kids had fun (they told their mom’s “Tanoshikatta!”) and the moms said they wanted to start in the fall, in September! 😀 Yay!

I had a snack/dinner, and went home. Watched lots of One Piece. I could make morning training tomorrow, but my body needs a day off.

^_^ shinjiru shika nai. I have no choice but to believe.

I just found this song and band…cool, huh! (you can skip the intro. Music starts at 1:40 mins in)

Am I a fighter or a martial artist?

Posted in every day, fight, training on June 27th, 2012 by roxyfighter

This morning, I woke up after 6 hours of sleep still sleepy, but excited to try and make it a better day than I’ve been having so far this week.

I taught Katsumura-san English for the first time. He has a lot of passive knowledge and his listening ability is good, so I think he’ll progress quickly. It’s an honor for me.

Then I had training. We started with striking. I expressed some difficulties I was having to him, and he told me this slight detail I was doing wrong, and we tried to fix it. It was so frustrating for me. Like, as if I say “their” and “there” have different pronunciations. You’re like, “No they don’t…they sound the same!” Like that.

So then we sparred, and I set my goals for the sparring. I was doing pretty well in reaching them. I sparred with this young up-and-comer, but he was going pretty hard with MMA open-finger gloves on. I thought, “Hmm he just hit me as hard as he could…I should tell him to lighten up. Well, the round is almost over, I’ll just be careful.”

Then I found myself on my back on the floor with him saying, “Are you okay? Sorry!”

GODFRACKINGDAMNITALLTOHELL@#U$O@#U$I#@$

I hate fracking striking so fracking much. *smashes head into the ground* I have to take full responsibility for that, because I SHOULD HAVE SAID “Dude, go lighter.” He’s just a college-aged kid, but how’s he supposed to know if I don’t tell him? When you have boxing gloves on, fine, hit me 100%, but with MMA gloves, you’re supposed to go 50% or less. DAMNIT, WORLD. Well, there goes the shaky web of confidence I’ve been trying to fracking rebuild for myself. >_<;;; He said, "I'm so sorry, I want you to hit me as hard as you can." Nah, wait until I get you to my world... So I had to sit out while they did lots of fun looking grappling stuff. If I were hypothetically trying to be somewhat positive here, I would say that I learned what exactly is wrong with certain aspects of my game, and also I learned why I've been having trouble standing up lately. So I learned two key points to fix two key aspects of my game. Great, right? I paid for it hard today. What if I don't WANT to fix my issues? -_-;;; I want to quit striking. But I don't want to quit MMA. Katsumura-san wants to fix my issues. Now that I joined Ground Slam (read that 'married the gym' so to speak) I have to put my trust in them....maybe they can fix me? So training was over at noon, and I had to go to work straight from there. So I showered, got dressed, ate, and tried to ignore my pounding fracking headache. If I were to be positive again, just try, mind you, I'd say, "It's nice that my boss sent me to Yokohama so I was really close to work, rather than having to rush and travel 30 mintues." For some reason I got a stomachache. THANKS, world. So I had to teach from 1:45 to 5ish, and then had a long break. I ate sushi and walked back to the gym, hoping Katsumura-san would be there, but he wasn't, so I walked back and took a nap on the sofa. Then taught evening lessons from 7:45-9:15. I taught this guy who did kyodo (Japanese archery). I could tell- he seemed really "with it," and alert. I dunno, I could just tell he did something like that. Actually, I mentioned that because he said something that I found very interesting. We were doing the text book TAB about the business of sports (right up my ally, right?) I asked him if Kyodo was considered a sport, or just a martial art. He said, "Only a martial art. There's not really a competition, you know. The purpose is not hitting the target." ....wait, what? I looked at him. "What do you mean?" I asked. He smiled. "If your behavior, spirit and attitude are correct, you can naturally hit the target." What am I? A fighter or a martial artist? Can one be both? I am searching for this answer now....

work, training, PIZZA and ice cream

Posted in every day, training on June 25th, 2012 by roxyfighter

On Saturday, my work day was alright. At training, I kind of snapped … I’m frustrated I can’t do certain things to my satisfaction.

So I was totally freaking out. But then I set some goals for the class, calmed down, and DID spar. I had no problems doing striking while sparring MMA- I just really really despise kickboxing only. ~_~; Noripi was watching me and went out of his way to give me advice. I like that kid. 🙂 I spilled my guts to BJ-san, and he told me that I have ingrained bad habits from years and years of doing it, and we’ll have to work really hard to fix them, and spend a lot of time on it. My response: Do I have to? -____-;; Akano-san beat me in our fight and didn’t land a single punch!!

The answer is, yes I do have to try, and here’s why:
First of all, things aren’t all or nothing.
This goes for anything in life.
Say you have a problem, and you KNOW you can’t fix it 100%.
If you don’t try and fix it, there will be 0% change. If you make an effort to fix it, there may be even 5% or 10% improvement. Although small, isn’t it better than nothing?

Anyway. We did some wrestling after that, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as jiu-jitsu. I learned a few things, though.

Sunday was like a blur….I woke up at THREE AM……………………!!! ~_~;; I kept losing track of time and how many lessons I was teaching, I was so exhausted and sleep deprived.
Me: *class bell chimes* “Well good job today, so your homework is…”
student: “Uh I have one more lessons….”
Me: “Oops sorry ~_~; So take a break and I’ll be right back…”

BUT AFTER THAT!!! There was much greatness….in the form of PIZZA AND A HUGE HUMUNGOUS ICE CREAM SUNDAE!!! XD

It’s called Hero’s Pizza, and has pepperoni, tomato chunks, shrimp, corn, and green peppers. XD

My friend and former student Meiko, and my new American friend Brittany who sometimes comes to Ground Slam! 😀

Then we managed to get to Isami before it closed, and I bought a cell phone cover that looks like an MMA glove. Brittany one, so I got a matching one, except red version of her black! XD It was 5,000 yen 😡 Kind of splurged there….

Yesterday, Monday, my body was dragging but I went to training and had fun. I did one MMA round with Wicky, and then trained in the general class with Arai-san. We did various techniques (grappling, of course) and then sparred MMA. It was fun 😀
I lifted weights in the evening a little bit. Wanted to do BJJ but wasn’t up to it. :/ various things are hurting…

Oh, and my fish “Drifter” died. ;_;

“No scar from running away” – reflection about truth

Posted in fight on June 22nd, 2012 by roxyfighter

Just because you’re strong, doesn’t mean you don’t lose.
Just because you lose, doesn’t mean you’re not strong.

Strong ones sometimes lose.
They’re still strong.

I finished watching up to episode 485 of One Piece.
I finally saw the part that got spoiled for me, first on a website I happened to read, and then by two people I talked to.

And it made me think. What do people really want? If you ask yourself that, you may come up with a recent goal, or carefully thought out plan. I want a good job, I want a significant other, I want money, etc.

But look one level below that. WHY do you want these things? It’s worth it to go one level further. Ace wanted to know if his being born was worthwhile. Did he find out?

I asked myself, what do I want? Why am I happy? Did I find what I want?
I thought deeply, back to when I was a child and making wishes on stars every night.

“I wish I had friends.”

I was kind of an oddball growing up- very unlike most of the kids at school, and unwilling to fit into the norm. I didn’t have many friends. I had like one or two good friends. I was lonely.

That’s why now, getting into martial arts has helped me meet so many people. At my job, I meet new people all the time. People are “friending” me on Facebook and “following me” on Twitter. I am so happy. I’m just so happy about it. I’m honored that people want to be my friend. It fulfills my deepest desire. I want friends. 🙂 It may seem like a simple thing, but the simple things are often closest to the real truth. The truth shouldn’t be more than a single word, or phrase.

“And I want to be strong.”

Back to One Piece.
In ep 485, they started listing how many attacks hit Whitebeard. (He doesn’t have a beard…he has a mustache, lol). Anyway, when they started saying that, sword slashes 200 something, bullets taken 400 something, I knew my quote was coming. They showed his scarred and damaged chest. Then, his cape fell away and showed his smooth, scar-free back. The narrator said it: In his whole life, on his proud straight back, there are no scars from running away. “issai nige-kizu nashi.”

That moment really made a big impact on me. It wasn’t just about ‘don’t be a coward.’ It wasn’t that he didn’t run away. He went FORWARD for something he believed in. He didn’t run away AND he went forward, despite the pain, despite the difficulty, despite the risk that he might lose, that he might get hurt. He thought something was right or worthwhile doing, and he tried to do it. And he was strong because of it.

Just because you lose, doesn’t mean you’re not strong, or you don’t get hurt. Strong ones sometimes lose. Often lose. They’re still strong. That’s why we look up to them.

A few days after I lost my fight against Hashi, I was walking- limping through Uniqlo. I couldn’t walk so well because I had injured my knee.

I fought on it anyway. It was really stupid of me because I hadn’t been able to train for a month. I know I lost the fight for a number of reasons, not 100% my knee. I’ll never know what percent and it eats me up inside every day. But I had accepted the fight because I didn’t know if I’d have another chance, and I didn’t want to die without having fought her. I was really depressed, like my fight career is over. Then I saw that T shirt: “There is no scar he got from running away.”

And it inspired me. I bought two.

I have to be PROUD of myself for not running away. I have to be PROUD that I’m a fighter. For the past year and a half, I haven’t really wanted to talk to people about my fighting. Yeah, I’m a fighter. How’s my career? I’m losing….

No. I’m a professional fighter. I’m proud of it. I train hard and fight hard and I don’t run away. That is all.