my feelings about MMA

I wouldn’t say ‘depressed,’ but I always feel kind of down when a big card is going down. Especially if there are other women fighting.

First of all, it’s not me. I wish it were me.
Guess what. I haven’t even watched Marloes vs Liz Carmouche. I haven’t watched Marloes vs Tate. I haven’t watched Sarah vs Liz.

And I basically am personally acquainted with most of the top-ranked women fighters. I’ll feel sad for whoever loses, and it’s bitter-sweet for the person who wins.

If you win, what do you get? You get fame and a little money. Yes, a little (unless you’re Gina Carano). It’s not like you get a monthly salary. You train your butt off praying that you win so you can pay your rent (or not, if you’re not Strikeforce or Bellator) and support yourself for who knows how long until your next fight. If you win, you’ll get another fight! That’s the best part!! If you lose, sucks for you…your value goes down and there are no guarantees.

If you’re female champion, so what? Does the belt automatically attract money like a magnet? Can you open your own gym and have students flock in? Will you have action figures made of you and royalties paid to you? Tara LaRosa beat up SO many people, and do you see her getting the fights in the big leagues she deserves? *I* beat both Tara and Marloes at one point, and now I’m on a three fight losing streak. Where am I?

The best part’s gotta be personal satisfaction, making fans, and making friends. The best part is knowing you’re making a difference somehow. When fans send me e-mails telling me that they are inspired by how I moved to Japan and am always positive…I’m so happy. Part of me feels like my existence is validated and actually making a positive impact in the world. Thank you. m._.m

back to my rant. (lol)

So I’m on a three fight losing streak; Wanna tell me to move the US and train? So if I move and then lose my next fight, what difference will it have made? Will it have improved my life-style at all? Will I be happier?

When my student, a little girl was crying and I came in and started playing a card game with her to cheer her up, and she smiled at me…oh my god. …her smile was like beautiful angel. The sun came out from behind the clouds and she glowed. I wasn’t even on company time. That is happiness.

I’ve had people asking me, “So how’s your camp going for your next fight?” Camp? What’s a camp? I always smile when I hear that. I don’t even know what a camp is. I’ve always been on my own. Even when I was part of Keishukai, if I had a fight coming up, Moryiama-san yell out, “Okay, whoever has a fight coming up, you get to be one of the five people to stay in the middle for the next 30 minutes and everyone else rotates in and out.” That was our fight prep.

Plus if you can grab someone to help you drill. In the AACC, the ladies offer to help me spar…..if I can wait around until 10 PM when everyone warms up and gets their gear on. Um, I’ve been there since 8, I wanna go home…

My personal trainer is sometimes too busy. But we do study tapes and develop a strategy.

I am a fighter so I have to suck it up and take care of my self. I do what I can, run stairs for cardio on my lunch break at work, head to the gym before and after work on the same day. Work 40 hours a week, head to the gym after work when I’d normally go home…and HOLY SH*T I wake up SICK with a FEVER because I over did it. Big surprise. But all I was trying to do was step up my training like a good pro fighter!

Camp. Hah. Every day is a fight camp.

Two weeks ago, I started going to Wednesday night’s AACC sparring and Abe-san was yelling advice to me while I was sparring. WHILE I was sparring. I was like, “holy sh*t this is fsking great!!” The ZST guys did that for me, and that’s why I love ZST on Saturdays.

Where am I going with this?
This is why I don’t watch MMA anymore. That’s why I’m not moving to the US. That’s why I am not a ‘full-time’ MMA fighter. Is this entry influenced by the fact that I’m on a losing streak? Maybe…

What am I going to do?
Smile and carry on. 🙂