I felt so down on myself after my last fight. A fighter’s perception of the fight is always always different than other observers. In my mind, I tried to take Jennifer down off the cage the entire fight, and she muscled me around. It was a horrible, boring fight full of nothing but failure on my part.

I wanted to pretend the fight never happened. I didn’t want to rewatch it. The week after, I tried to hang out with friends as much as possible and do kids private lessons for those who needed it.
After I came back from Otakon (the anime convention), I decided that it would be too much of a waste if I didn’t try to watch and find something to improve. In my perception, there was nothing, though. I had a great training camp. I trained for the moves she did, like double underhooks, striking combos, etc. I trained for her but still couldn’t win, so it was stupid and pointless.

“If you don’t rewatch it, then that fight was for absolutely nothing. You know you have to watch it,” I told myself.

Fine. So I steeled myself to relive that traumatic 15 minutes.
Guys, a fighter gives everything in themselves to a fight – to a fight prep, to dieting, sacrifices so much, and then gives all their mental and physical energy to the fight. A loss is just so huge and devastating to their hearts. If a fighter is no longer upset by a loss, it’s time to stop fighting.

I only watched the first round, because I knew I’d want to schedule time with Coach John to watch together, and I didn’t want to have to rewatch the whole thing twice.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought. It wasn’t really bad. I felt way better after watching it. My striking didn’t look slow and horrible like my impression. I felt stiff, but it looked okay. I landed a LOT.

Jul 20, 2019; San Antonio, TX, USA; Roxanne Modafferi (red gloves) fights Jennifer Maia (blue gloves) during UFC Fight Night at AT&T Center. Maia won by unanimous decision. Mandatory Credit: Adam Hagy-USA TODAY Sports

Looking back at pictures, most of my shots land clean, and lots of hers bounce off my guard. Wall takedowns weren’t the WHOLE fight either. My right straight looked great. So I feel like I didn’t lose because she beat me, I lost because I failed and she countered me.

She was shorter than me and heavier, and since she missed weight, even HEAVIER, so I should have adjusted my game plan. I couldn’t use the same strategy that I did for Antonina.

Jul 20, 2019; San Antonio, TX, USA; Roxanne Modafferi (red gloves) fights Jennifer Maia (blue gloves) during UFC Fight Night at AT&T Center. Maia won by unanimous decision. Mandatory Credit: Adam Hagy-USA TODAY Sports

I was trying to push on her face and NOT poke her in the eye here, but I couldn’t see, so I went slowly and smushed her face. lol

She also was good at the clinch. Like here. She knows I want to grab her and take her down, so she’s like ‘get the F away from me.’ *smash* hmmmm

Jul 20, 2019; San Antonio, TX, USA; Roxanne Modafferi (red gloves) fights Jennifer Maia (blue gloves) during UFC Fight Night at AT&T Center. Maia won by unanimous decision. Mandatory Credit: Adam Hagy-USA TODAY Sports

I decided that I need to get better in the clinch, or rather, these little key moments in this spacing that’s not quite kickboxing and not quite wrestling. OH! HOW EXCITING! 😀 I Found something that I could improve on!! I felt a surge of hope and excitement upon realizing that! I had a new goal!
The worst thing for me in my martial arts training is not knowing what I need to do.

I asked John, of course, but also the charismatic Muay Thai Teacher and fellow fighter AJ Matthews. He is certainly excellent at teaching basics like that, and I also wanted someone to help me feel enthusiastic about striking since I’m not a fan. When I’m trying to learn something I’m not good at or don’t really like, I really need a teacher I like who makes me want to take the lesson. lol I guess that’s natural for anybody, right?

So I’ve been taking clinch lessons, and also there’s the matter of jiujitsu; I consider my month after my fight ‘the Fun Month,’ because I absolutely won’t get another fight right away so I can quit doing freaking burpees and staying in MMA fight shape, and focus on jiujitsu training. Over this past year, it’s been working out that JoJo has a fight right after me, and then me after her, so I have to stay in MMA classes so we can help each other with each other’s fight camps. However, it worked out that there’s a big jiujitsu tournament at the end of August. Her fight is September 7th so I’ve been working really hard trying to do both extra gi training and stay in MMA class. Plus I don’t want to stop doing MMA class. I’m exhausted every day, but that’s the fighter life. Loosing weight is hard. I feel like I’m struggling to walk around below 140 nowadays, and I have to be 141 hydrated with a gi on for my tournament an hour before my match, so I can’t do a ten pound water weight cut like I do for my fights. That means if I want to feel great, I have to lose four more pounds since I’m 139 now, and they’re not freaking coming off with normal dieting. >_< Normal dieting means “No cheat meals, eat lightly when not active, no desert, low fat lunch and dinner, no snacks.” Harder dieting means counting calories, like “don’t have a piece of fruit after kids class because that’s 35 calories in that piece, and sugar.”

This is why I get so pissed off when people don’t make weight…I make such an effort all the time. I can’t believe that keeps happening to me, fighting ppl who miss weight, Geez. No more!At least BJJ people make weight for tourmants OR THEY DON’T Fight. ZOMG WHAT A CONCEPT. You pay money and train to fight, make weight. It’s an easy concept.


Jiujitsu! I’ve decided I want to start playing more spider guard, and it just so happens that one of team Vinny’s black belts, Chance, is super good at it!

Chance and Roxy

It’s his main style from bottom. Chance is a great human being and has always been really nice and kind to me. Ever since the Syndicate-Vinny Magalhaes merger, he started teaching mornings, so I asked him to give me some private lessons. I’ve been jumping into class after hitting mitts with John, which I’ve been doing twice a week for the past six years. I try and get to Dunham’s BJJ twice a week, too.

Man, I DO NOT have enough time in the day to do what I want! I wish I could kage-bunshin-n0-jitsu to ninja-copy myself. I would send one of me to practice jiujitsu, one to do private lessons in everything, one to take MMA class, one to teach a ton of kids private lessons because I have a big demand right now, and one to rest and recover. I’m running around doing stuff from like 8 AM until 8 PM. Then I have one hour to watch something before I go to bed.

Naruto’s kage-bunshin

Two of my best students got promoted from gray-white belt to solid gray belt! I’m so proud of Aleena and Ayden! <3

tying on Aleena’s new belt
I love Aleena!
Ayden is such an awesome kid!

I’ve been successful at staying more positive lately! I’m really trying to force myself to see the positive in everything like I used to, and I’ve been feeling more happier and uplifted lately. This often involves arguing with people making negative statements, and trying to get the last word and make it positive. That kind of sucks but I’ve decided that I have to do it for my own mental health. Hopefully people will give up on saying negative things to me without following up with a positive statement. It will save me breath.

If anybody is interested in my mental techniques of how I think positively, check out my book:
How to Be Positive: Mental Training by the Happy Warrior

My IBJJF Master Worlds competition is next Wednesday. Omg getting nervous! And I gotta lose four more pounds, which I doubt will happen, so I’ll aim for two and have to dehydrate. :/ My kids fight in the NAGA this weekend!!

I’ve been watching One Piece against after a several year hiatus to let episodes come out so I could binge-watch. I’m on the Zou island now. Wow, this moment was a mind-blower but very Japanese, and very One-Piece-esk where they value their friends/nakama! I got chills and cried. Those of you who saw it will know what I mean.

I also watched Good Omens cuz my friends were talking about it, and I loved it! Great acting, great actors, funny, great script, and super interesting and entertaining plot! Just wow.

I’m also in the middle of The Boys series. It reminds me of a rated R-version of My Hero Academia, dealing with how people have super powers but they might not use it for good, to be super heroes, although they should be!

Also Dr. Stone, the anime. Love this series! So stimulating! Senku is so smart. I love his voice actor.

Oh one more thing. I discovered this new music band I’m in love with that plays folks metal called “Wind Rose.” They dressed up like people out of Lord of the Rings and sing of Dwarves and battles and omg they’re so bad-@$$. Here’s a video.

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