Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

widdle chwildren & confusion about Jpns relationships

Posted in cultural, every day, work on July 31st, 2012 by roxyfighter

So I went to my out-service daycare. As I entered the building, I said my usual prayer to the Universe, “Bless all day-care workers. Bless them for their patience, the taking care of people’s treasures while they’re working to support the family. May they get higher wages.”

My first class was alright except for this little 4-year old boy who liked screaming and carrying on. I said, “Stop jumping! Hold hands! Be careful, you’ll bump into everybody and get hurt!” Of course he couldn’t understand, but he screamed out of excitement and what happened? He collided with this girl, they both fell over, she fell on top of him and stepped on his face by accident. They got up and she said, “gomen ne! gomen ne!” (Sorry! Sorry!) but he started SOBBING and CRYING. @_@ I was like “OMG. >_< LIKE I JUST TOLD YOU!" I didn't feel sorry for him in the slightest. I patted him on the back and pretended to for a moment, and then went on with the lesson. I have 15 kids to handle at once.... Then in the second class, this one girl kept trying to lay across my lap, but I had to use my hands and lap so I kept gently placing her next to me. Then she said, "Look, look!" (in Japanese). I looked and there was a BIG ugly contagious-looking scary rash all over her leg. I was like, "Omg don't touch that and then touch me." She goes, "ITCHY!" *scratch scratch* I was like, "OMG DON'T SCRATCH THAT! Don't touch me! Don't scratch that and then touch me!" I was constantly pulling her fingers out of her nose, too. LOL omg kids. I was only there for one hour, and I had all the joy I could handle. Again. Bless all day-care service staff. AND like THREE of the little ones managed to slap my boob because they came at me at once and I could only deflect like TWO. ;_; Sexually harassed by 5 year olds. --; Actually, our final flash card competition game was a HUGE SUCCESS and I am definitely doing that every freaking class period. u_U Next topic.
I am disillusioned with Japanese families and relationships. Just a disclaimer: I’m not trying to insult Japanese people. I’m just trying to figure this out.

I’ve heard that couples tend to get married for love but a huge portion of it is stability. And once the woman has a child, she becomes ‘the mother’ and the man feels freer to get a ‘girlfriend?’ Somebody please tell me that this is not true. But I’ve heard this from many people, and I’ve also heard that men tend to have a few girlfriends. Someone PLEASE tell me this is NOT true. Why did an acquaintance show me a pic of his pregnant wife…. Oh wait, not her face, only her belly? WTF Why don’t you have your WHOLE WIFE’S beautiful body, including the head, on your phone, dude?

Every time I see a couple walk by holding hands, I wonder if they only have one significant other, and what they really feel for each other. It seems like everyone’s so awkward. Is it only Tokyo or Japan or am I getting this completely wrong?

I was eating at a conveyor-belt sushi restaurant across from my office, and near me, was this 60-year old looking businessman sitting next to a pretty lady in her 20s. Nowadays parents tend not to have lunch with their daughters, right? Then, he answered his ringing phone and I overheard him talking about what kind of women he likes. “Oh I wouldn’t like that kind of girl…..right?” and kept giving this girl significant glances.

Well….one of my friends believes that if everybody’s aware of everything and is okay with everything, then anything is okay. So who am I to say that this is bad? If everybody is happy, it’s just their culture. There are Mormons who have a few wives, right? I’ll never forget the classical book “The Good Earth” by Pearl S. Buck, that I had to read in high school. The farmer (main character) got married to a peasant woman with ‘large feet,’ and then got rich, and then was told by his neighbors that now ‘he had to go get a mistress because all rich people have mistresses.’ He was like, ‘Uh okay I guess so. Wouldn’t want to look bad in front of my neighbors.’ So he did.

That’s the culture.

So….? This is a warning to all cross-cultural daters. Your definition of a relationship may use the same ‘word’ but the actual contents may be different. American marriage does not = Japanese marriage. I believe this. Someone tell me I’m wrong. Of course, I’m not saying no Americans cheat on each other. The opposite…but I feel like the severity and degree of cultural acceptance is different…?? I don’t know, I’m trying to figure this out.

kind of a tough weekend

Posted in every day, fight, friends, fun, training on July 29th, 2012 by roxyfighter

Well, the weekend race is over.

Friday morning I woke up in such pain it was unbelievable. My whole body was stiff…hips, back, arms, everything. Compounded with the fact that Invicta was this weekend, it made it 10 times worse emotionally.

I really want to fight, but not if I can’t move. Hitomi was fighting. I always say, in MMA we step on other people to reach our career goals. She’s one of the people who stepped on me and I want a rematch. Barb Honchack was fighting, ad I KNOW I CAN BEAT HER, but I was not at my best in our match, and it eats me up. About Hitomi, I would almost bet money that she’s going to retire after this match, and I’m dreading hearing somebody’s blog announcement. I want a rematch first…*sigh* But that’s her prerogative.

I dragged myself through Friday, and Saturday, I didn’t feel like talking to anybody, but I had to cuz it was my job. It was hard to get through the day. Only the thought of Brittany and Shakey’s HUGE ice cream parfait gave me something to look forward to. She is such a good friend to me- she even treated me! I really needed that, thank you. <3 It's funny how well we get along, even though our personalities aren't similar at all. We were finishing each other's sentences and everything. lol Roxy: My make up is coming off my black eye and I think people noticed. But I don't mind too much... Brittany: Well, it's pretty cool to get punched by Tokoro. Roxy: LOL Yeah at least it was Tokoro. XD Roxy: It's really cool how Nakadai-san will spar seriously with us...but... Brittany: He's so fast for his size... Roxy: ...and huge... Brittany: ....and huge.... Roxy: Let's go into Don Quixote. Just don't let me buy anything One Piece. Brittany: Only if you don't let me buy anything MyMelody. Roxy: okay. *enter* Roxy: ....but look at this toy... Brittany: ....does it count if it's a collaboration Hello Kity and One Piece? Cancels each other out? XD <3 Yeah, so perfect. At loads of ice cream. My eyes glowed red.
I went to the gym for about 40 mins after that, but I’m sure I still gained a pound.

I keep reminding myself that I don’t walk alone anymore.

Got through work on Sunday. Went to Gold’s Gym. Forced myself to do Jacob’s ladder and stairs and unpleasant stuff. I thought to myself, You can’t have one hard work-out and get stronger. It’s a long painful process. Even then there are no guarantees. Therefore no way to have faith. That’s why MMA is so remarkable. You can train harder than the other guy and still lose. You can fight injured and win. Not just the fight, but the training tests you so hard mentally.

I want to get stronger. And I’m fully prepared- FULLY prepared- to suffer for it every day. Lack of sleep, injuries, bring it on. But even if I”m prepared to suffer, doesn’t mean I’ll get stronger! There are NO GUARANTEES!

I must be insane. Well, fighters are not normal, logical people. That’s the rule- if you’re a fighter, you’re not allowed to have 100% common sense.

I noticed that since my legs healed and I’ve been jumping rope and doing stairs, I’ve been feeling lighter on my feet. Now I just gotta drop a kilo. lol I hope BJ-san gets better soon. I’m worried about him… plus I miss sparring him. >_< And I gotta keep going to Mihara-san, the miracle worker Osteotherapist, but he's too expensive! I need to find a clinic that accepts my insurance card, but I don't trust anybody to be as good! >< I'll just do the technique class tomorrow and then go to Mihara-san, and hope I can do jiu-jitsu.

friend’s blog: Pro-wrestler SAKURA!!

Posted in friends on July 27th, 2012 by roxyfighter

I have translated the blog of my dear friend Sakura…and nearly fell out of my chair!

Here it is!

By Kimie “Sakura” Okada
July, 2012

In March, I had my last MMA fight in Pancrase before retiring. A lot of stuff happened…I missed weight, etc. I wrote about this before, also saying that it wasn’t the reason I retired. As a pro, I just decided to retire from MMA, kickboxing, and the world of fighting in general.

After that, I spent many peaceful days. For someone like me who’s been going full-tilt for 40 years, I think it’s the first time for me to live this kind of no-pressue lifestyle. I don’t really have confidence in myself, sometimes feeling like my life has no purpose. That’s why I tend to always place high hurdles in front of myself. As a result, thanks to the help of others, I’ve managed to realize some achievements. I guess I could rename the word “hurdle” to “my dream” or “my hope.” In the end, I was able to do things many people weren’t able to do. I’m very fortunate. It’s brought me much happiness in life.

Well, since I started living by myself from 16 years old, my life has been non-stop. Of course, I’m not the only one who’s lived like that – I’m sure many people have experienced similar circumstances. However.

*Take a breath.*

So I’ve come to this place. I’ve been thinking a lot. The trigger was, if I remember correctly, year when I ran from my home all the way to Enoshima, I think it was 67 kilometers? in an ultamarathon. I hate running. I hate roadwork for sports. But I had to do it, so I did. I did the ultamarathon during the time I was thinking about retiring and stuff like that and was frustrated with leaving things incomplete. I thought that if I could achieve something in the thing I hated the most, I might be able to get some insight. So I ran. Determined, I tried to reach Enoshima. I ran all night long. And so, agonizing, feeling like I was going to die, when I reached Enoshima, it was the best feeling ever. Maybe ecstasy is like extreme pleasure right before extreme pain. Is it kind of like sadism/masochism? *laugh*

So the trigger was the end of last year.

I was invited to participate in costumed pro-wrestling by a one of my seniors from my Capoeira days. Other people who were there were Sanshu “spit” Kichi, Pedro Takaishi, Macho Michaels, DSL ( short for “Dragon Soldier Law”), Katemura, Yuiga, and Ogasawara-sensei. We ran around the Yamanote line (which is a train line which is one big loop through downtown Tokyo, 34.5 km) doing pro-wrestling at each of the (29) stations.

(on Mt. Fuji)

So from there, I did ‘guerrilla’ pro-wrestling near Sky Tree, and on Mt. Takao.

From here on out, I’ve decided that I’m going to do more pro-wrestling

I’m going to do it right. I wonder if it’s okay to call myself a real “a pro-wrestler,” but anyway, I’m going to do it.

Just to avoid any misunderstanding, I want to make it clear. I’ve retired from professional MMA and kickboxing. I want to enjoy myself, along with everyone else who is cheerful and likes to act stupid. We want to give something back. Of course, I have no intention to sacrifice my life-style as I did previously, for better or for worse. I’m not going to cut lots of weight. I have no wish to experience that tingling feeling of losing my body little by little like that. There’s no way I’m going to stumble around on weak legs and worry about that stuff anymore. I don’t want to worry my companion and cause him trouble anymore. Right now, my daily life-style is most important for me now.

But even for someone like me, I’ve been given people I need, and if I can make them happy I’ll gladly do it. Please let me do it!

However, there are various things associated with the world of pro wrestling. It’s that kind of world. I’m not really ranked to be able to do pro wrestling, at this stage. I don’t really understand the rules of it and the hierarchical order of everything. Of course I’m studying it now, but I really don’t get it. However the good people who’ve accepted me are letting me have fun with it, so I’m going to do my absolute best!

For example, I’m not going to do things like aiming to be the best of the best, and sacrifice my life-style to get there. Sorry. It’s not like I’m doing it half-heartedly, though. Or is it being half-hearted? I’ve got it into my head to do this thing, but at the very least, of the idea to “be included with everyone to help make everyone happy.”

I bet I’m getting in the way. I can’t put it into words well, but especially because pro wrestling is to entertain people. Even though I “retired,” I want to tackle this new challenge in a new world. In this pro-wrestling group called “Ice Ribbon,” they have a saying, “Happiness through Pro-wrestling!” I’m going to borrow this phrase.

As long we live in the world of adults, it’s impossible to be loved by everyone, not cause anyone trouble, and live a balanced life n perfect harmony. However, everyone shares one main concept: to be happy. *laugh* I’ve come to another hurdle, haven’t I? Well, that’s what they call ‘living.’ For me, they are reasons for living. If I’m needed by somebody… I can live anywhere! I’m an old lady now, well, just entered my 40s. But I’m still a young chick! I hope you’ll all still continue to support me! About a nick-name. Before, I felt like I was a half-serving, so I wrote my nickname in lower-case letters “sakura.” Now as a pro-wrestler, I’ll make spell it with capital ones: SAKURA. And my costume is a sailor uniform and a mini skirt.

From now on, please support “Pro-wrestler SAKURA.” I’ll do my best to entertain everyone!

Link to Sakura’s Original blog

Stream of Consciousness style writing

Posted in every day, story or poem, training, Uncategorized on July 26th, 2012 by roxyfighter

I was waiting in line in the grocery store. A woman in front of me passed by a mirror near the cash register and looked at herself.

I’m not going to look at myself when I pass. I don’t need to. I don’t care if I’m beautiful or not. People think I’m thin, but actually, I’m over my fight weight now. I should lose weight. No, wait, I’m not over-weight. I know I’m not fat. Oh, there’s my shoulder and arm muscle…so small. So inadequate!! I’m so weak. How did fighters like Sarah McMann get so big and strong? They worked hard. But I’m working hard and I don’t look like that. Lifting? I lift some. Why not more? I’m too hurt, or sore or exhausted to lift and do so much conditioning. Why? I should be doing stairs every day. What’s wrong with me? I work. I’m injured. Always injured. Always something. No guidance. No support. No, wait, now I have guidance. I have support.

I love Groundslam. Today I sparred Tsuchi-san. He kicked me in the face. I like sparring him because he respects me enough to try and hit me. But he’s so much bigger and stronger. I really have no chance. My black eye. Tokoro-san got me. At first I was proud, but now I’m embarrassed. I should have blocked it. I wonder how he feels. I’m sorry if he feels bad for hitting a woman. I’m sorry I’m just taking up space…I can’t provide a challenge for my male sparring partners. I hope they don’t resent me being there. Some girl. Get out, right? Wicky doesn’t. Wicky invites me to spar. “Roxanne, let’s go!” he says. Maybe he just likes crushing me. He laughs when he’s pinning me with his knee and doing GnP. I like Wicky. He’s a little out there sometimes.

Omigawa-san put his hand on my shoulder and nodded at me. He’s always nuts. He likes flirting with women and taking suggestive pics, but I think he has no idea how to with me. So he just stares into my eyes. “I’m so tired, Roxanne!” he said today. “You worked hard, today,” I replied. He just nodded. I like Omigawa-san, even if is scary and looks like Vegeta.

I wanted to spar more, but my back hurt. Will I ever fight again? Can I ever get into good enough shape? Many of the women I want to fight are in great camps where their jobs are running the gym or training, and they’re around fighting all day. I can’t do that….everyone tells me I should move back to the States. Then I could be a fighter 100%. But I don’t WANT to move back to the States! I’m psyched I got my visa so I could keep working my day job to support myself and pay bills. I’m smaller than my previous opponents now. Why can’t I bulk up? I want to go back to 135 but I can’t. I ate a lot and just gained fat. My previous personal trainer with the fat-measuring scale said so.

Deepak Chopra said that “*I* decides what’s real about oneself. The whole thing is a feedback loop. Once *I* decides something about oneself, everything in the outside world must conform to that decision.”

I always try and be positive. I see the world positively, albeit naively. I like it that way. It’s a happy world through the eyes of a child. Simple things make children happy. I want to keep my child-like heart.

Shopping was done. Walking down the path through the Lazona Plaza.

There’s a grate. Oh, it’s lighted. But how strange. I can only see the light from underneath the grate if I’m right next to it. I can’t see what’s in front, or what’s behind…

Roxy taught class at Groundslam

Posted in fun, training on July 25th, 2012 by roxyfighter

Yesterday, Katsumura-san went to Nagoya to do some research and studying at Alive dojo. (Suzuki-san! :D) It was my honor to be asked to teach the Wednesday morning beginners/intermediate level MMA class.

It’s a real challenge, actually, because people of all levels come- we have people who just started, who’s movements are still awkward, and then people like Arai-san, who can spar full-on MMA.

I realized how hard it is for Steve and Katsumura-san to create good classes that satisfy everybody. What do I do for English groups, I thought, where the levels are different? Well, I have the same goal and basic structure I want to teach, and then I adjust to the student. So the key is to find something simple with room to expand. So for example, if I teach the triangle technique, I’ll teach the basic set up to the beginner. But for the more advanced guy, maybe I’ll have him do a unique finish at the end, or switch to something else like omoplata at the end WITH resistance, or maybe I’ll have that guy do the triangle from some other entry, like from a take-down or if someone is passing, he has to pop his or her hips up and work on speed like that, as opposed to the set up from full guard.

Yesterday, I had Arai-san and Kaki-san do shrimps and forward crawls and reverse shrimps to warm up…but that’s boring by itself, so we had a race. XD See who could reach the other wall faster. I won the shrimp race and Arai-san won the reverse shrimp race. We also did shrimping drills where the opponent is standing and walking forward, and then guy laying down has to use his feet to push on the legs and arms to shrimp away. They’d never done it before, so it was a great sensitivity drill.

Then I had them do side-rolls! They’d never even heard of them. lol That’s the point, because I knew Arai-san would have no problem, but he just had to get used to it. In that time, the more beginner guy learned the actual technique. I learned them, and that other drill at the AACC. Abe-san has some great, interesting warm-up drills…I borrowed them. m._.m I made them try and do side-rolls using the wall, where you walk over with your feet and roll over your shoulders! It was hard, but they got it! 😀

We did distancing drills, striking, and light sparring. Oddly enough, it’s very unlike me, but we didn’t do much grappling. Arai-san and I both wanted to work more on the distancing drill Katsumura-san had us do, and I took the other fellow step by step, and by the end, IT WAS SO HARD TO HIT HIM, it was unbelievable. He’s tall and skinny, and Arai-san had trouble, too.

I’m happy about that. XD Kind of. Well, he learned what I was teaching, weeeee.

So it was a success, and I’m honored I was asked by Katsumura-san, who is coming back today.

I went to work after that. 🙂 Workin for a living! My boss has been putting in a lot of over-time lately. I hope he doesn’t get burned out. I just want to take a minute and praise my boss. He tries hard to be flexible and understanding of the teacher’s needs. For example, if a teacher is supposed to work from 4 PM to 9:15 PM, but then suddenly a request for a lesson comes in at 8:30 AM, the boss COULD make the teacher come in, teach 8:30-9:15 AM, but then they’d be free and have nothing to do (and not get paid) until 4 PM. Instead of that, my boss gets out of HIS bed early, comes in and teaches that lesson, and then goes elsewhere until HIS shift starts at 1. Who else does that? And I think so many people don’t notice. Of course, he can’t please everybody.

Anyway! Training this morning! 😀 Happy days.