Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

Changing up my training! Let’s do this! busy week!

Posted in fight, friends, fun, training on October 21st, 2016 by roxyfighter

For some reason, when I plug my iphone 5 into my computer, the computer won’t show it as being plugged in and I can’t transfer my photos. This has been happening ever since the latest phone update (which I never want to do anywany but it forces me.) Does anyone know why? Can someone help me?

This week has been a really hard week training, but hard in a good way.
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This is my first week back to MMA because my nose isn’t swollen anymore. This week, I’ve been consistently doing double classes – first BJJ 10:00 AM to 11:30, then and then MMA 11:30-1:15-ish. So actually, I really only have the physical strength and energy to do one hard class well, especially with all the various nagging injuries I have, so in the past, so I deprioritized jiu-jitsu and only did MMA. After all, I won’t be fighting in the gi, right?

I realize now that jiu-jitsu gave me a kind of physical strength due to all the pulling, pushing, holding tense positions, etc. I had decided to focus on BJJ after I was done my MMA career, but after my last fight, I changed my mind and decided to work on it NOW. NOW NOW NOW. That tournament I fought in last weekend and lost both matches upset me so much. So much. SO MUCH. To be fair, it was my first gi competition in 11 years and it feels So different than MMA. I’m glad that I’m friends with the person who beat me. But I’d still love a rematch.

I’m so frustrated about everything – losing my MMA fight, not feeling like I have enough physical strength, losing a BJJ competition even though I’m supposed to be the “BJJ girl.” Actually, I wasn’t as torn up about the MMA fight as I was the BJJ competition!

One of my friends said, “I’m sad to see you so upset” and another one said, “This might seem f*cked up but I’m glad to see you are upset because it shows how seriously you take it.”

Well, yes, indeed. I know I’m not going downhill- I’m improving all the time. I keep having successes in training. But I just happened to lose lately. I’ve decided to change up my training a bit, and I’m at the perfect place to do it: Syndicate MMA. I have everything I need here. Not only Coach John, who can teach me striking, wrestling, grappling, MMA, etc, but Capitao who is probably my second most favorite coach in the world when it comes to explaining things in a way I can understand. And Casey. I also have teammates who are very knowledgeable about strength and conditioning.

I’ve been doing weight lifting every other day for the past three weeks. I’ve also started taking little 30 minute jiujitsu private lessons with Casey for jiu-jitsu. I really understand well when he explains things. I need slow paced, step-by-step, every excruciating detail. I’m a tough student. My teachers probably just wanna choke me sometimes….

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I’ve decided that I’m going to do extra strength training, and BJJ training, plus MMA training, and if my body breaks down at the end of MMA class, I’ll just have to stop, which is mentally tortuous because everyone else is still going and I feel like a wuss. Like the other day, my back was hurting so much I couldn’t walk and John told me to spar with Jessica and I said “no” and felt like a pile of @#*$&#*($. But so be it, because it seems like this is what it takes. The last few classes I couldn’t do the last sparring round because my body felt broken. I just have to steel myself for it.

This seems like the normal training routine for a pro fighter, but I don’t recover as fast as I did when I was 20.

The other day, my masseuse Teri asked me if I was lifting weights because I had more definition in my arms. I was like….
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I’m so happy Captain is the jiujitsu teacher. I can really get behind him and trust him. He came up the same way I did….Judo, BJJ, MMA. So his attitude is very Japanese. We bow into class Japanese style, he uses the technique names in Japanese, and teaches us Judo throws. I’ve always wanted to review my Judo, and he makes an effort to go out of his way to teach me. He spent his free time on Saturday to come corner me, Brandon, and Enzo, at the BJJ tournament. Yesterday when I was getting frustrated, he put his hand on my head and said, “No emotions!” Just like the Jedi code I believe in. lol
master-yoda He said, “We don’t need emotion. Like samurai! Win or lose. I don’t run and jump on cage like RAAAAAAHHHH! Be like Samurai!” That’s exactly what my Japanese friend told me. I love it.

I’ve been teaching a lot lately, not only my little kids BJJ class, but helping Rick with the big kids class. I really love coaching the big kids class. I don’t have to worry as much about discipline and can just teach them the moves.
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I promoted my first student! Congrats, Preston! I’m so so SO proud of you!!!
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I’m really really strict with my promotions, too. I don’t promote on time, but ability…

Even though I got hurt (emotionally) these past weeks, my mind knows what to do, and I know who to trust, so I just smile, make a plan and proceed! That’s what I’ve always done. I still wake up everyday excited for training. And tostadas.

Finally, anime. I’ve been looking forward to this new anime called “Drifters” which is done by Kouta Hirano, the same guy who did Hellsing.
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The art is really cool, and it’s creepy how the characters smile demonically as they’re fighting, as if they enjoy bloodbaths. It’s actually like a twisted, guilty pleasure to watch…. the voice actor for the main character is Yuichi Nakamura and I’m a HUGE fan of his. *_*
And….after I watched the only two eps out twice in a row (is that weird?) I got the urge to watch Hellsing again, even though the level of blood and guts exceeds the Roxy Tolerance level.
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My psyche hurts watching, but I can’t look away….and I have a crush on Alucardo’s voice, Jouji Nakata’s… *_*
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appreciation, fans, life

Posted in amusing, every day on October 13th, 2016 by roxyfighter

I’m reading this book called “Who says you can’t? You do.” Coach John told me to buy it, and said “It’s sh*t I say but more in depth.” or something. I dunno about that, but I like it. I share a lot of the same positive, constructive thinking processes that the book suggests anyway, which is a pretty cool think to realize, but I’m not very far along. It did make me think hard about being compassionate and sparked an interesting convo with Serena.

Anyway, the book suggests that you make a list of things you’re grateful for, saying that we humans are so focused on what we want, we forget to appreciate what positive things we have here and now, and we should make a list for us to read when we feel negative. That’s a technique I already use when I’m feeling bummed or upset for whatever reason anyway, even trying to motivate myself to train if I’m hurt.

I could go on forever. The first thing I’m grateful for is always that I’m alive. Next, that I can walk. I’ve been hurt so that I couldn’t walk in the past, and it’s the worst thing ever. Some people don’t have legs and will never walk, or have sciatica and spine problems and every step is agony. So I’m grateful I can walk. I always think this almost every day. That I have my senses. That I have friends. My parents are alive and are really great parents! My grandparents are dead, but I’m glad I got to meet them. That I have fans who love me and support me… I could go on for a long time because I’ve thought about all this before…

….but branching off on that last one, I was invited to dinner by two fans of mine! I met them while walking past the Keno lounge in the Orleans Casino, where I go two times a week to run stairs! They’re lovely people, and this time I got to meet their son and we had such a nice time. They told me how they got a bunch of people together and were crowded around an iPad to watch my fight. I’m really touched to hear that!

Actually, I’ve gotten two interview requests lately. That’s unusual. I’ve only ever gotten pre-fight interview requests before, never ones after my fight, especially after losing! Why do they wanna talk to me? But it reminds me of the loving feeling I felt while leaving the cage after losing in the UFC TUF 19 finale….I was so crushed at my loss, but as I walked down the pathway to exit the arena, I felt that the people around me were screaming my name and cheering just as much as when I had entered. Thank you.

I have my own goals in life. Win a title. Beat Barb Honchack. Actually make a profit with my fight money. lol Not depend on government assistance for health insurance. Live by myself. Build a big kids jiujitsu team at Syndicate as big as when Alberto was here!

I’m so grateful I can teach kids and that they like me and my class! I don’t have kids of my own (yet?), and I want to help raise our next generation to be good people!
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I’m grateful I have amazing coaches who care about me as a person and also making me successful.
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I wanna get stronger. Get more fluent in Japanese to do translating jobs.

These things haven’t happened yet but I’m still really grateful for what I have and I think about them a lot. Every time I put on a pair of socks I feel loved, since like 75% of my socks are gifts. 😀
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Reminding myself of these positive things constantly enhances my every day life while not putting me into a state of complacency where I wouldn’t want to try and work for more things. You don’t want to be “totally satisfied” in life, but you want to feel good about what you have while you strive for more!

And this is a really pretty song and makes me feel so excited about life!

recovery, jiu-jitsu vacation! :D and tourney

Posted in fight, training on October 9th, 2016 by roxyfighter

The week after my fight was rough, partly because I lost the fight, however I wasn’t feeling as low as I could because I’m proud of my performance. Friday – Sunday I had my eye injury and birthday parties to distract me. Monday and Tuesday I felt like I was getting sick so I just wanted to lay down. But then through Wednesday I was like, man, I really want to get back to training…. every day I’m not training is wasted, I feel.

From Tuesday, I started teaching my kids class, and nearly cried when a kid grabbed my swollen ankle. Friday I ended up helping Rick teach the older kid’s class. It just so happened that his normal coaching assistant Chris couldn’t make it for a week, so I ended up covering classes in his place. I made back the money I didn’t make because I was away from my fight! YAY MONEY!!!!!!!!!! off topic-sort of on-topic my health insurance premium just went up for no reason. *cry* I keep having this foreboding that the government is suddenly going to decide to make me back-pay all the assistance I’m getting and then I’ll owe $250 a month instead of what I’m paying now which is $55. *worry worry*

And that Friday and onward, I started rolling lightly with people while wearing the awesome grappling shin guards that Dragon Do sent me. I first got them in the package and thought, “Pfffft, there’s no way I’d wear these!” and then ended up wearing them every day. lol They are not super bulky and fit under my gi pants! Dude, Jennifer kicked me only like twice, but my shins were bruised up and down and so tender. I guess because I kicked her! ug.

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So that week happened and then the second week after my fight (oct 3rd-7th) I pretty much did the adult jiu-jitsu class in the morning and two kids jiu-jitsu classes at night.

SO MUCH JIU-JITSU!!!!!!!!!
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So much happiness!!

I adore jiu-jitsu. I really really want to get better at it.

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And I can’t do striking because my nose is still swollen from my fight. (it keeps getting bonked and hurt a little bit in grappling but not too much) But I make sure I do lots of striking since it’s my weak point but now I can skip it and not feel guilty. Through focusing only on jiu-jitsu now, I realized how many things I’ve forgotten or abandoned because it didn’t fit in my MMA game. The very way you MOVE is different in MMA than jiu-jitsu. You absolutely should not be on the bottom in MMA. Even black belts get stuck in bottom guard and pounded out and lose in MMA fights. But for jiu-jitsu, the majority of submissions come from there. And gi…I love gi, but I have absolutely no idea where I stand in the rankings now.

I’ve been a purple belt for 11 years, but for 8 of those years when I was in Japan, I didn’t even put it on. I’ve been doing jiu-jitsu for 15 years now, and other people younger than me are getting their black belts. 🙁 I don’t just want to JUST get the belt, you know. I want the skill. if I become a black belt, I want to be able to answer ANY question. Like, Captain or Vinny or Pyle or any of the other black belts I ask a question to always have a great answer. But if someone’s like, “Roxy, how do I do Z guard?” or “what’s the best foot placement for a heel hook?” I wouldn’t know. I can do a text book heel hook but I’ve never gotten it in rolling because I haven’t really done it in ages.

I’ve been telling myself that I’d do a jiujitsu tournament after my fight. One is coming up October 15th and at first I was hesitant about doing it because my body hasn’t recovered. But my ankle isn’t swollen anymore. I’m not waking up in the middle of the night with my legs aching anymore. My face is healed. It’s just my shin bruises but I’ll suck it up. aaaand now I have to lose like 3 pounds this week. and I had ice cream yesterday. bah.

I’ve been so happy and thrilled going to Captain’s class every day.
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It was destiny that I found John Wood as my MMA coach, but I was still searching for a Brazilian jiu-jitsu coach I could apprentice myself under wholeheartedly. My learning style makes it tough for me to really click with coaches…but Captain explains everything SUPER slowly, step by step, like ten times. I think I’ve become Captain’s biggest fan. *_*

I’ve also been lifting weights every other day since Saturday the 1st, and trying to do 50 push ups a day. I’m always so frustrated with strength training. I have a hard time putting on muscle and building strength. While I have recorded slight increases on paper, it takes forever, even with me making a big effort! And how much is that really translating in my fights?! Makes me want to give up and just do things I know will have more of an effect, but focus on BJJ class training or mittwork.

I really want to give up. Not because I’m a quitter, but it’s insanity to keep doing the same thing if it’s not working!! Right? When you think about it that way, it makes sense.

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But John said work harder at it, and I do what he says. But I want to do what HE says, not what some physical trainer says. I’ve met so many physical trainers who assure me I’ll become able to do stuff I can’t, and when I try to do it, I hurt myself. So of course I’m not gonna wanna listen to them. When I’m planning out in my head how to go about this, my thoughts keep going in a circle without coming to a good resolution. GRRR. Jessy is going to share some strength training methods with me. Make a plan. Get John’s approval. Then DO IT. So if it still doesn’t make a difference, at least I can say I followed directions… and John is usually right…. so this time it should work. If he can make my striking work, a strength training plan he approves should work, right?

So yeah. I’m excited about this BJJ tournament Saturday! yay for another week of not getting punched and BJJ focus! I really wanna see how I match up with other purple belts!! So much! I’m afraid that I have high expectations of myself, despite trying to mentally lower them. This is my first tournament as a purple belt, and first tourney in 13 years!! It means a lot to me….