Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

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Posted in every day on November 28th, 2011 by roxyfighter

I don’t feel so good. I hope I’m not catching a cold. Something is going around.

Well, hopefully I can do something useful today.

Got the kindergarten angel’s outservice in the morning. Then small lunch (had a big breakfast), tea with friend, then kids open house in the evening. Then go the gym for the test weight-cut.

My neck hurts.

A positive thing…I have to write one, right? uh. -_-;

I have supportive friends, and I’m thankful. Yesterday, Tony talked to me for over an hour on skype, about weight-cutting and just letting me blab around various issues. I felt slightly better after that. Rosi sent me info on rehydrating and stuff, too.
And my best friends from high-school don’t forget me, and post random messages of love on my Facebook.

I’m really fortunate. I must not forget that.

Okay, off to work. In K. School. The school that I’d been trying to get into for two years and I’m finally here. The school I get along with all my co-workers. I love it. Happy. Yes okay I’m ready.

disappointed

Posted in every day, training on November 28th, 2011 by roxyfighter

I erased my previous blog entry because I felt kind of pathetic.

Let’s just say I had a rough weekend. Except that I sparred Akano-san and I felt an increase in my strength against her. I’m really happy about that.

Today, I found the motivation to go to Ground Slam. I sparred…fewer times than I wanted. I was actually very disappointed in my own sparring performance. I did have one good round against BJ, though. I talked to Katsumura-san about going to a night class. I will next week. Maybe Saturday! Looking forward to that.

I fully intended to go to the AACC tonight- I was looking forward to it, and I purposely didn’t push it an extra round at Ground Slam for that purpose. But over the course of the afternoon, my neck has been hurting more and more, and now it hurts a frick’n lot. So it’d be pointless to go.

I did physical training on Sunday, so I’m really sore so I can’t do more training. I’m disappointed in my body….
I’m just disappointing myself left and right nowadays, in most areas other than work. *sigh*

Tomorrow is my test weight-cut. I had two ice creams today in preparation. I don’t want to lose any more weight, and I may since I’ll skip dinner tomorrow. I think I might have had sodium in my dinner because I’ve been drinking a lot and not peeing as much as I thought. Oh well, tomorrow will be bland city, and I’ll be stoping consumption after lunch. I’ll go to the gym after work, start the cut, and then finish it Wednesday morning. I got my sauna suit ready. I gotta prep some recovery drinks by tomorrow.

Damn I wanted to train this evening. I’m not putting in enough time at the gym lately. I’m disappointd. *falls over*

Anyway. I finally finally talked to Mom on Skype. She’d moved to a different apartment so I didn’t get to talk to her for like two weeks. WAY TOO LONG. I’ve been really lonely for my parents lately. ;_; Probably because I usually talk to Mom every other day, and suddenly NOTHING. She said, “”Whatever happens, don’t view it as good or bad but an opporunity to learn something. Make it a positive thing. It’s our reactions to things that determine the outcome.”

refusing to be broken

Posted in training on November 26th, 2011 by roxyfighter

I wanted to train hard tonight.

Lately, I haven’t really been enjoying training.

The AACC is awesome, but the times just don’t work for me. I get up so early, and the AACC starts and ends so late….when everyone is just getting going, I’m tired and thinking about tomorrow, and how exhausted I’ll be. 🙁 It’s not good….

Worked from 7:45 AM to 5:30PM. Ate dinner. Arrived at the AACC at 7:00. I wanted to start training. The lights were off. Empty. I was alone. I jumped rope for one round. My motivation plummeted. It was cold and dark and I was alone. I couldn’t warm up like that. I just sat there, unable to move. Staring at myself in the mirror. What was I doing there?

I should jump rope. I should hit the bag. I should shadow box. I could lift weights. I could do mat warm-ups by myself. Other fighters train hard alone….

If I bust my ass and I’m winning, it’s all good. But if I work so hard and I keep losing, what the hell is the point? Finally Billy came and offered to hold mitts. I hate mitts. I told him no thanks. If I’m not getting any better, what’s the hell’s the point of hitting mitts?

I got so depressed. Megumi and people trickled in over the course of an hour. I chatted with Masa-san, and he tried to give me a pep-talk. It didn’t really help, but it made me realize something important.

I miss the man I called my coach.

I miss the personalized training. I miss the confidence it gave me.

I couldn’t move. I was like frozen. Masa had us do mat-warm-ups at 8:45. Then he taught gaburi, which in English is…I dunno. A wrestling head-pull down? For some reason I couldn’t figure out how to pull back while keeping pressure on the opponent’s back and shoulders. I had so much trouble and I was getting upset. When I get upset, I stop understanding Japanese. @_@ So Masa and then Megumi might as well have been finally speaking gibberish. I was aware I was emitting buckets of negative energy. 🙁 I couldn’t even speak Japanese anymore.

Finally, time for sparring. I’d been waiting for this. But……………………….

I saw Akano-san.
Akano: Oh, Roxanne!
Me: Good Evening.
Akano: Are you well?
Me: *shakes head*
Akano: Really? Injury?
Me: *shakes head*
Akano: Tired?
Me: *Shakes head*
Akano: Heart?
Me: *nod*
Akano: Well…hang in there!

I felt like such an outsider. Alone among dozens of people. Silence amidst the noise. Ignored among people who loved me. Friendless among friends. Searching for something, anything….

Masa: I was injured over and over again and again. I know exactly what it’s like to feel alone….not able to do anthing…..

Then…..I remembered THIS article I read: Ben Fowlkes wrote about Daniel Cormier: You really learn the value of simply refusing to be broken. You find out that even when you’re in a terrible position with no clear way out, all you have to do is not give up. You take it. You try and give some back. You keep pushing and you don’t quit, and before you know it you’re on top. You’re winning.

I’d met Kunioku for the first time in 5 months at the Thanksgiving party. Last night, he’d sent me a text message.

Only that one sentence. He’s a man of few words. But a great man.

I turned to Akano.
“Let’s SPAR!” I practically shouted.
Akano looked shocked. “Oh….really?” As if a sleeping person had suddenly jumped out of bed.
Me: YES!!
Akano: Okay! Oh, is your forehead okay? Injury? *pointed to cut I got from sparring at Ground Slam on Thursday*
Me: NO PROBLEM!!!!!!
Akano: Okay!

We sparred. I tried to pass. She blocked me and tried to kick me off. I used my strength and stuck to her. She tried to pull me in for an arm-bar. I wouldn’t let myself be pulled. I tried to break her guard. I tried hard and broke her guard! She tried to arm bar me. I yanked out of it. I used my strength. I tried to scoop her and get side control. I did it, but she rolled out. I put pressure on and went for the foot hold. She got out and went for an ankle lock. I prevented it.

The sparring continued. And I felt….I …. I FELT STRONGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got stronger! I finished sparring and that was it for me, but I was elated. I was stronger. Some of my strength returned! I’m getting stronger! 😀 My weight lifting efforts have been doing something! Last time I sparred her close to three weeks ago, she was muscling me around. I managed to hold my own.

YES.

Next order of business: the test cut. Let’s DO THIS SUCKER!

My Thanksgiving Party, 2011

Posted in fun, training on November 23rd, 2011 by roxyfighter

Boy, I had a busy day! But it was so awesome! 😀

Last night was Tuesday, I was freaking out because my turkey I’d bought Monday afternoon hadn’t thawed out enough in the fridge. I read websites and they said not to leave it out on the counter unless I wanted to give my guests food poisoning from bacteria. I was so worried that I actually had a nightmare about it, and I woke up at 4 AM, despite going to bed at midnight. ^^;

It was fine, though! 😀
In the morning, I prepared the ingredients for my party, and then went to the gym. I managed to work out for two full hours before noticing the time. I got a lot done.

Then my guests arrived! The presentation of everything wasn’t so beautiful, but I think it tasted good. I certainly enjoyed it, and people had seconds. 😀

We played a card game where we have to do a pose like what’s drawn on the card. XD And Thanksgiving trivia! 😀

After everybody left, I actually stopped by the Gold’s Gym potluck party. Am I crazy? I only ran into one dude I saw around, but nobody else I knew! Nobody from the AACC went. I was kind of disappointed.

I spotted this mother and a teenage daughter looking kind of alone and depressed, so I struck up a conversation, and we all had fun. 😀

Then there was this bodybuilding demonstration. I’d never watched one before. It was kind of funny, kind of cool. THEN they announced this guy, Takanashi? Some champion of something? They turned off the lights. Somebody from behind me started screaming ‘Gorilla! Gorilla!’ And sure enough, he did look kind of like a gorilla.

To be honest, I don’t really enjoy watching body building guys or girls.

But he was beautiful. He did some flexing routine to some cool music.

I don’t know what it was, but it was mesmerizing. I wasn’t the only one. Everyone was SILENT. He was so cool. Then when he was finished, everyone started SCREAMING for an encores. He came back, and I got my wits together and took a few pictures.

I am so tired. But so happy. I had such a wonderful time with my friends. 🙂 And I trained well. I totally enjoyed this national holiday. I ate so much today. But you know, I don’t care if I gain a pound (which did). Today and tomorrow, I already decided I am going to enjoy myself. Sakura said, “I’m so glad I’m not fighting this month or next~!” and you know what, I found myself thinking, “Me, too.”

sparring, shopping, my king, table-slamming

Posted in amusing, every day, friends, fun, training on November 21st, 2011 by roxyfighter

This morning, I went to Ground Slam for the first time in two weeks since I hurt myself. It felt good to spar again. I did one round less than I usually do, but it was fine. My back didn’t hurt! 😀 I could have gone to K-taro Dojo tonight, but I kind of have a headache and I’m sore, so I decided to just stay home.

I planned to watch the last Harry Potter movie, but I started and realized that I totally forgot the first one, so I’ll have to rewatch that first. x_x but I don’t feel like it…I have a headache. I got another negative query-letter reply….I’ll send more out later. Watching Gargoyles now.

I got another new business shirt! Whoohoo!

In the afternoon, I met Grace, my friend and former co-worker, and we went shopping together in COSTCO.

This is us and the king. (nutcracker)

And this is just “The King and I.”
XD

I look SO bad@$$. (but the jacket is way too small)

Oh, the other day, I played that table-slamming game again, and this time, chose some woman at a hostess club? I didn’t really get it, but she was sitting behind a table with a bunch of glasses piled up, and these guys were trying to hit on her/me and do stupid dances. Every time I hit the talbe, some glasses fell, and the men were like, “What’s wrong, baby?” so finally with one second left, I lifted the table and the glasses went everywhere! Mwahaha I took a pic with my phone.