Every fight is a life-changing event for a fighter. A win means money! Fame! Opportunities! You are climbing a mountain and have a great view. A loss means half the money. Road blocks. Random people telling you you should retire and that you suck. In the multi-verse, a fighter’s life path is so different.
Why did I lose that fight? I asked myself grimly, stepping out of the cage into the darkness. Into the darkness of the arena, into the darkness of my mind. Why? Tactical errors. I should have struck with her more. I should have had more confidence in my striking. It shouldn’t matter that the entire world except my coach and my team constantly tells me my striking sucks.
I may not look pretty, but I’m accurate.
She hit me a lot on breaking the clinch, though, but despite expecting that, I couldn’t capitalize or avoid it.
I want to take her down where I know I can win. I’m not point fighting. Maybe I should have point-fought. I should have been more patient.
My weight cut was a little harder than usual this fight. Was that a factor? I don’t know. Maybe because I gained muscle, or my diet, or whatever, but I struggled to lose those last few pounds of fat I usually do, so I had to cut more water weight. But I did it. I didn’t really feel bad in the cage. Maybe my mind is just making stuff up, searching for reasons. SHE MISSED WEIGHT. Was that a factor? I don’t know. Was the fact I couldn’t pick her leg up off the ground because she was so heavy, or her skillful weight distribution? Would she have been easier to take down if she didn’t have extra weight? What did she weigh? I’ll never know.
btw after I complained on Twitter about nobody ever apologizing to me, Jennifer wrote me a message on Instagram (since we are friends on Instagram) apologizing for missing weight. THANK YOU.
It’s not the UFC’s fault. Every fight offer I get from them is a blessing, and I’m so happy and fortunate. I love fighting for the UFC. I would, however, like to yet again urge Athletic Commissions to allow the missed weight to effect the fight in some way other than just financial, for example, starting the first round with a point taken away. “Oh you get 30% of her purse!” my fans are trying to cheer me up by saying. Yeah, a few thousand dollars is great. You know what else is better? A win bonus, which is like half a year’s salary for an office worker.
Well, the bottom line is that she fought well, I couldn’t win, so congrats to her and I have to move on.
Now my psyche is haunted by another loss. I stepped out of the cage, thinking, “I’ll never be a champion.” I hated myself for a few seconds. I hated my performance. I hated my fight choices. I hated that fight. I was disappointed in the way I moved, in the way my body felt, in everything. I had to catch myself. Don’t hate yourself- you still have value. As long as you don’t give up, I you have another chance to reach a new level and have a good performance the next time. My friend G said that the last time I lost to a fighter who made weight was 2016. Really? That was Nicco for the title. Then I beat Barb, who made weight, then I lost to Sijara, who missed weight, beat Antonina who made weight, lost to Maia who missed weight. Who knows? It’s just a few pounds….
Smile and carry on.
Just because you train hard, doesn’t mean you will win. But if you never train hard, you can never win.
The fans surrounding the walk-out path all erupted in cheers as I passed, crying out, “We love you, Roxy!” “It’s okay!” “Happy Warrior!” I wanted to hug them all. Thank you, guys. It wasn’t okay at all, but your love makes it a little better. My friends in the crowd said I got one of the most enthusiastic receptions. That was really cool.
After I walked out of the cage that night, some doctor was saying something about my head and a cut. I just followed people. They brought me to a room, sat me down, and started examining my head. I felt horrible. I was a failure and my life sucked. No, that’s not true. Just stop thinking, Roxy. You’re fine. People were talking to me and I was just trying to hold it together and not cry. “…..we could staple her scalp.”
Wait, WHAT? I looked up. I suddenly started paying attention. Apparently I had a gash in my scalp and they were discussing what to do with it….stitches, staple? Do nothing? WHAT? I dunno, I can’t see it! They were trying to describe to me how big it was. “You decide! I don’t know! You’re the doctor!” I said to the doctor, getting kind of scared. What’s a skin staple like? I imagined my middle school science teacher coming at me with a staple gun. How did that cut happen anyway? Jennifer did some dirty boxing. I wanted to do more dirty boxing. I had wanted to leave the arena with my elbows sore and swollen from elbowing her head and taking the win. I wanted to do that knee tap thingie AJ taught me.
I was back in depressed-land again.
“Just …do whatever” I told everybody, trying not to cry. They decided to do nothing to it, and I went back to my locker room. At least the commission didn’t make me memorize numbers and recite the months of the year backwards like they did in New York. That was horrible. lol
Thank you, John and Mike, for being there for me. Thanks, Lorenzo, for your hard work training me to be stronger. Thank you Mick Maynard, my match maker, for working with me, putting me on the card, finding me fights, and giving me opportunities. Thanks to my new manager Danny. My friends Katie, Candy, Luz, Mike, and fans/sponsors/friends Bill and Mandy from My Consumer I.T. took me out for dinner afterwards. I really appreciate you guys. I also appreciate my team and fans online being so supportive. My sponsors did sponsorly things a lot this weekend! Check them out: https://www.mcithouston.com/
Okay, so that really sucked and I wished I could go back time and do that fight again. However, science has not figured that out yet, so I just have to smile and carry on. I’m the Happy Warrior and gotta go over the positive things now.
Going to San Antonio was really cool! I liked the city a lot! It had a historic feel and reminded me of Boston with brick/ cobblestone streets and side walks. The Alamo was right down the street.
I enjoyed doing stuff with John, like seeing the Alamo, doing a Haunted House and virtual shooter game ride.
Haha We walked through the Haunted House as a group, and it was just Roxy-appropriate enough I was creeped out but not too scared. This family went in first, but after the first few scares, they said, “You go first!” to John. hahahaha I’m glad because he likes scary, so he got to be the most scared rather than walking behind some kids. I felt safe and protected walking behind him. 🙂
The Riverwalk was really nice. The Mexican food I ate WAS SO DELICIOUS! OMG
One of my students Eli was in town for my fight, and I kept running into him everywhere.
I wish I could have won for him…. but today in Vegas in my BJJ class, he gave me lots of hugs and said he was proud of me for fighting so hard, and it was great to see me fight. ;_; Thank youuuuuu.
I feel a little better today. Yesterday I had a great day. My teammates helped cheer me up, and I went to Le Reve acrobatic show with JoJo!
Next weekend I’m going to Otakon as a guest – it’s one of the top five largest anime conventions in the US! I wish it weren’t the weekend after my fight since my face is still swollen, but THAT IS WHAT MAKE-UP IS FOR. 🙂 I’m going with Serena. Yay bestie quality time together! We’re going to dress up in My Hero Academia outfits and do an MMA demo and autographs. If you’re in the Baltimore, MD area, come on by! It will be fun and fantastic. Otaku power!!! Whoohoo.
Here’s a pic from last year!
My sponsor https://www.mcithouston.com/ is wonderful! It’s a business networking solutions company! Server set up, network support, back up, all that.…Details