Roxanne Modafferi

The Happy Warrior

Invicta prep! Mental challenges, my student, Rowdy Rollers BJJ, team, choked out, sponsors

Posted in dream, every day, fight, friends, fun, training on May 13th, 2017 by roxyfighter

Do you ever get that day where you’ve been working hard and one day you feel like crap and you decide to stay home and take a day off from exercising because you know you’d just have a bad performance and it’s better to rest up and be better the next day?

That’s the smart thing to do, but I never do it. I cannot rest.

I’d rather go and fail or do poorly, than not go. “You can’t ‘not even try!'” I would tell myself. Even my dad said to me one time, “Resting is difficult for Modafferis.” Everyone with my dad’s bloodline is constantly on the go. You should hear about what my Aunt Connie does daily… raised three kids while working as an elementary/middle school music teacher full-time, taught private piano lessons daily after school, taught choir after school (or what is school chorus? whichever!) and on weekends at the church AND THE SCHOOL, and SANG masses at her church…

She’s amazing. I don’t think she knows that I admire her. I love my Modafferi bloodline, but I’m also glad I have my mom’s bloodline, too. Her family is long-lived…. everyone’s lived into their 90s, and my grandfather was 102 when he passed. Maybe I’m not a vampire after all, but her blood is keeping me looking young. Or maybe she’s a vampire?!?!

But I digress.

Two Thursdays ago, I kinda lost it. I was so mentally tired. I’m not afraid to say it because most people don’t know about what a fighter goes through mentally. Taking care of yourself mentally is just as important as physically, for fighters and non-fighters alike. I found a pretty good balance in my normal life, but when I fight prep, my rest periods go towards conditioning.

I’ve been told that if a fighter doesn’t cry or have a fit at least once in their training camp, they’re not training hard enough. I’ve been doing MMA, jiujitsu, conditioning, plus teaching my kids jiujitsu and privates for weeks on end, only skipping martial arts on Sunday. But that’s my yoga day (I hate yoga so I’m still forcing myself to ‘train,’) and chore day.

Thursday I did my stairs conditioning, went into BJJ, felt unmotivated but did it anyway because BJJ is life, and then did MMA class. My mind was just so tired. I felt like the past weeks were one continuous day. I’d been sleeping but I felt like I hadn’t, you know?

I remember standing in front of my first sparring partner, Serena, raising my hands, hearing John say “Work Time!” and a little voice in my head said, “Again? I don’t want to do this right now….”

Damnit. Whenever the audible voice pops up in my head, it’s bad news. I haven’t heard myself think for ages. It’s something that shows I’m not focused, that I haven’t tapped into my subconscious instinct for feeling the fight.

We sparred and I performed like crap. In the second round, I sparred with Jessy, and performed like crap. One time she hit me and I saw flashes of white. After that round, that was it.

(Jessica happened to be taking pictures during my horrible round. ug! noooo)

I went into Casey’s office and cried on him for two rounds. -_-

It was weird because nothing was really wrong. I was so excited about everything. I was too excited. I was excited about my fight – great camp, no injuries, I’m in phenominal shape! My personal life is fine, my kids classes are spectacular, the UFC is opening 125, my future looks bright… “Why…am…I…crying?” I cried to Casey. lol My mind seemed solid, but my emotions were tired and my body was just randomly crying.

There was a disconnect there.
I’m gonna make fun of myself with a “feels” meme now.

“You know,” Casey said, “You are one of the most mentally strong people I know. It takes a lot of mental strength to do what you do.”

I keep thinking back to college, where I was SO stressed out because I had to juggle tons of classes, studying, part-time job, training, personal life, etc. I thought that was the most stressful time of my life. But I guess it’s not fair to compare stresses in different time-periods, just like it’s not fair for two people to compare their stresses. We are different people at different stages of our lives. If you’re stressed, you’re stressed. Don’t belittle it. Saying, “You shouldn’t be stressed because I just got fired and my pet died and my boyfriend left me” really doesn’t make me feel any less stressed, and in fact, makes one feel guilty.

Anyway. I felt a little better after that. Thank you, Casey, for always being there for me. He suggested I stop training for the day. (It was my third session of the day anyway) but then one of my favorite Rob Zombie song came on, and I felt the need to redeem myself. It’s never too late. One of my favorite quotes came from Ronda Rousey when she said, “Training to be a champion on your worst day.” On my honor as a martial artist, I will finish the class.

So I sparred with Mike, and I had a great match! Really great. I felt reinflated, if that makes sense. Thanks, Casey, thanks Mike, thanks Rob Zombie. Then I did the drilling cool down at the end and can say proudly that I finished class and didn’t give up.

I was kind of hiding from Coach John during class… I didn’t want him to see me cry. ._. Later when I talked to him, he said the same thing as Casey. “Fighters aren’t always going to have perfect days every day. It’s just one of those days.”

I went home and took an ice bath (gah!) and watched Transformer movies online for the rest of the day. lol Lorenzo had been telling me to take a break, but I had no time to take a break! I’ve been going non-stop….lucky I haven’t gotten sick.

Friday I had a really hard conditioning session with Lorenzo. x_x ug. I was able to push through that with no problem. Then the weekend was a little rearranged, and I was hoping that would help me mentally recover. It did!

So Saturday I coached my student Preston at his first jiujitsu tournament. There was only one other kid in his division. He used to be hesitant to do takedowns, and if he felt himself failing, he would fall on his butt (and promptly get mounted) rather than risk being thrown and slammed. So we’ve been training takedown strategy so much. I’m so proud of the fact that he went out there and bravely grabbed his opponent!

His opponent tried o-soto-gari, which is HIS favorite throw, so he pushed forward and tried for a single/ double leg takedown! I taught him to think o-soto, and if it didn’t work, immediately switch to the double-leg. Jessy’s been working a lot of wrestling with him, too. He started the takedown but they fell awkwardly and the opponent got on top and held him down with kesa-gatame, scarf hold.

Preston managed to almost get out, but then the opponent tried to mount but Preston got half guard. WEEeeee! getting half guard instead of getting mounted was something else we trained a lot!! They got restarted in the middle. I yelled to Preston to get his guard back. He got his guard back and immediately tried for the choke! He’s so good at it! His opponent spent the next minute fending off his choke.

Preston couldn’t get it and unfortunately lost on points. 🙁 The opponent was really good…really smooth. Seemed too good. I asked casually to the coach next to me, “How long has your student been training?” He said, “Oh two years.”

What? Excuse me, but usually a student training for two years doesn’t have a white belt with only one stripe on it……………………………..or compete in a white belt division… just saying……………

But that makes me even MORE proud of Preston for doing so well against an opponent with over double the experience he has.

So on Monday, I promoted Preston to gray-white belt.

The IBJJF guidelines say after 6 months the kids get a new belt, but I think that’s too soon to learn the basics. I want my gray belts to be strong and have a good base, especially if they’re gonna compete. I have a list of techniques they have to know. And Preston knows them. Preston has been training for about 7 or 8 months, and he’s learned so fast because he comes literally every day and does private lessons with me twice a week.

I’m so so proud of him!!

On Sunday, I went to Las Vegas Rowdy Rollers, an all-female open mat organized by Mylene from Chris Engle’s BJJ school.

I had such a great time!

I love Mylene! She’s so cool and skilled and nice and talented. *_* Last January? when I rolled with her, I was a purple belt and she was brown.
This time, she was black and I was brown and she STILL whooped my butt, but I felt like I didn’t get whooped quite as badly? Maybe it’s my imagination. I think I fixed some mistakes, but it’s hard for me to remember. She had given me some tips so I really wanted to show that I had improved.
Jiujitsu is fun!!

And I rolled with this lady only known as “Tammi” and when I went home and googled her, I found that she’s some BJJ world champion who beat Mackenzie Dern at one point? Holy cannoli! That’s why she wiped the floor with me. hah! Tapped me out with this nifty shoulder lock from guard.

Monday I felt back to normal!! Alexa Connors joined Syndicate and Monday was the first day we trained together! I love training with her! Thanks for the training and welcome to Syndicate!

We really have a great team of female fighters at Syndicate. Here’s another pic of another day, and Serena and Alexa aren’t even in the pic…

Also had a great mitt sessions with John this week, and shark tanks. I was on fire this week. Hard training, solid mentally. I know I’m well-prepared for my fight against Sarah D’lelio. It’s next Saturday! Broadcast on Fightpass. I leave on Wednesday.

I hope this is the official fight poster…it’s cool. My face is on it. XD

These photos taken by Jessica Bakan, our resident photographer. (She is also for hire, if anyone needs a professional photographer for profile pictures, weddings, fashion shoots, whatever. contact Bakanphotography at )

On Monday, I was grappling with Captain. I’m pretty hard to choke, if I do say so myself. So he got me in this guillotine. I’m fighting it but it’s pretty tight. I’m still able to breathe so I’m wiggling and fighting, and I can feel him transitioning to something. I’m starting to get dizzy and fade out, so I decide to tap, but one of my arms is trapped somehow and the other one was twisted under us, so I tried to reach and tap his hands. I’m sitting at a desk in my University in Japan just finishing up a test. It was my International Persuasion class. My classmates are all around me. My friend Katie was there. Then the teacher says, “Okay everyone outside! Recess!” That’s weird, recess at this age? So I get up and file out into the grassy field and I’m chatting with people. Then the world kind of turns on it’s side and I see people grappling with each other. I’m so confused. I sit up strait and say, “Where am I? Where am I? Where am I?” like three or four times. I look around. What is going on? I see Captain staring at me and then starts to laugh. It took me about 60 seconds to realize that I got choked unconscious and that was a choke dream!! I stood up and fell back down. LOL It felt like a week had passed! I was so confused. He said he didn’t feel me tap. He said it was a head-arm triangle, realized I wasn’t moving and let me go. I don’t even remember the head arm triangle. LOL I think I went out as I was trying to tap. oops
So here’s a meme that I made earlier this year and I’ll post it in honor of this moment.

Captain’s been going out of his way to help me prepare for my fight. He planted himself next to me when we were drilling in John’s class all this week and gave me tips.

I’ve been watching My Hero Academia, a GREAT anime, and I’ll post a quote from it!

I’m very grateful to my sponsors for this fight.

Dragon Do Fight Gear, Remove it Restoration, Jenkins Jiujitsu and Aaron, Top Notch fighter and John, Nick Braccia, Fight Face Custom Mouthguards, crew, Cryohelmet , , Katie, Howard Fidler, Aardvark Painting and Robvark, Thug Life Celia, My Consumer I.T. and the Crilly family! I can’t wait to meet you guys.

about training last week, anime& TV, MMA nightmare , good coaches

Posted in dream, every day, fight, friends on May 23rd, 2016 by roxyfighter

(I didn’t feel super inspired to write about anything at the moment, but then I started and stuff appeared on the page.)

I had a super week. Training was painful due to shoulder muscle pain, and I think I sprained my left forearm/elbow overusing it with gi and mitts AND team practice on Monday. But I really get a lot out of training with Casey, and then John’s padwork is the best, and then team was fun.
johns mitt group

Over the course of the week I just bore with it and it feels somewhat better now. Then my hip flexor on my right side tightened up so much I was limping but I got a massage by Magical Masseuse Teri yesterday and it’s completely gone. Wow.

I feel really really motivated to work on my gi jiu-jitsu game, as I’ve been talking about lately, but actually, as an MMA fighter, it makes me develop bad habits. But I’m kind of allowing myself to get back into it at the moment. In addition to doing more gi classes, I’m getting Casey to teach me gi chokes little by little, increasing my repertoire.
casey and roxy in gi

And Vinny is making an effort to watch me roll and correct my technique. I’m so happy!
I'm so excited

On Wednesday, John and I were supposed to do padwork but he ended up answering a question about wrestling and various things off the cage, and that became a whole 30 minute lesson. However, it was just what I needed and eliminated a major problem I’ve been having. I succeeded in doing it some on Thursday and some on Saturday. 😀

I’ve been watching the anime World Trigger and am currently on ep 58. I’ve been in the mood for a darker anime, moreso than World Trigger, so I decided to rewatch Claymore. Half-human half-monster women work for an organization going around killing Yoma (monsters), by using their half-monster powers, but if they use too much of it, they turn into the monsters themselves, so they have to be careful.
I now know of a website that has translated manga, and I know the manga continues even after the anime stops, so I’m excited about continuing the Claymore series! I tried to do it in Japan by going to a manga cafe, but my Japanese wasn’t good enough to fully understand everything and it turned into a giant kanji study session, which I enjoyed, but I never progressed in the series because I wanted to look up and note down every word I didn’t know. lol Which is why I can’t read manga in Japanese.

I’m on Ushio and Tora ep 34 and just found out Tora’s back story which is kind of epic! To think, I knew nothing of this for 15 years, which is how long I’ve known about the series.
ushio and tora pic

I’m on Arrow season 4 ep 19 right now. I’m behind in the Flash. Maybe ep 15 season 2.

It was weird there was no UFC this weekend! haha so I ended up laying down and watching anime all evening Saturday and Sunday alone. I really need to that to mentally relax. If I’m running around everywhere, I get burned out easier. I was invited to a movie last night but I declined, feeling kind of unusually anti-social and needing to be alone. I watched Robocop instead. Don’t judge me. x_x And fell asleep at 9:30 on the sofa, moved to the bed at 10 PM. Up at 4:30 Am this morning thinking, WEEEE MONDAY! I love Mondays.

Saturday was fun! Hannah and Serena came to gi jiu-jitsu with me!
roxy serena hannah gi

People keep asking me when I’m fighting and I don’t know so I had a stress dream about it two days ago because I went to bed thinking about my weight. After training, which is lightest, 139lbs. Before bed (which is heaviest) 143. That’s fine, I can diet down to 135 in a month. (I cut 9-10 lbs of water) And it’s lower than when I started dieting for my last fight. But if I don’t have a fight set up, I always go up in weight because I think, “yeah I don’t have to resist that ice cream” or nachos or “time for recovery tostada!” etc x_x

I hated that I remembered this dream, but I figured it’d be interesting to other people, so I ended up writing it down. Hannah, my roommate, came and gave me a hug that morning so that was super nice. 🙂

It was a horrible Alice in Wonderland-style absurd nightmare. So I dreamed I got the title shot in Invicta and Julie K. texted me to say that and “Yes, and weigh-ins are today.” I was like WHAT?! I just had lunch. Hadn’t been cutting salt or anything. I was with Julie Luey, Serena , and Rob. “It’s in the Laox on the river.” what’s that?! There was a floating city/boat with buildings and clubs like Las Vegas, I was like, “We gotta get there!” but a boat to take us there would be hours, so we jumped in the water with our clothes on and sexy life-guards grabbed our legs and carried us to the other side. That was their job. (weird) I tried to call coach John and the signal didn’t go through. started running around asking everyone where a drug store was so I could buy Epsom salt, but nobody spoke normally! They were like “Hey! Party! yay! Dude!” It was like being in Vegas/a big shopping mall.NOBODY would tell me how to get anywhere. Serena was like “Hey lets split up and look for a drug store.” I got lost running around the stores, couldn’t find my friends, was screaming to everyone “WHERE CAN I GET EPSOM SALT! HOW DO I GET OFF THIS ISLAND?!” and then realized I didn’t even have my weigh-in costume and there was no way I was going to make weight.

I finally walked in on a college director board room meeting?!? but they were laughing and crazy like the Mad Hatter, and they had brown salt scattered all over their table. One guy was like “Here is Epsom salt, here you can have it!” (wtf?) When I gathered it into bags, he was like “$24!” I had a 20 in my pocket so I gave it to him and ran out as fast as I could. So stressed out I wanted to cry in my dream. I didn’t know where I was or where weigh ins were or where the hotel room was that I could cut weight. I would miss weight! I’ve never ever missed weight! They wouldn’t let me fight for a title! I finally got a text from John saying “Weigh ins are over already. The title shot is off. I’m worried about the state of the division. Maybe Invicta will drop it.” and I just knew I was cut. I FINALLY WOKE the hell up, wishing I had never tried to go back to sleep after I woke up with a stiff neck at 2 AM. I need a hug. ;_; I usually don’t have bad dreams, thank goodness for that… I had hoped I would forget this dream if I didn’t write it, but doesn’t look like it. So there ya go. A fighter’s nightmare.

Hellsing Ultimate anime, World Series of Fighting

Posted in amusing, dream, fight, friends, fun, training, work on June 23rd, 2014 by roxyfighter

On Thursday, I had an excellent sparring session, and worked through my pulled muscle. Pretty happy. Friday, it was killing me, so I did jiu-jitsu technique only, and then went to World Series of Fighting Weigh-ins to support my Japanese friends. My teammates Adam and AJ were fighting, too!

That took all afternoon, and I made it home in time to chill out and watch a marathon of Hellsing Ultimate.

hellsing manga image
That’s my new anime obsession, since I finished the Arrancar Saga of Bleach at 309. *_* Hellsing Ultimate is the OVA of the original 25 ep Hellsing series that I watched as a high school student in 2001. It seems darker. Alcuard, the anti-hero, seems more evil, and Anderson and everyone just seems more insane in general.

crazy anderson
I think if I had just started watching it for the first time, I wouldn’t be able to stomach the blood and guts, but I already like the series. I kind of look away if someone is getting sliced up. Which is all the time. x_x But it’s slowly getting to my subconscious. That’s what happened when I watched Attack on Titan. By the 20th episode, I was ready for the series to be over, but dying to know what happened, so I deprioritized all of my chores and marathon-ed the episodes. I seriously felt down and depressed for those last two days, though. -_-;;

Anyway, I’m on my 5th ep of Ultimate, and there are nine 45- minute episodes. I can do it!! 😀

And her boobs are too big. *sigh* oh fan service. -_-;;
I mean, look, she can’t even hold a gun properly in front of her without ‘the girls’ getting in the way!! 😀


so on Saturday, I trained pretty hard and then went to World Series of Fighting.

There’s the story of the sponsorship tickets. Emi Fujino got a last minute sponsorship, but the banner was already made, so the sponsor dropped off stickers at the hotel bell desk to stick on her banner. They were accepted at 10:30AM, tagged, and put on a shelf in the back. I arrived at 4 and tried to pick them up, but the bellhop couldn’t find them.

Um, what?

After 10 minutes of searching with me helping, he said the only thing I could do was file a security report and check cameras over the period of time to see if they fell off. I went to do that, but the security person sent me back to the bell desk. Dude, the fight was in like TWO HOURS! There’s no way! It was like 4:45 now. So I was listening to the security officer arguing with the bellhop (who was trying so hard to help) and my eyes fell on a trash can.

“Of course, someone probably just threw them away,” I thought, and started fishing through the trash. I pulled out food adds and magazines and coffee filters and icky stuff and THERE THEY WERE. I FOUND THEM. IN THE TRASH. Those were worth money, man! GO ME!!! XD

I bet they had fallen off the shelf (since they were paper) and someone thought “oh, paper trash” and tossed them. (but…there were…belldesk tickets…on them….)
emi fujino after fight group2
Emi Fujino fought a hard fight, but Jessica came out on top. Congratulations to both warriors.
AJ won by head kick, and Adam lost by knee. :/ Adam is such a beast, though. Power, speed, agility, skill. If he’s like Goku, then the other guy must be like Freeza.

Sunday, I was SO tired. More than usual. I went to the sports gym and did the elliptical machine, trying to get my heart rate up. Then I was going to go to Yoga. I decided to skip Yoga and just go home. I took a nap. Then watched Hellsing. Then took another nap and dreamed of vampires. lol Then woke up, rolled over, and took a THIRD NAP. Which is unheard of, since I only nap when I’m sick. And I mean, like fall into REM sleep, not just nod off (which I do all the time, aka Roxalepcy)

I took two SOCK OFF supplements and don’t feel too bad this morning. 🙂 I’m gonna train and then Buri-chan IS COMING! Brittany, one of my my best friends from Japan!!!! 😀 YAY SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!

crazy travel dream with Heather and carry-on bears

Posted in amusing, dream on January 10th, 2014 by roxyfighter

I had this dream that I was taking some trip with Heather to a far away place. Japan?

And we had to take plane, but there was some construction around the airport, so we were having trouble going in the correct entrance to find our gate. We couldn’t get into the airport!

We walked and walked with our luggage, and finally asked this guy in a police suit, who told us to go down this path, and turn right into this building. Then we’d find a car that would take us faster to the next entrance. We passed all these other travelers piling into cars and busses and trucks that would take them to their gate without missing their flight. It reminded me of some evacuation scene.

I’m like “Hurry up heather! We only have twenty minutes!” She was all smiles and cheerful, not stressed out at all. “This way, right?” So we go the way he said, but it was like into this abandoned warehouse. I’m like, “I don’t think this is right” but she said, ‘I’m sure it’s fine.” 😀

We passed this arcade and ran into my friend from California Rudy (Whoa, Rudy cameo) who wanted to play DDR. I said, “We don’t have time!” so we left him there trying to play. LOL

I told Heather we should go back, but she didn’t want to, so I followed her. We still had 20 minutes. We continued on and came to this scary looking basement room with broken machines and toys. It was dark, so she went over to slideing glass doors and pulled back this curtain to let in some light. It was dusty and dirty, as if it were abandoned 20 years ago. Suddenly this male-elf doll came to life and started trying to play pranks on us, and this life-size teddy bear also. Then this monster freezer started talking to us. But then Heather captured the elf, and then let it go so it started being nice. I was friendly to the bear, so it started to like us. They promised to tell us the way to the airport, if we’d take them along because we are now all friends. XD

hahahaha @my subconscious for creating this scenario.

So Heather said, “Sure, we’ll take you in our carry-ons!”
I protested, “Heather, I want to take them, too, but it’s alife-size BEAR. How am I going to carry him on?!” She said, “Get a garbage bag! :”D

So we started looking for a garbage bag. I got a big black one, put it over the brown bear’s head… looked at it….was like “It’s freaking huge, I can’t carry him!” and then I woke up.

😀 😀 😀

My dreams are really easy to understand. I want to travel to Japan with Heather (we’ve discussed this, and it’s impossible) and last night I was watching Naruto while holding onto my large stuffed brown bear from childhood. 😛

Crazy dream: aliens, bears, pancakes!

Posted in amusing, dream on December 14th, 2013 by roxyfighter

I had a dream with three parts.

First, I went home to visit my Dad and step-mother. We went out to a Japanese restaurant, but I had to use the bathroom just as the food came. Someone needed help on my way back, so I was trying to help them quickly (they were lost, or something). When I got back, Dad and Marion were almost done eating, and I wasn’t, and then the waitress started taking my food. I was like, “Noooo, stop taking it! I haven’t had good Japanese food in forever!” and I was sad.

Then as we were leaving, chaos erupted.

Tyler, Heather, Jordan, and other Syndicate/ MMA related people I didn’t see but sensed, had to fight off… invaders. I think it’s cuz I watched Man of Steel (Superman), because they had like black metal battle suits and were chasing us with guns. They were bouncing around the building and flying, so obviously not human. Some of us got killed. Tyler got shot! and we were all like NOOOOOOOOOOOOO but then this other guy (Ben, who is Bootsy’s friend) saved him because he had powers, and it took the bullet out and closed the wound) lol Random. We were running around this old school, which turned into a house. We couldn’t defeat these guys- they were just too strong, so we were running. And then the bad guys were like, “Let out the BEARS!” so these huge freaking black bears started chasing us. o_O

Then suddenly……!!! Miesha Tate, Bryan Caraway, Team Tate’s assistant coaches (Jack, Shaine, and Ricky) plus John Wood burst onto the scene and chased away all the bears and invaders with guns blazing. XD We were like “YAAAAY, WE ARE SAVED!” My heroes, right? XD

Part 3 of my dream. Miesha said, “Yeah!! Now let’s relax and cook breakfast!” so we all gathered in the kitchen and tried to cook pancakes, but the burners weren’t working. Although the gas flame was on, it wasn’t hot at all. My Mom wandered in, tried to show me and wandered out. So we spent like five dream minutes puzzled and confused as to why the flame wasn’t working. Miesha was like, “Yeah, I can’t get mine to cook! what the heck! No pancakes for us?!”


LOL Everything in my dream is a symbol. Pretty obvious ones, at that. I always visit my Dad and Marion for Christmas, I miss Japan, those coaches are my heroes, fighting, frustrating cooking with my mom around…. hahah!