kind of a tough weekend

Well, the weekend race is over.

Friday morning I woke up in such pain it was unbelievable. My whole body was stiff…hips, back, arms, everything. Compounded with the fact that Invicta was this weekend, it made it 10 times worse emotionally.

I really want to fight, but not if I can’t move. Hitomi was fighting. I always say, in MMA we step on other people to reach our career goals. She’s one of the people who stepped on me and I want a rematch. Barb Honchack was fighting, ad I KNOW I CAN BEAT HER, but I was not at my best in our match, and it eats me up. About Hitomi, I would almost bet money that she’s going to retire after this match, and I’m dreading hearing somebody’s blog announcement. I want a rematch first…*sigh* But that’s her prerogative.

I dragged myself through Friday, and Saturday, I didn’t feel like talking to anybody, but I had to cuz it was my job. It was hard to get through the day. Only the thought of Brittany and Shakey’s HUGE ice cream parfait gave me something to look forward to. She is such a good friend to me- she even treated me! I really needed that, thank you. <3 It's funny how well we get along, even though our personalities aren't similar at all. We were finishing each other's sentences and everything. lol Roxy: My make up is coming off my black eye and I think people noticed. But I don't mind too much... Brittany: Well, it's pretty cool to get punched by Tokoro. Roxy: LOL Yeah at least it was Tokoro. XD Roxy: It's really cool how Nakadai-san will spar seriously with us...but... Brittany: He's so fast for his size... Roxy: ...and huge... Brittany: ....and huge.... Roxy: Let's go into Don Quixote. Just don't let me buy anything One Piece. Brittany: Only if you don't let me buy anything MyMelody. Roxy: okay. *enter* Roxy: ....but look at this toy... Brittany: ....does it count if it's a collaboration Hello Kity and One Piece? Cancels each other out? XD <3 Yeah, so perfect. At loads of ice cream. My eyes glowed red.
I went to the gym for about 40 mins after that, but I’m sure I still gained a pound.

I keep reminding myself that I don’t walk alone anymore.

Got through work on Sunday. Went to Gold’s Gym. Forced myself to do Jacob’s ladder and stairs and unpleasant stuff. I thought to myself, You can’t have one hard work-out and get stronger. It’s a long painful process. Even then there are no guarantees. Therefore no way to have faith. That’s why MMA is so remarkable. You can train harder than the other guy and still lose. You can fight injured and win. Not just the fight, but the training tests you so hard mentally.

I want to get stronger. And I’m fully prepared- FULLY prepared- to suffer for it every day. Lack of sleep, injuries, bring it on. But even if I”m prepared to suffer, doesn’t mean I’ll get stronger! There are NO GUARANTEES!

I must be insane. Well, fighters are not normal, logical people. That’s the rule- if you’re a fighter, you’re not allowed to have 100% common sense.

I noticed that since my legs healed and I’ve been jumping rope and doing stairs, I’ve been feeling lighter on my feet. Now I just gotta drop a kilo. lol I hope BJ-san gets better soon. I’m worried about him… plus I miss sparring him. _< And I gotta keep going to Mihara-san, the miracle worker Osteotherapist, but he's too expensive! I need to find a clinic that accepts my insurance card, but I don't trust anybody to be as good! >< I'll just do the technique class tomorrow and then go to Mihara-san, and hope I can do jiu-jitsu. …