Struggling, by Megumi Fujii.
I think that as a fighter, I’ve been declining ever since I reached my peak when I fought in Bellator. That was in 2010.
Since then, I’ve been struggling with myself. My reaction time, between my brain and body, is one beat off. It’s less than 1%, but I feel it, and because of that, it messes up my flow.
I’ve been doing everything I can in training to get rid of that and get my perfect flow back.
But it’s difficult.
If I keep going this way, with this slightly “off” balance, my struggles will never disappear.
A fighter must practice hard, almost with desperation, every day. If they can’t or won’t train like that, nothing will become of them. They can’t even stand at the start-line. I don’t want to make the excuses of age and injuries. However, there are some things I can’t cover up and forget no matter how much I try.
I wonder if it’s okay like this.
I always answer my own question.
My body won’t move…rather, it can’t move as much as I think. I wonder if it’s a problem of heart. But I believe it’s not that, because I’ve over come that already.
I have the feeling that I’ve reached the limit of how much I can use my heart to spur my body into action.
But some fighters I respect have said that if I’m still worrying about this, it means it’s not the end of the line yet.
However, I can’t help but worry about my reaction time slowing down.
In the past, sometimes it seemed like my opponents’ movements were slow. Lately, that hasn’t been the case.
I worried about writing this, but I want everyone to know the real me, so I decided to write.
I want to be an explosive fighter.
There are times I think I want to go back. I want to freeze time in one moment.
Well, even today I still love what it means to be human, in our imperfection, sometimes unrefined.
Even against weaknesses, I face it without averting my eyes.
It’s just that the struggles never disappear.
I’ll write more later.
Read the original blog at: Megumi Fujii’s blog…