thinking about misfortune

I haven’t updated in a bit because I’ve been struggling, and haven’t felt like it.

Basically, I got back from my vacation, happy that my neck was feeling better, but another injury was bothering me. The more I practiced on it, the more it bothered me, so I went to my doctor. He took an x-ray and said it was okay, but obviously it wasn’t, so I went to a second doctor, a specialist. He gave me kind of a grave diagnosis, which I’m currently in denial of. I’m kind of hoping that if I just keep training on it, it’ll magically go away. 🙁 I’m going to give it another month for the magic to percolate.

Brittany is in the US right now, and boy, I miss her.

Actually, I’ve hung out with a gymmate friend G-san a few times now. Thanks to him, I was able to get un-depressed and more positive about my injury before I went home for Christmas, and I enjoyed my holiday. Every time I meet him, I feel uplifted and positive. He’s such a great man, and he really inspires me. I just don’t understand literally half of his Japanese. He’s very intelligent so he uses big, high level words. (laugh)

Anyway, I’d probably be more down in the dumps if it weren’t for my friends. 🙂

G-san said, “Times of misfortune aren’t supposed to be fun. That’s why it’s ‘misfortune.’ You can only help how you think about it. Will you try and think about it positively, or let yourself be negative?”

You never know what experiences today will help you tomorrow.

“We must not let even our times of misfortune go to waste,” G-san said. Like for example, if you’re injured, if you just sit home and sulk until you get better, you have a big blank during that time. If you go to the gym and watch practice, or if you go out with friends and strengthen those ties, then at least you have something you filled that period of misfortune with. Do something productive.

My co-worker Gloria said, “Life doesn’t always give us roses.”

Work is going pretty well. Same work, but always new challenges. I like feeling like I’m doing something useful with my life.

You know, if I can’t entertain people with my fights right now, I want to make a difference in other ways.
–I want to teach the beginners at the dojo MMA techniques. See their eyes light up. See it change their lives.
–I want to be remembered fondly by my kid students, as the nice, funny, quirky American lady who helped them have fun learning English, which will get mercilessly drilled into their head once they enter high school. Maybe then they won’t hate it so much.

–I want to help the businessman be able to make a fluent presentation about his company’s products in front of a room packed full of people.
–I want to use my translation skills to help Japanese fighters communicate with foreigners.
–I want to post inspiring blogs, sayings and quotes, so fans reading it will stop and think. Maybe it can make a slight, miniscule difference in their lives. Like with what G-san did for me, if what I wrote turns up their mouths into a smile, maybe someone seeing them will smile, and maybe two people will have a nice day. How much is that worth?

Anyway, I know I’ve done a lot in my career as a fighter, and it’s wearing at me that I can’t get back in the ring or cage yet. I was going to write ‘killing me,’ but it’s not killing me yet because I’m still alive. Every day I wake up and feel that painful twinge in my heart, and I think “This sucks,” but I push it away and think about what I have to look forward to in my day. First, breakfast! 😀 How I love breakfast! Then training light, if possible, then in the afternoon, I teach that kids’ class. The next day, I’m going to teach so and so English. Then I’ll meet my friend. 😀 Enjoying the little things is very important!

I’m not going to give up- I will fight again. I haven’t even showed my new style or hissatsu waza yet!

This is such a beautiful song that I’ve been listening to a lot, by Lacuna Coil, called “My Spirit.”

The gates of hell are waiting. Let them wait a little more….
Where, where I go. My spirit’s free. I’m coming home….