Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

How I literally beat my fear to death

Posted in Uncategorized on April 29th, 2017 by roxyfighter

Imagine this…. cute little kid-Roxy, four or five years old, playing merrily on the playground. Here she is:

It was a nice sunny day. Kid-Roxy was giggling, climbing on the jungle-gym, running across the log bridge on the playground contraptions, running up to the fence and trees and back. Then suddenly, she heard a Bzzzzzzzzzzzz! and THEN PAIN! STINGING HORRIBLE DEATHLY PAIN, on the tender, sensitive skin under her nose right above her lip.

She screamed. She cried. It hurt so badly. A bee had stung her. She knew she was going to die. It was the end. The planets were exploding. She had to find her mother to fix things. Tears. Fear. Mother took the stinger out but couldn’t make it stop hurting. Yes, she was wimpy, but most five-year-olds are wimpy and cry if stuff hurts, but this sting hurt all the way home and the next day! She wasn’t even allergic.

Thus, she became afraid of bees.

Even the sound of the word made her shutter. If she was near flowers and she heard or saw a bee, she ran. To the other side of the lawn. Sometimes inside. Flowers were a thing of beauty….only to be enjoyed at a distance if there were bees, and to find out, she would inch her way close, step by step, looking around carefully, checking the petals….

For years. And Wasps? pppfffffftttt those things looked ten times scarier!

Just look at that black Angel of Death on wings! With it’s pointy stinger of DOOM.

You could call it a phobia.

She kept the heck away from bees and wasps passionately so she never got stung by a wasp…or another bee…but she knew they were evil.

Life happened and she found herself, a 13-year-old, exercising in her living room with her new five pound dumbbells she just got. A few years older than this picture. You get the idea.

She had just started Tae Kwon Do, and was a huge fan of Dragon ball Z. She wanted to be as strong as Goku and Piccolo and decided to start lifting weights to get muscles. She was listening to Mortal Kombat movie music.

Then, she saw it… a wasp. No, a monster. The Alien Mother of ALL wasps was stuck between the silky see-through curtain and the window. This thing was as big as an adult thumb.

Of course, she ran away and closed all the doors to the room. She knew her mom wasn’t home and dad was mowing the lawn. She’d get him to kill it later….. wait.

She wanted to get stronger and become a fighter. She had a bookmark in her favorite book that was a Halmark quote card with a face of a lion that said, “Do things you are afraid to do.” There was literally nothing more scary to her than a bee or wasp.

How could she be JUST training to get stronger, want to learn fighting to fight the bad guys, but ran away from a dumb bug? Dumb, yet evil and painful and scary and evil and……

I have to kill that bug, she told herself. Say it. Say it outloud. You’re going to kill that bug. “I have to kill that bug,” she told herself. “Kill the bug. Kill my fear. Get stronger.” That’s what they teach us. Face your fear and overcome it. But….

She took a few deep breaths. “Roxanne.” She swallowed. “You’re going to go inside there and kill that …wasp.”

She went into the kitchen, got some newspaper, and rolled it up. She went back into the living room, hoping it hadn’t escaped from the curtain. Praying it hadn’t. It hadn’t!

Her breathing rate increased. Her heartrate increased. She thought of Piccolo. She was so terrified that she thought of anything that could give her courage. She slowly approached the curtain. Man, it was so big!

“Just do it!” she said, raising the newspaper and whacking at it as hard as she could. She missed! The insect panicked! She panicked and screamed! The giant wasp’s wings and body making a loud buzzing clicking commotion as it banged against the glass window pane. She knew it was just dying to sink it’s dark singer of death into her body. She hit it again and again, the curtain cushioning the impact of the blows. It fell! It fell to the carpet. She fell to her knees next to it, hoping to see a decapitated body…but no, it was very much intact started running around! With a cry, she slammed her weapon down as hard as she could, but the bug bounced back and forth between the soft carpet and newspaper. Have you ever tried to squish something soft against something soft? It’s very ineffective. She realized this after the 15th time she whacked at it, but knew there was no time to get a different weapon. And she had no shoes on to take off. She resolved to hit it until it dropped dead.

She whacked it again. And again. and again. and again. and again. She felt slightly crazed. It wasn’t dying. But she would kill it.

She lost count of how many times she hit that thing, but it was probably over thirty. It finally oozed guts out of it’s broken body into the light blue carpet, and stopped moving.

There were a few tears in her eyes. She was not only scared, but she hated what she did. She hated killing things. She always saved the bugs (not stinging ones-she called Mom for them) that crept into her house. She avoided stepping on ants on the sidewalk. After watching Fern Gully, she decided to stop pulling up weeds and flowers, because every life has a spark of energy and is beautiful. She felt bad she just ended the life of another animal, and there it was. Dead. It’s life could never come back. But it terrified her. She knew it had to die.

She hoped that she had killed the fear inside her along with that bug. And she was right.

She forced herself to clean it up with a paper towel, rather than waiting for her parents. After all, it was respectful. She had ended it’s life, so she should take the responsibility of finishing the deed.

Just as she has suspected, her fear dissipated. She went outside and went over to her garden and gazed upon the bees…. while she had no desire to go touch one, she no longer felt that icy knife of terror slice into her heart.

my code of a martial artist

Posted in every day on April 27th, 2017 by roxyfighter

You have your own value system, code of honor, and rules for living.

what is right and wrong
what you should or shout not do
how to behave

The challenge is to follow these self-appointed rules when you’re tired, stressed, or emotional. If you are a human who interacts with others, you know that pressure and circumstances make people act in unpleasant ways.

Those are the times where self-discipline is needed. Those are the times that test our resolve and hearts.

Will you take an extra cookie when nobody is looking even when you’re on a diet?
Will you yell at someone you care about if you’re angry?
Will you lie about something you think doesn’t matter?

Ultimately, it’s a person’s choice what kind of person they want to be. I won’t judge other people because I haven’t walked in their shoes in life, I haven’t experienced their life experiences that made them what they are, I can’t feel the things they are feeling. That is part of my code as a martial artist.

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word, “Honor?”

I just googled the word “honor” and I see a lot of American soldiers, samurai, other warrior-type characters, and cell phones. (huh?)

Can you define “honor” in words? Protection, respect, fulfill an obligation. An obligation to who? To yourself and to other people.

Pride – I feel like lately, it’s getting a negative connotation, where people think too highly of themselves and are ‘prideful.’ For me, it’s not. I have pride so I won’t stop training until I fall over. My pride won’t allow me to slack off on the assault exercise bike and let the numbers fall, even when my trainer Lorenzo walks away for a second and stops watching. I hold myself to a high standard and if I break it, I will be letting myself down and it will damage my self-esteem. Pride lets me sleep at night if I fail at something, because I KNOW I gave it 100%.

Growing up being teased, I admired super heroes who did “the right thing.” They helped others, they sacrificed something to follow some moral principle. They told the truth even if it meant hurting someone’s feelings, in order to fix a situation in the long run. They followed the rules. My teachers and parents told me, “Life isn’t always fair” like a mantra over and over again. Therefore, growing up, it was very important for me to do the “right” thing because I wanted so badly for the world to be fair. The “right” thing is often the hardest thing. I feel like the world isn’t fair because people don’t try hard enough to make it fair.

But WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING?! Sometimes it’s not so easy to know! You can only do what YOU feel is right so you can live with yourself. Sometimes two choices seem right. There are two futures right there, one down path A, one down path B. We have no way of knowing which one is ‘best,’ because we can’t see the future. Just choose.

(That’s a line from Levi from Attack on Titan.)

I also feel a very strong need to accomplish attainable goals I set for myself. For example, Friday morning I have to go to yoga class, or else my back will hurt all next week and my body won’t recover. I will absolutely go to that class unless my car breaks down. No matter if I’m tired or cranky or whatever, there is no way I’m not going to that class.

The trick for me is ignoring my mood and feelings. Those can change so easily. If someone I had a crush on suddenly texted me he was going, I would suddenly be motivated 400% to go. (not true, but just for example). Objectively look at facts.

If I let my mood dictate my actions, and I skip some unpleasant work out or homework or whatever, I’m letting myself down and failing myself. That’s my pride. Otherwise, how can I call myself a martial artist?

Our emotional control and will-power is like a muscle. It needs to be exercised and developed. When I first started fighting and dieting for fights, it was so hard and tortuous to control my eating if I was hungry or craving something. So, I got the idea to train my will-power. I used to walk into bakeries, look at and smell all the delicious breads and pastries, and then walk out without buying anything. Now it doesn’t bother me one bit seeing others eat a lot in front of me if I have to have a salad or whatnot.

I’m not trying to sound high and mighty. I’m trying to explain how I build a mental and emotional structure for myself to live in and live by. I want to know my weaknesses so I can strengthen them.

I guess one of my weaknesses is that I’m not very sharp to pick up on things people might imply. But it’s partially by choice. I don’t try too hard. It’s so easy to misunderstand or misread people. My mom always said, “Don’t be a mind-reader.” So I choose not to think something that somebody doesn’t tell me directly. If I think, “Maybe they feel or think this?” I entertain the possibility, but don’t believe it unless I have proof. I wonder if that’s good or not. Well, I don’t get into trouble at all, but I’m often finding stuff out that I hadn’t picked up or realized and then I think, “Man, I’m oblivious.”

One of my most recent accomplishments was banishing my emotions from training. I used to get frustrated if I couldn’t pick up or learn a move quickly. My brain got more and more worked up until it froze and I got REALLY upset. I started telling myself, “I’m a Jedi, I’m a Jedi, there are no need for emotions here.” As I step on the mat, I bow in respect, touch the post, and imagine leaving my feelings there stuck to the post until I’m done training. If I feel something welling up during training, I imagine it like a breeze, wafting away in the air.

[edit] Another thing is that if I notice a grammatical error in my writing, I MUST go edit it because I have my pride as an English teacher! Spelling is a whole different story… lol

my story of a girl, life, friends, and fighting

Posted in friends on April 20th, 2017 by roxyfighter

There once was a little girl trying to grow up.

And, like almost everyone else, she was different than everybody else. Also, like everybody else, she got teased. She only had one or two good friends most of the time through elementary school and middle school. Everyone else seemed to have so many friends and she was lonely a lot. Every time it was a starry night, she prayed to the brightest one like in Pinocchio, that she could have more friends. Hey, it worked for Geppetto.

When she hit high school, people weren’t as mean and even though she was an oddball, she fit in better. She found a group of six people who loved anime and video games. They were together always.

The girl was happier. They all were really into the internet and showed her how to blog and use social media. She became a midnight mIRC chat room fanatic.

The girl went away to college and started fighting professionally. Strangers started talking to her online more and more, almost everyone being really nice. The girl enjoyed meeting people online so much. She also met fans in person and they were really nice to her.

The more she fought, the more people wanted to chat online. Only a few times did she run into creepy or mean people. If they appeared, like on the Underground Forum, a bunch of White Knights chased them off for her. 🙂 The girl was happy.

Flip forward a number of years to chapter further into the story.
Facebook was invented and the girl was very active on it. She moved back to America from Japan.

She joined team Syndicate. The people were cool and welcomed her.

She felt like she belonged.

Sometimes various people wrote her messages, “Oh I would love to train with you!” and she wrote, “Sure, come to Syndicate.” People never actually made the trip. Then one day, a fan from Philadelphia wrote, “Okay, I booked my plane ticket for next month on the (insert date here.) Here’s the itinerary.” The girl was like, “Wait, you’re really coming?”

It was Serena! She visited on and off for a few years and ended up becoming one of the girl’s closest friends ever, joining Team Syndicate. Serena. The Reen. The Southpaw outlaw. Official Nacho Buddy and Anger Translator. No, we are not sisters, and no, we are not dating. lol

Flip to another chapter.
Eddie from Cage Quest flew her to Washington State to be a guest at his show. While signing T shirts at the table and smiling a lot, some buff guy asked her to put him in an ankle lock and get a picture. Suuuuure, WHY NOT?! So she posed a bunch of times with him and he was so happy and she was very amused.

He gave off the “weird but not dangerous-weird” vibe. He was Rob, from Aardvark Painting! He found her on social media and they became friends. And he wanted to help support her fighting career, but didn’t really care about his business being advertised. The girl insisted on writing something on her banner, and wrote “Aardvark Painting” in plain text.

A few fights later, he sponsored Serena and Serena’s mom came up with the little Aardvark picture. Then the girl used that plus the text “Aardvark painting” and thus, Aardvark Nation was born.

The girl also started a chat room, just like the old days. One lady joined and always typed “roxy roxy roxy” three times when she entered, so the girl always replied, “candy candy candy” and thus they became friends, not only in the chat room, but on other social media.

Also, a veterinarian who did Tae Kwon Do came into the room and they all made friends. They all started traveling to see the girl’s fights, thus the Posse was born.

A lady named Julie, emailed the girl, asking her to try out her new design of shorts “Meili Fighting” for active women. meilifighting.comThey soon became the girl’s favorite shorts and she wore them almost every training session. Then she got to meet her buddy from Twitter Patrick, who she talks about UFC and superhero shows and anime with, and so so many other people I can’t even begin to mention, Bonny, Darth Lemon Bader, Justin T, Eric & Beth from Remove it Restoration, Jay C, Mike C. and family, Jack and Jan, Eric Holden aka My favorite stalker who really doesn’t stalk me but other people talk crap about him but I like him, etc etc!!!!! so many unique people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting!

Fast forward to Invicta 14 where the Posse dressed up as Mortal Kombat characters as a surprise!! They did it again for the next Invicta she fought on.

And her coach John is also her friend who always has her back.

The girl was so happy. She went from being lonely and praying for friends, to having people who would travel the country to see her and spend time with her and dress up in crazy costumes with her.

I have stress. My life isn’t perfect. I haven’t achieved everything that I want to achieve. Sometimes the Happy Warrior cries and needs to be reminded of the positive things. But I want to take a moment and acknowledge and thank my friends and fans for making my heart so happy. If I haven’t typed your name here, it’s not because I forgot you! I just happened to talk to the above people in the last five hours so their names were first on my social media lists. hahaha <3 Lots of people say to me, "You are always smiling! Why are you always so happy?" Well, I'm not ALWAYS happy, but I'm talking to you right now, and you're being nice to me, so why shouldn't I smile?

post fight: some training, kids, anime, Herbal Papaya

Posted in every day, fight, Uncategorized on April 7th, 2017 by roxyfighter

I always take one week off after a fight. I usually have to. Something is swollen or hurt, I feel the intense full-body soreness the day after the fight, and I want to avoid contact with my head just because I get hit hard and want to avoid any possible concussions.

Thank GOODNESS nothing happened to my legs. I only kicked a few times. My upperbody was sore, but not injured. Two of my fingers were swollen from making contact with my opponent’s skull with a strike. My left elbow was swollen, but I had a swollen bursa sack before the fight started, so it just got worse. From me elbowing her in the head…. so yeah I definitely got the better of the fight. Oh and my zombie eye….broken blood vessel that looks scary but doesn’t hurt and will heal in a week. I’m so lucky.

Before I fight, I always call both my parents. I always take a moment to be grateful for my body that functions in the way it’s supposed to. Because you never know.

Monday, I did chores all morning and didn’t train. Then I taught kids in the evening. They missed me! 😀
Tuesday I did light technique in the morning but didn’t roll. Captain was like, “Hi Roxy…WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GO HOME.”

I did my physical trainer Lorenzo’s jump squat sets….only three sets! which includes several activities. I usually do 5 when I’m feeling good. Man! Three sets made me sore for days. Crazy how I’m in such good shape stamina-wise for a fight, but had stopped doing squats so those muscles went back to being sore again.

Man, I love Lorenzo’s training. I can feel my speed and power went up! How exciting! SO exciting I finally found there people I need. John for striking and MMA, Capitao for jiujitsu, and Lorenzo for strength and conditioning. Finally finally finally, after so many years of trying to figure stuff out myself. Under the same Syndicate roof. Syndicate is truly the best.

On Wednesday, I had a record-breaking number of kids in my jiujitsu class : 20! HOW AMAZING! 😀 And figures it was a day Serena wasn’t there to help me. ;_; Two kids from the big kids class like to be helpful and kind of assisted me, kind of fooled around near the end so I had to scold them…. but in the middle of class Forrest Griffin and Gray Maynard came onto the mat and helped!! HOW COOL! 😀

Man, Jamie visited Syndicate wearing her Goku outfit on the SAME DAY my Vegeta rash guard came in, and I wasn’t even doing MMA! GAH SO SAD. It would have been SO COOL if we had sparred!!! omg we MUSt coordinate next time!
Special thanks to Herbal Papaya for the awesome products that help keep my healthy. I have not once caught a cold while taking the leaf extract capsules.

Check out my balancing skills.
I have seed extract, too. Good for the digestion and intestinal health because it has enzymes. The blood formula is supposed to help increase your blood platelet count. Please, browse their website…they have graviola products and tea, too.

So Attack on Titan season 2 is out!! Man I wish I didn’t have to wait one week for thirty minutes. x_x I dunno if I can. I might wait a month and then watch in a cluster of 4. Hmm tempted. I kind of know what happens since I read the manga but I already notice small differences, and I forget a lot.
beast titan


Also, My Hero Academia season 2! Man, I forgot how much I love that series. Really inspiring.
In the episode, Deku said, “I wish I could tell my 4-year old self that everything would be okay. Wonderful changes were gonna happen.”

I totally relate to that! I wish I could tell my elementary/middle school self, “Don’t worry, Roxanne! You are lonely and picked on a lot now, but when you get older and start cage fighting, lots of people will want to meet you and you will have friends.” LOL I always wished upon a star to have friends. Always. Well, every kid wants more friends and gets picked on, I suppose. Plus, I was a more of an oddball than average. But seriously, mother, thank you for instilling in me the firm belief that I didn’t HAVE to conform to everybody else and I was fine the way I was. Because of your constant affirmation of the way I was, I never tried to be something I wasn’t. 😀
Mommy! 😀 I miss you!

Another thing about that anime…that girl said she wanted to be a hero for money, and everyone was surprised until she said it was to help her family. That’s exactly what happened when I told Lorenzo that I wanted to get a job where I’d be rich. He said he didn’t think I was that kind of person. Well, I want to be rich so I can buy plane tickets to visit my family and take care of my ailing relatives.

I ran stairs this morning and it seems my cardio hasn’t really gone down. That’s good… I got it good enough to go five rounds, but I don’t think my next fight will be five rounds. I hope to fight again soon…. already bought our costumes! 😀

I’m glad I did physical training with Lorenzo today. My ear is swollen and I shouldn’t be grappling…. tomorrow instead of jiujitsu, I coach some of my students at a local tournament. Then watch the UFC!

Blog about my Fusion Fight League Fight!

Posted in fight, friends on April 3rd, 2017 by roxyfighter

I had an amazing weekend.

Serena, John, and I left on Wednesday evening, changed planes in Salt Lake city, and arrived in Billings, Montana around midnight. The promoter kindly met us at the airport and a shuttle took us to the hotel. It was nice – Big Horn Resort! There was a water park and pool but we never got to use it because it opened at 4 PM and we were always busy at night.

Tuesday, we ran into a fellow fighter named Jessica “Black Widow” Borga. She offered to drive us to walmart to get supplies, since she rented a car and we didn’t. We made friends. 😀

We started our first stage of weight cut Thursday might, which was not eating dinner or drinking, dressing in a sauna suit, jumping rope, and hitting mitts with John.

We lost about 4 pounds of water that way, then Friday we both woke up about 5 pounds over. I didn’t feel too bad! We sweat out the rest of the weight in a hot tub. Serena went to the public one downstairs but I wanted quiet privacy and osmosis with salt, so I used the hotel room bath tub like I’ve always done (since returning to America). Captain and John Switched off. Captain arrived Friday night, super late, due to a flight delay. Poor guy.

We both cut weight and Jessica and Marq P. drove us to early weigh-ins at the venue! We both made weight.

My opponent didn’t make weight. I was staring at her using the blanket to weigh in and then the staff lady told me she was 128….all I could think about was, dang, she’s so short! My reach advantage will be amazing! I didn’t even care she missed weight. My opponent’s translator told me she claimed it was her time of the month and she didn’t feel well.

Well dang, girl, that sucks. But we all go through that and that’s why you plan ahead…. mine was supposed to be this week, too, actually, but my hormones got all screwed up from extreme exertion and dieting and other females with dominant hormones around…so it came early…. too much information? lol 😀

I know some women have debilitating cramps and stuff so I feel bad for them….but it’s not my problem. Pop those pain pills and carry on. My friend was like, “You should kick her in the uterus!” LOL Empathizing too much is a weakness of mine, so I worked hard at shutting off my emotions and entering into my Jedi state. She wants to fight, so let’s fight. I’m glad she took the fight with me! They had a hard finding me an opponent, so I’m grateful to her. I got $50 for every pound she missed, which turned out to be way less than 20% of her purse, which kinda sucked. It was in my contract but I didn’t really think about it when I read it.

We went to a Ribs place and ate a lot. 😀 Rob, Sheryl, Candy, and Katie joined us! so did Jessica and her coach. Fun times!

Then we went back, I got my hair done by the wonderful ladies of Beauty Mark salon! They sponsored the event and have great people, so if you are in Billings, please go!

Rob drove us to Hudson’s bar for the mock weigh in! I looked less defined since I re-hydrated and ate a lot, but whatever.
Thanks for the socks, Marq!!

omg look at the size of Serena’s freaking BICEP!! O_O;;;
Then we ate at Applebees joined by Bonny and family, Serena got HER hair done, and we went to bed.

Saturday, fight day, we woke up, ate, and went to the ZooMontana. Hah I did a 360. “I absolutely do not want to go to a zoo. Okay I really want to go to the zoo. let’s hurry up and leave now.”

haha If I were an animal in a Zoo, I’d want to live there. It was basically just fields and scattered trees with fences around it where the animals lived. Very natural. No hard concrete floors like some inner city zoos. The bears were playing either each other. The tigers were strolling around and didn’t look unhappy. There wasn’t a huge variety, but I enjoyed our nature walk and it distracted me from being nervous before my fight.

Ate subway sandwiches.

Took a nap from 2 PM to 3 PM, then got revved up to fight, and went to the venue at 5.

We found our locker room and waited. We were joined by Jessica Borga and Dayna Kelly. I loved sharing a room with those ladies.

Amateur fights tend to be shorter than pro fights, so I felt like I didn’t have to wait a really long time, but I still fought around 10 PM. Serena was two fights before me. I was mentally prepared but had to work hard a shutting off my emotions. She’s my best friend so I always get so nervous before her fight and care so much. But I knew she was in capable hands with John, and Captain was there to support, too. I watched a little from the side, between my trying to warm up and pacing. She did SO well! Her technique has come a long way from even her previous fight. I could see her applying movement, cage technique, blocking, etc. The first few rounds she dominated. Then the other girl started rallying and blitzing more in the final rounds. I still thought Serena won but the other girl won the decision. Gah!

I worked so hard to shut off my emotions and just focus on myself. ;_; Then Jessica lost a tough fight…I was sad! Fighting is hard, man! I feel for my friends.

No emotions, no emotions. Peace. Serenity. Like a Jedi.

Alright. My fight time. I felt great. Warmed up. No injuries. I’ve never felt more healthy. Thank you massage therapist Teri “Helping Hands,” and Luke for the shoulder exercises I still do that have strengthened me. Thank you Lorenzo for the conditioning training.

I walked out to the theme song for the anime Fairy Tail and it was cool.

I expected her to come charging forward throwing wild hooks. She didn’t really. As expected, my range was so much longer. I was able to land jabs, and then pull out when she tried to counter with hooks. I landed a lot more than I thought I would. And then suddenly she threw a hard jab and it snapped my head back. lol In all her other fights, I never really saw her throw a straight punch so it caught me by surprise. I almost laughed. John told me he almost laughed, too. I heard him call out “head movement” and I was like, oh yeah, that’s right. lol We exchanged a lot. She did land a hard hook on my right side and it rocked me for a second, but I pretended it didn’t. She tried to bully me into the cage but I reversed it.

You can’t hold a Syndicate fighter on the cage. 🙂

I ended up taking her down and landed elbows and grounding and pounding from inside her guard.

She trapped my hands and I knew I was in danger for an armbar so I tried to keep my elbows in. But she didn’t throw one up or attack one, so after a while (time seems so much faster in a fight, for me it was a ‘while’ but probably was like 3 seconds) I just kept grounding and pounding. Then she threw up her leg for an armbar. I immediately stacked her to defend and tried to immobilize her hip movement.

I heard John yell “Twelve seconds!” so I thought, “Alright, I’ll just ride it out here rather than risk getting unbalanced trying to escape.” Then I heard some commotion and the overhead announcer comes on and says, “This is a pro round with 5 minutes…” and I hear John holler, “NINETY SECONDS!” wait, what? lol which one? Then he yelled, “Two minutes!”

CRAP, That means I need to start getting out of this arm bar! The set up was pretty good and she really had my arm tightly, but I stacked hard and managed to defend it.

John later told me that he started screaming at the ref that they forgot to reset the clock from all the other ammy matches, which were 3 mins, to me, the only pro, who goes for 5 minutes. HAHA.

I got mount.

Then she rolled over. I got her back? I forget which round this happened in now. Thanks for the great pics, Katie.

In my mind, I heard Capitao’s voice say, “When I take the back IT’S ALL OVER!” I want that to be said about me.

She was tying up my hands and I couldn’t quite get under her chin. I almost got the choke a few times but she managed to hand fight, and I didn’t wanna burn out my arms cranking on something that wasn’t there. So we rolled over and I started hitting her head with punches and elbows.

Of course I was aiming for the sides but she kept turning her head and I landed one on the back of her head. CRAP that’s illegal because it’s dangerous.
Ref: “Watch the back of the head!”
yeah I know. Okay, crap crap, punch the sides, okay elbow CRAP SHE TURNED HER HEAD AGAIN. god damnit!

The ref stopped the fight and stood us up. I was like, “SORRY SORRY SORRY!” to both of them. Usually the ref scolds the offending fighter, but he just said to me, “Yeah ok go stand over there…” and gave her a minute to recover. 🙁

Remember, Roxy, every time you step into the cage or onto a mat, you leave your emotions outside. No anger, no sorry, no revenge, no feeling. Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel bad, don’t feel anything. It was an accident.

John’s voice in my memory: She wants to be here. There’s nobody holding a gun to her head saying ‘you have to fight!’

I managed to keep the voice in my mind silent and resumed as if nothing had happened.

I forget how the round ended. I forget if this was the first or second round. Anyway, in the second round I managed to take her down with a cool trip John taught me a while back off the cage. Got side control. I heard everything my cornermen were saying. This was funny..

John: get mount!
Capitao: Go for the arm bar!
John: Get mount!
Capitao: Go for the arm bar!
John: Mount!
Capitao: Arm bar!

Roxy: **Which one?!? **

lol I always default to John, so got mount and did gnp, but ironically, Captain had JUST drilled with me last week on how to pinch my knees and pin her on her side and gnp if she tries to turn over, and that’s exactly what happened. Then…

Captain: 30 seconds, Roxy, arm bar!

Have confidence in your jiujitsu. Capitao gave you a brown belt for a reason.

I went for the arm bar. I got the position! She locked her arms! I started working to break her grip!
Captain: Put your foot over her arms.

Oh yeah, that attack! I did it! Her arm popped out. omg. I grabbed her wrist and started cranking it. She didn’t tap. Slowly pull harder. She didn’t tap. Her arm was all the way extended. There was like ten seconds left. damnit tap damnit . Slowly hips up. I put my muscle into it. I saw her rather than felt her tap and then ref stopped it.

YES. JIU-JITSU!!!! I won with jiu-jitsu! HELL YESSSsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

I was so happy to finish with a submission. I’ve been doing so much jiujitsu lately, too.
And I won the 125 lb flyweight belt! The actual fight meant more to me than the belt, but I can’t lie and say I wasn’t excited to get a belt. 😀

My smile looks forced here because I’m trying not to cry from happiness.

It’s a victory for me and also my coaches. They must be happy to see their student progress and succeed because of their teaching.

Hey, I’ll put in the effort but it goes to waste if not directed in the right ways, and John and Captain are the best coaches I’ve ever met in my LIFE. I’m so happy they both were able to come corner me. That’s not always the case if there are other fighters with fights at the same time. And they’re taking time away from teaching, away from their wives and kids to support me in my dream. Thank you, my heroes!

I allowed myself to feel again after that. So thrilled about my fight. So sad Serena didn’t get the W but so proud of her for her improvements.

I hope she can recognize and be glad about them because I’m impressed. She will always be my favorite training partner. She’s as motivated at me. We have the same fire and drive to get better and win.

After the fight, we had to go to the Hudson’s for me to get paid, and then we went out to eat with my team and friends. <3 I'm so glad Katie is down with helping me eat my dessert as an appetizer. FREAKING ICE CREAM NACHOS.

It was so cool that I fought in the hometown of my friend Bonny! I got to meet her family! I met her online because she sent me fanmail and we made friends. I love that. Best thing ever. Friends are my hearts desire. 🙂

I think I only slept an hour.

It made me really happy to get feedback from my coaches about the stuff I’ve improved. I’ve been working doggedly for those very things I just succeeded at.

Terril and Ryan from Fusion Fight League treated me very well and I’d love to fight for them again. Thanks to my fans and friends who came or bought the PPV, which is what makes the event possible!
My sponsors REALLY helped me out financially for this fight. Thank you!

Remove it Restoration, Cryohelmet, Aardvark Painting, Jenkins jiujitsu, Smoking Gnu, My Consumer I.T. and THE TWENTY EIGHT who bought me autographs or donated!

My elbow is swollen for obvious reasons and my ear is cut and swelling from her hook (she hits HARD) but that’s it and it’ll heal fast. I can’t wait to get back to training! 😀